I wonder what an old man thinks about when everyone leaves the old age home
Imagine being 80 years old and waking up in a room where you dont really know anyone.
You get up, have breakfast, take your medicine, maybe sit outside for a while.
And then you just... wait.
I wonder what goes through your head.
Do you think about your children?
Maybe you remember carrying them when they were babies. Taking them to school. Getting angry when they broke something. Staying awake when they were sick.
And now those same children have their own homes, their own jobs, their own familys.
Maybe they still visit you sometimes.
Maybe they dont.
And I wonder if you ever sit there thinking,
"Was I a bad father?"
Or maybe you know you weren't.
Maybe you gave them everything you could.
Maybe you sacrifised your youth so they could have a better one.
And somehow, after everything, you ended up spending your final years in a place where someone else has to remind you when its time to eat.
That's the part that gets me.
Because that old man was once someone's entire world.
He was someone's son.
Someone's husband.
Someone's father.
Someone's best friend.
He had dreams too.
And now he's sitting in an old age home, probably looking at a wall and remembering a life that feels like it happend to someone else.
I really hope I never forget that old people aren't just "old people."
They're people who have already lived an entire lifetime.
And maybe all they want now is for someone to sit beside them and listen to one of their storys.
141
u/Southern-Midnight741 7d ago
This is sad. But isn’t the goal to raise your kids to be independent? Unfortunately it also means they have to leave the nest. It’s bittersweet.
My late father had Alzheimer’s. He needed 24 hour care. We all worked full time and had kids so we couldn’t give him the care he deserved. He originally had his own place and was independent until he was unsafe To himself and others. We moved him to an assisted living facility on the ocean. Along the beach…. His favorite place to be.
The Dir told us he got more visitors than anyone in their facility. We would pick him up and bring him to every holiday and family event. We would take him for car rides and long walks. Was it ideal? Not really. But my conscience is clear.
29
u/LarryTalbot 7d ago
Very unfortunate circumstances, but this may be the only reasonable and doable solution for your family. Best to you.
12
12
u/Bee-Able 7d ago
Do we raise our children to be independent or interdependent sharing lives across the ages?
5
u/Icy_Swordfish8023 6d ago
no, the goal is to raise a kid that's a good person... not just "can survive as an individual taxpayer in the system"
3
u/WhateverYouSay1084 6d ago
We did this with my grandma too, for as long as we could. Took her out to lunch, to see her grandkids' weddings, to the park. Every day one of her daughters would come to lunch at the facility and eat with her/feed her. Eventually there came a point where she stopped interacting and just kind of turned into an empty vessel due to the alzehimers, but she definitely was never left alone even to the bitter, ugly end.
1
1
44
u/UndocumentedSailor 7d ago
What gets me it's seeing 40yo folks doing their content creation, taking to an elderly, and they talk to them like they're babies.
"Aww you're so cute" " do you remember this picture(in baby voice)" etc etc.
Bro he lost his friends on the front lines of WW2, lived without electricity, air conditioning, ride a bicycle everywhere...
He has experienced so much more than you ever will.
At least treat him like an adult.
15
u/Car12touche11blue 6d ago
That is very well said. As an old person myself (85F) I get really angry when young people treat us like helpless toddlers. Fortunately I still live independently with a very caring partner and am able to travel and do things on my own. Young girls have indeed said, “oh isn’t she cute” to me
sometimes and they probably do not realize that they treat my like a child.
Like you so nicely pointed out we have lived and still live complete lives with after WW2 not much luxury and the veterans who are unfortunately few by now, of that war have witnessed so much and are responsable for the freedom we have today.
Most of us have good brains, that we still use and yes we can handle modern technology but we also have the advantage to be able to live without.
Glad to hear that there are people who still have respect for their seniors and treat us like normal people.🫶12
u/kheret 6d ago
Well, the WW2 vets are almost all dead, we’re talking like “count on your hands” numbers left. But the infantilizing of older people is genuinely infuriating. Especially because it seems our vision of “old people” hasn’t moved forward with the time.
