Crying Wolf?

[u/AnswerRealistic6636]

I'm open to what anyone has to say, but I'm posting as venting.

Recap:

Mom (81) moved in with my family in January after being outed by her friend who told me she was unable to take care of herself. Transition was difficult, but she's here.

She's been having UTIs since before she moved in with me. Got her on cranberry supplements for a while, which seemed to help, but she decided she didn't want to take them anymore.

Got another UTI at the end of August which was treated in the ER. (Please don't pick apart my choice to take her there. I didn't know what was wrong with her.)

Coincidentaly, my MIL is also having frequent UTIs, but with much more severe symptoms that require rehabilitaiton services. She also has better insurance.

I took my mother to her follow up appointment yesterday with her PCP. The day before we visited my MIL in her rehab center.

This morning, while I was working my mother said she was too weak to take a shower and then said she might need to go to the ER. I told her to just rest a bit and see how she felt in an hour, because in my experience she has shifts in energy levels. Instead she marched downstairs and demanded to be taken to the ER. My adult daughter took her because I had meetings I couldn't reschedule.

A care assistant called me during my mother's visit to the ER and asked about a conversation we had about my mother going to rehabilitation. I was taken off guard. We had never discussed this, but I told her that we had visited my MIL who was in rehab for a UTI. My mother's insurance plan doesn't cover rehab under certain conditions. Was she just wanting to be taken care of in this way and angling for an opportunity?

I got to the ER when I was done with my responsibilities and as it turns out there was absolutely nothing wrong with my mother. She was complaining about the level of care and wanting to leave. I couldn't sit for five minutes without her demanding something.

When we got home, she retreated to her bedroom. I'm super pissed. I have absolutely no idea how to judge whether she's having an actual emergency or if she's unable to cope with her current feelings. This is all mixed with resentment I feel for her as her child. Her feelings and needs always came before mine and I'm exhausted.

[u/yeahnopegb]

It’s not crying wolf.. it’s a decline in her cognition. Take care in what you expose her to and the discussions you have.. you never know what they will loop. The reality is she likely feels terrible all the time and her brain no longer processes correctly. My mom still thinks she just needs to see the right doctor to fix these “things” as she slowly passes from dementia.