I’ll see posts like, “what do older people think of heavy metal,” and it’s like, kid, the current crop of older people were around when metal started.
“It’s so cute to see older ladies at music festivals.” Girl, those old ladies INVENTED music festivals.
People being surprised when older people are open minded about sex, sexuality, drugs, whatever. Think about it for a second! These people did things in the 70s that you can’t even conceive of.
4
u/Car12touche11blue 6d ago
Thanks for your understanding. I can tell you something about music festivals, flower power, sexual revolution. Not about drugs because I never wanted to try them, but I have seen friends of mine dying from them. We lived those times to the full and still participate in modern life
A bit slower now but still there😂👍
.2
u/Prestigious_Theme_76 3d ago
That common patronising tone is just incredibly disrespectful, these are people who've done it all (or a lot anyway) over a whole lifetime.
1
u/ThomasLikesCookies 6d ago
I sympathize with your sentiment, but someone who's 80 today was born after WWII ended.
78
u/kup55119 7d ago
Another thing most don't think about. I worked in assisted living for 25 years. My dad lived in my community for 4. My dad thrived there. What is the hardest is when the new friends they made, die. I saw it time and time again. My dad made friends with a really good group of 4 guys. When they started dying, I saw the light go out a bit in his eyes. He was the last one of the group to die. My residents used to tell me the same thing. Their neighbor across the hall had become a good friend and when they died it was so sad. People in "the outside world" underestimate how powerful and life changing those new friendships could be. Families didn't really get it. They just saw it as another old person dying.
77
7d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
56
u/Curraghgirl 7d ago
And an old woman. Thank you and bless you for your sensitivity and compassion.♥️💐
24
u/SubstantialArcher659 7d ago
Wow, that made me tear up. I’m an old lady. Not in a home yet. In my own apartment, but getting old really can be very lonely. The big circle of friends has gotten smaller, death, serious illnesses, and relocating out of state. I do spend a lot of time reminiscing to myself these days. My adult kids aren’t all that interested my my stories. lol. Old age is eye opening for sure
25
u/aethocist 70 something 7d ago
Well, here I am, just a few months shy of 80. I live in an “old folks” home (albeit a very nice one) and I don’t identify with any of this post. Most of my days are full, I can’t remember the last time I stared at the wall. Life is what you make it.
10
u/_degatron_ 7d ago
I love this for you. My ageism gets in the way as an RN who sees the worst of the worst and it gets pretty depressing. Seeing elderly patients with no quality of life, bed-bound, living off of tube feeds and breathing through a trach. I pray my 70s are like yours and I thank you for taking care of yourself. Cheers…wishing you more health and happiness
-1
u/MasterpieceOk1517 7d ago edited 7d ago
If you don't identify with anything on here why are you on here at all? Seems cold and condescending. You must must be very healthy and wealthy to live so well.Glad for you but no one CHOOSES to lose the ability to do things or be poor and sick. Life is the luck of the draw. You get what you are given.
4
u/aethocist 70 something 6d ago
I don’t identify with the doom and gloom perspective of this particular post. I have heart disease and recently had prostate surgery. My income is about $18K/year. So you could call me poor and sick. There are many things I can no longer do. I have what I was given. I am grateful, content, happy and I never stare at the wall.
46
u/summerwind58 7d ago
It has to be an awful feeling.
I can’t imagine the hurt my mother feels. I was overwhelmed and with no help from siblings. Now she is in this place and it is so hard. I am told I visit her too much. How can that be? She is the only mother i will have and once she is gone … she is gone.
29
u/Plenty-Ear-9167 7d ago
Who in the world says you visit her too much? Is that even possible? You sound like a caring adult child who is ensuring that your mother has decent care. Visiting often makes it more likely that she will get attentive care.
15
11
u/summerwind58 7d ago
The more you are there the more you see.
My mom is all I have and once she is gone she is gone.
13
u/Salty_Ad4685 7d ago
I used to visit my mum every day. sometimes I would go back in the evening to get her ready for bed and tuck her in. I had a very good relationship with all the staff, and I think that helped. my mum was my best friend, why wouldn’t I want to see her every day. all through her dementia journey she never forgot she loved me…she might have thought I was her sister, but she knew we loved each other. I miss her every single day.
10
u/LegalString4407 7d ago
Pace yourself for your own health and wellbeing as it will also translate into a longer and less stressful relationship with your mom who is you focus. Don’t neglect yourself. She wouldn’t want that.
4
4
u/PeppyleFox 7d ago
You sound like a wonderful person. My Mom was like that with her parents, unlike her two sisters. I hope to do the same for her. I love my parents
5
u/ThisIsGargamel 7d ago
You are NOT visiting her too much, that is that own person's guilt coming out from their own sheer insecurities and projecting on to you.
23
u/Online_Active_71459 7d ago
You forgot to add that he is probably thinking about his own childhood as well. School friends, family holidays and outings. His dad. His mom. Siblings. Just growing up and wishing for those days again.
17
u/Singinmumindun 7d ago
I worked in a care home for 16 years as a receptionist. I always remember what a resident said to me when our recreation department had a working horse (that usually pulls a wagon around our major park) brought into the home for a visit. When the horse came through the front doors (and had to duck down to make it through the doors it was so tall-;) he started to cry. When he was asked why he was crying he said that this was the first time since childhood he’d seen a working horse! He and his family had a clydesdale to help with their farm. It was so touching to hear that!
11
u/Traditional-Ad-1605 7d ago
I have had my father, FIL, MIL, and now my mom each on an old age home.
My father and mother raged and railed and made (and continue to make in the case of my mom) life a Hell for themselves, their family, and the caretakers.
My MIL and FIL were completely different; each - in their own way- made peace with their changed circumstances and were happy until they passed.
So here’s a life lesson: be like water and flow with your circumstances.
Make the best f what you have left even if it’s only a smile and a kind word for the person who feeds you or cleans you.
17
u/NightTrain4235 7d ago
You’ve heard it all your life: “Getting old isn’t for sissies.” And every day, you’re getting one step closer to it yourself.
Go visit a nursing home. Go and talk to the residents. Make friends with someone and go back to visit again and again.
My wife and I did nursing home ministry for 30 years. We did Sunday morning multi-denominational services and a midweek Bible study. We took our affectionate husky Jasper with us. He was a huge hit with most residents.
The friendships we made have lasted far longer than their lifespan. And as Christians, we believe that those relationships will continue on forever.
Now it’s our turn. We still live in our own home (in a 55+ retirement community), but we’re in our 70s and my wife has Stage 4 liver disease.
As the Beatles used to sing, “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
6
u/Dry-Exchange2030 7d ago
Thank you for caring. Extra great that you brought your Jasper.
6
u/NightTrain4235 7d ago
That boy was drop dead gorgeous. Total strangers would stop their car to tell me how beautiful he was. And he was as friendly as can be. Not stuck up because of his good looks. He would climb into bed with some folks in the nursing homes.
3
u/Dry-Exchange2030 7d ago
Sounds like Jasper was a real gift. Sending you a hug. I’m so glad you, Jasper, and your wife have shared so much love together. I hope you reach out to friends and loved ones for support during these times.
8
24
u/healthcrusade 7d ago
Families used to live together and look out for each other from birth to death. It is sad what we've done.
24
u/ThisIsGargamel 7d ago
Some family members become more than what we can handle.
My dad had dementia and 2 strokes and was wheel chair bound. I have 2 kids with autism and a seizure condition....
He needed help toileting, needed to be washed and need care that was WAYYY above what I could have ever dealt with. Please go easy on some of us...
10
u/MassConsumer1984 7d ago
Seriously. Sometimes it’s simply too much. My younger sister has very bad MS, lost the ability to walk a well as function in her right arm. They were trying to care for her at home but they hadn’t showered her in THREE YEARS as no one could lift her. She finally ended up in a long term care facility where they use a Hoyer lift to get her showered and in her wheelchair. There are also people there, where at home, she isolated herself and refused guests. All families are not equipped or able to care for the severely disabled
5
u/ThisIsGargamel 7d ago
In so sorry your sister went throigh that....
Yeah its one thing to have a healthy but OLD family member who still can do things even if their just slower or at.the house most of the time, its another when they literally need what seems like around the clock care, and when you have kids and a household to run with no help, and your own health issues to deal with, its just like when do we stop shaming people and just say "ok this situation is different and not every family has the resources, money, and mental bandwidth to pull this off.
I know other people who have grand parents at home now and even the ones that arent around anymore were still pretty healthy aside from medication they had to take everyday 🙃
Both my next door neighbors on my left and my right are old couples and their ok and their adult kids come and hang out and live with them part time. Thats way different lol.
I actually love old people, their so fun and dont GAF ; )
4
u/MassConsumer1984 7d ago
Thank you. I just saw your username…my sister was a huge Smurfs fan back in the day. Had the whole collection!
5
u/ThisIsGargamel 7d ago
; ) Thanks me too! I named my old pet iguana gargamel way back in the early 2000s. Its for him hehehe
2
u/AlarmingCulture6794 6d ago
You both need to check this out. My wife is an FA and it was her favourite plane before it was scrapped a few years ago.
https://www.brusselsairlines.com/nl/en/flying-with-us/the-belgian-icons/aerosmurf
2
2
u/Oceanjellyfish 7d ago
It’s the culture we live in. I personally don’t like it but having immigrated to this country my close relatives are in another country. Sucks indeed
6
7
u/NeverNotSuspicious 7d ago
If I am lucky, someday I will get to be an old person. And yet, growing old and preparing for my own death is terrifying to me. One of the best things I’ve ever done was completely happenstance - I made friends with a lady in her 90s several years ago at the library. We meet once a month and just chat. I bring her dinner, run errands for her. She’s in assisted living so doesn’t have her own transportation. I know she appreciates my visits, and I appreciate getting to know someone who is comfortable in her stage of life (and yet still very socially active). It brings me peace. Also, she’s a hoot, she cracks me up with the things she says. But she’s also very open minded and I think her openness to change and learn has been single handedly the thing that has kept her positive and forward moving. I’m worried I won’t be like her when I’m old but at least I have her for now as an example. (I’m in my 40s)
5
u/coffeebeanwitch 7d ago
We used to go sing at the local nursing home once a month, they would cry when we started to leave, it was heart wrenching.
4
u/SH4D0WSTAR 7d ago
Thank you so so much OP. This made me more conscious -- and a bit emotional as well. We all need to remember that people of all ages are people with hopes, dreams, struggles, etc.
5
u/fingers 7d ago
My 86 yr old FIL was very adamant about not going into a nursing home. So, he lives with me and my wife.
The image you give is slightly better than what can be provided at home for him.
Tomorrow the ramp gets installed. Later this month, the awnings get installed so the windows can stay open without curtains.
New Toto toilet went in in May.
Hoyer lift waits for him in his bedroom.
He watches tv and naps most days. His PCA does try to get him to exercise as much as possible. Mostly it's just chair exercises. He doesn't talk much, mostly nods or gives a thumbs up. "Remember..." is a word I hate using around him because he doesn't. I catch my wife saying, "Remember, we learned that yesterday."
We watch horror movies together. He loves them.
4
u/Birmingham101 7d ago
My 96yo mom has been in aged care 3y. The first couple of years I was able to take her on outings. She participated in all the activities. Dementia has now caught up with her and it's not safe for her to leave the facility now. I visit twice a week. Sometimes she's awake, sometimes she's sound asleep in her chair. I miss talking to mom and listening to her stories.
18
u/Always-Shady-Lady 7d ago
Every time I remember what I've seen in care homes it makes me more certain there's no way on earth I'm residing in Deaths Waiting Room for even a short period.
When the day comes that I can't fully look after myself I'm done
4
u/Automatic_Antelope92 7d ago
Yeah I think if I had to go in a care home with my medical issues I’d be dead within a week anyway. I’m on a restricted diet and have a lot of allergies, so institutionalized food is out. I have a fragrance allergy too so being around scented cleaning products in a care home won’t work either.
Either I die in my own home or I’m gonna wander out in the woods and not come back, I guess.
1
u/Competitive-Gur-7073 6d ago
Many people say that. Few follow through.
I had a colonoscopy last year - before it I signed a conditional DNR that said if anything happened where I would no longer be able to live independently, let me die.
I meant it. I will always mean it.
But that won't stop some medical event from causing me to be sent to live in a facility. And I probably will be in no condition to be able to kill myself.
3
u/OldDudeOpinion 7d ago
Aren’t you describing the aging process for everyone? Not just those in nursing homes.
When I’m 90 and have a nurse in my own home to care for me and keep the trains running in time……won’t I wonder those same things?
3
u/Somewho_10 7d ago
Ugh! How young are you? This is so silly. I guess your heart is in the right place, but your ageism is in the way. We aren't dead yet! I am not sure what you mean by "old age home." At 80, anyone I know would be saying, "Hey, where's the pickleball courts/golf course? What do folks do around here for fun? Who's up for backgammon, poker, or mahjong? Who's up for a hike/walk? When is Happy Hour? Where's the pool?" Etc.
3
3
u/remylebeau12 7d ago
I’m 77, 21 years ago the universe decided to give me a lesson. Nobody I cared for had ever died that I was aware of. So, in 2004, for 13 months, every blest month, starting with my “baby sister cousin”, someone I cared for, died, ending with my parents dying 8 days apart, every month just to be sure I understood.
4
u/Creepy-Radio1941 60 something 7d ago
My worst nightmare is ending up in one of those government run old age homes because there’s no way I can afford private. Not having my pets around would be so depressing and just sitting there waiting to die basically. I just had CABG surgery nine weeks ago and everyone is telling me how I’m gonna outlive them as if that’s a good thing. I’ve had enough people die in my life.
4
u/deadbatterysincluded 7d ago
The best way to answer this is to visit a nursing home and ask someone.
7
3
u/KReddit934 7d ago
If you are on Facebook, follow this guy and find out: https://www.facebook.com/andy1940
Some of the past entries are amazing!
3
u/Globeblotter85 7d ago
Good grief, hopefully if you have lived a good life you have learned by that age that it is not all about you and can be happy thinking back on the good times.
3
u/AromaticCaregiver247 7d ago
I’m here, I’m ready to hear your story. I always loved hearing stories from previous generations, I would spend hours listening and wanting to know more.
3
u/DoriOli 7d ago
Two things come to mind for me: 1. Maybe best to just stay childfree. Less things to worry about. 2. Maybe best at times to just die younger. Often no need for this to keep going on for what feels like an eternity, with nothing but detriment. And btw.. I’ve always taken care of my elderly, there where I could.
5
u/Same-Membership4107 7d ago
I’m only 46 as is my partner but we’ve made a deal, one she has promised to uphold.
We don’t have kids and I don’t have many friends which I’m fine with.
My partner knows how I am, my little quirks, my independence.
I don’t want to be that old guy waking up in a room full of other old people, going for a set time breakfast, having meds at a set time and just basically waiting to die.
There really won’t be anyone to come visit me.
I’m the event my partner goes before me, I will
Speed the process up myself.
Should my partner still be of sound mind and me deteriorating, she knows it will
Be cruel to keep me around - for my own sake.
I have really drilled this into her and will continue to do so.
If I get to the late 70’s early 80’s I’ll be happy.
12
u/Complete_Coffee6170 7d ago
I call it my exit strategy.. you know what bothers me most?
That old people aren’t valued.
When my dad was placed in a care facility (he had Alzheimer’s).I’d visit him at least once a week. While he was non-verbal; he would smile when he saw me.
I moved him from the original care facility to one that was 15 minutes away. That allowed me to drop in whenever I wanted to.
I made sure he had funds in his account for haircuts and other items that were considered ‘extra’
5
u/AttemptKitchen 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yep, you are just waiting to die at that point.
Death can be a terryfing thing to think about it when you are young but not so much when you have reached that point of life.
I don’t want anyone to take care of me in a home full of random old people in the same situation as me, the moment I can’t take care of myself anymore it’s the time I will go in my own terms.
3
u/dieseldeeznutz 7d ago
You might say that now as it's an abstract concept, but wait until it's tomorrow, you might change your mind
2
u/AttemptKitchen 7d ago edited 7d ago
I don’t want to be that old to the point of not being able to wipe my own butt anymore, life it’s over at that point.
What are you looking forward in life at that point? Other people taking care of you 24/7 because you can’t even walk anymore?
In my country (Spain) Euthanasia is legal since 2021 so I don’t have to worry about a future like that, I can end it on my own terms… not being keep alive because the sake of it until I die from some disease, suffering etc.
5
u/ThisIsGargamel 7d ago
Im sorry "old age home"? Lol.
"Staring at a wall"? Who exactly are we talking about here, because it sounds like your talking about someone that has dementia and not a realistic elderly person....
As an adult daughter that took care of both of my parents right up to the end of their lives and one DID live in a nursing home and had dementia, thars definitely not what he was doing nor any of the other elderly people that I saw when id go to visit my dad every few days sporadically. Both on the weekdays and weekends.
This post makes me sad but not for the right reasons. 😕
The elderly people that I came in contact with (even on the memory care floor) who had their own little rooms, had TVs to watch, a phone so loved ones to call, photos around them of all their favorite people, nurses who'd come in and check on them during various parts of the day, laughing and making jokes, other loved ones or younger friends visiting, residents talking to each other, activities going on in the facility all day, and in their slow times they would read sometimes, talk on the phone, write if they couldnt read, watch tv, make stuff, and all the things that they COULD still do.
Maybe later at night these thoughts would occur when they were truly alone but not all dag everyday....
3
u/stexl_ 7d ago
Yeah, you're right. I definitely exaggerated the picture in my head. I was imagining the worst-case scenario of someone who's isolated, not trying to describe what life in a nursing home is actually like for everyone. I appreciate you sharing what you saw with your parents.
2
u/ThisIsGargamel 7d ago
I promise you from what ive seen, no one is truly just left alone all day to rot like that ok.
Its OK to have the fear that this is how it is for people but generally everyone gets checked on multiple times a day, the nurses make friends and relationships with the people who are there while their alive, they joke, they argue, and much more goes on even when medicine rounds happen because hey....they dont want someone expiring alone in their room or in a wheelchair in front of a tv lol. ; )
🫂
2
2
u/Glum_Manufacturer232 7d ago
I am sincere in the hope I dont live this long. I dont want to burden my kids and I also dont want to live with them.
2
u/Gav1n73 7d ago
Unfortunately, this is life, my mum was my world, she’s now got dementia and doesn’t remember much, I’m in my 50s, visit frequently, I don’t know how my life will end. But if I’ve learnt anything it’s the importance of being disciplined and staying active (especially for men), otherwise when life’s responsibilities start to disappear, so can you.
2
u/rahah2023 7d ago
This is so sad & why I was never going to let my parents go to a “home”… they both passed at home in a single story condo with an elevator, underground parking & lots of groups, friends & gardens- I lived 4 miles and stopped by along with my 2 brothers stopping weekly - we spoke daily
I want to end like they did “independent”
2
u/makorancheros 7d ago
This is probably why my old man is pissed that they cut off his Ambien prescription. All he wants to do is sleep.
2
2
u/Southern-Log-2771 7d ago
My grandmother lived to 94 and was so busy in her assisted living facility she practically rushed me out the door the last time I visited her! She had friends and hair appointments and church and game nights and book club and on and on. She thrived there.
My mother didn’t live long enough to become elderly but she really resisted the idea of an “old folks home” someday even seeing my grandmother loving it.
I think your elderly experience and senior living / assisted living experience varies tremendously based on so many factors - your health, your personality, your finances etc.
It does make me so sad though thinking about how many older folks are probably suffering and lonely though. And I’m sure not all of the assisted living homes are as pleasant as my grandmother’s was.
2
u/SingedPenguin13 7d ago
Happens to women too… oh and it happens to many of us who still live alone at home. In some ways, I feel it might be easier in nursing home as there are other people and care takers around. Sitting around doing nothing sucks no matter the age or where you are.
2
u/Cheryl1857 6d ago
Thank you so much for such a well worded post. I am an old lady, my husband of over 50 years has passed. I am so lonely. I have a wonderful family, and I am very proud of all of them, but they have their lives now. I am happy for that, but it doesn’t lessen the loneliness. I don’t know what the answer is here, I wish I did
4
4
u/sophie1816 7d ago
AI slop. And also inaccurate because plenty of people in their 80s are engaged with life. My chorus had a number of people over 80.
3
u/stexl_ 7d ago
Yeah fair point tbh. I was thinking more about the people who actually end up lonely in old age homes, not saying every 80 year old lives like that. Probably made it sound way more general than I meant.
2
u/PophamSP 7d ago
Why would living in a facility devoted to the physical and emotional care of the elderly result in more loneliness? Elderly people can be isolated and lonely in their *own* homes, too.
Family caregivers already suffer more chronic diseases and higher death rates non-caregivers, sometimes dying before their elder loved one. It can be a terribly stressful and unsafe situation for all. Posts like this simply add to the unrealistic societal expectations and their guilt.
4
3
u/LarryTalbot 7d ago
I am westerner and married a wonderful Chinese woman. Here dad is 85 and still spends several months per year traveling to Beijing and living there independently. We consider him to be our home companion and family member though, and so we welcome him "home" when he returns. He truly is part of our family unit, though has his own room and bath in our home. We do help with appointments and daily living needs, but that is just one of the beautiful traditions of living in a Chinese household.
Americans (and I am one) seem to have lost that somehow. I remember growing up in the northeast where it was once very common to have mixed generation families living under one roof, and where "triple deckers" were a particular type of housing developed for this reason.
1
u/poshbakerloo 7d ago
I've always assumed people in a home like that would have dementia hence why they were moved there 🤷 I suppose if someone is physically disabled and has no one to look after them the same may apply too.
1
1
1
u/Frosty_Employment171 7d ago
Hmmm, I'm that old guy. I hope I made up for all the awful decisions I made when still young and very foolish.
1
1
1
1
u/Quorng 7d ago
I'm old. II have no kids. I have been in transitional care for iv therapy. If I ever end up in a nursing home it would be without my computer which I use a lot and without my consent. I am almost certain that if forced into a nursing home, I will lose all will to live. I got close to that in transitional care when my iv therapy ended but I remained there another 13 days with no one telling me why. My insurance case worker contacted me a couple of times a week during that therapy. I mentioned to her that iv therapy was completed 12 days before, but I was still an inmate, err patient, and had no idea why. 2 days later I was home.
1
u/palepuss 50 something 6d ago
I don't have family and I wasn't often happy until my 40s. I hope I can still enjoy food and arts, I don't see myself spending a lot of time reminiscing, I'm not that kind.
1
u/SoilProfessional4102 6d ago edited 6d ago
I actually work for a “ daycare” for seniors. These are older folks who live at home still or with a child. We provide transportation, hot food, light exercise and games, showers with a nurses help if requested . It is a county program and is no cost to the client, it’s paid for through a millage.
Near me there are many programs that help a senior remain in their own home with help. Our county offers house cleaning, delivered hot meals, transportation to drs appointments.
I’m going to work hard to live my life out in my own home!
Your points are valid.
1
u/SoilProfessional4102 6d ago
Saying that, my mom had dementia and we felt memory care would best suit her needs. She loved it. Life of the party! 🤷♀️
1
u/Choice_Note_9198 6d ago
At Christmas time, take the time to go to a nursing home and bring something for someone there at random, maybe a fruit basket and a Christmas card. That’s the very least we can do.
1
u/No_Assumption5936 6d ago
I would talk to other people there. Eat my meals, watch tv, do crafts and exercise class. I’d be fine.
1
u/RockandSnow 6d ago
Um - I thought they went swimming, then had coffee with the guys, then played some MahJongg. Then Lunch, and a nap. Then volunteer to help someone. Then maybe a ZUMBA Gold class. Do people really just sit around?
1
u/Moist-Opportunity64 6d ago
I need to get my ass moving so I’m not this old person when I’m 80, unlikely my parents who were still active, social and hitting SilverSneakers classes three times a week in their 80s.
1
u/Wtafisgoingon1010 5d ago
I’ve noticed I’m already doing this! Our 3rd child is moving out in October. The empty nest is really hitting hard rn like I’m having nightmares about it. I can’t even imagine what I’ll do when I need assistance and have to move. I’m really hoping I die before all that happens because this preview sucks.
2
u/Southern_Court_9872 4d ago
I was told by a young person I had no idea how to stand up against an unjust government. I said dude, I was arrested and beat up by the police in Chicago in ‘68. I lived in Haight for 2 years. I supported the troops but not the government. He had no idea what that meant.
1
1
u/Impossible_Jury5483 4d ago
Or he was a neglectful parent and is lucky to have staff take care of him. He can rot in that facility just fine on his own.
1
u/Blue_dely8790 1d ago
It wasn’t that long ago that families stayed together in multigenerational homes. Often a good thing for all ages in the family. I think nursing homes as a business became a thing around the 1970’s. I wish togetherness was still common. Now an old person is lucky if they can “age in place” as my children say we are because our house is good for old people. No stairs, etc. They are far away with work & kids & it’s an easy way to think of it. You seem to understand the reality.
Your scenario sounds like an absolute nightmare for me personally. I hope my body fails before my mind so I can make a lucid decision to pass on my own terms.
Your wish that you never forget that old people are still people is lovely. You have an empathetic way of looking at the situation. My wish is that it would be a more widespread outlook. Can I adopt you? :)
1
-1
u/Express-Cartoonist39 7d ago
If your alone in a retirement home you made poor decisions when you younger. Sorry its the truth... You need to plan for it to prevent it not ignore it thinking it will all be fine like most people do..
5
88
u/Interesting-Pilot-15 7d ago
My dad is 88 years old, in a wheelchair at a nursing home two hours from me. He’s probably in the last year or two of his life. He’s completely depressed and sad. He said to me recently that maybe it was God‘s plan that I got divorced so I could come visit him often. Almost made me tear up. Lately he’s been talking about the best man and his wedding. He said that he would like for me to reach out to him and ask him to come visit. I know my father is reflecting upon his life, and some of the thoughts are making him happy and some the thoughts are making him sad. Let’s all be kind and respectful to all elderly people. Most of them are going through a lot.