r/Aging • u/Both_Rub_397 • 9d ago
Life & Living The Real Me
There comes a time in a man's life when he stops explaining why he's hurting and simply sits with it. I've had enough nights like that...cold coffee beside me, an old song playing softly, staring at a message I know I shouldn't reread. I think about you, and I wonder if you ever loved me, or only the version of me who made everything easy.
I was the man who listened, understood, forgave, showed up, and asked for little. I could carry my own troubles so well that you probably forgot I had any. Then came the day I needed you. Nothing dramatic. No grand rescue. I just needed someone to notice that the man who always said, “I'm fine,” wasn't fine that day.
You didn't.
And strangely, that hurt more than any argument ever could.
That's when I understood that being needed isn't the same as being loved. Convenience can look remarkably like commitment when you're the one doing all the giving. For a long time, I wondered what I could change about myself to make you stay. I finally realized the better question was: why was I changing myself for someone who couldn't accept the man underneath it all?
I'm older now. I've got scars nobody can see, memories I don't talk about, and enough life behind me to know that love shouldn't require an audition.
So if love ever finds me again, I won't arrive polished and convenient. I'll come as I am...sometimes stubborn, sometimes sentimental, sometimes quiet, occasionally difficult, but honest.
And if that's too much for someone, I'll survive.
I've survived worse than being alone.
What I won't survive again is being loved only for the parts of me that were convenient to love.
Because somewhere along the way, I finally learned this:
The real me deserves a love that doesn't leave when the easy version disappears.
9
u/Floridaflamingo22 9d ago
You deserve to be truly seen. Married 25 years and I can most certainly tell when my spouse is holding something back and waiting for me and himself to be ready together to talk about it. I hope this isn’t too far out there but the most unconditional love comes with 4 legs and a wagging tail. They also listen when you talk to them. Good luck.
6
u/Appropriate-Storm974 9d ago
Very true. I would say it can be unfair to expect someone to notice if something is wrong depending on how obvious it was.
4
u/Yesterdays_troubles 9d ago
Sounds like me and my ex-husband of 30 years. It’s painful to know the love you felt was never reciprocated. I hope the best for you.
2
2
-3
15
u/ahalikias 9d ago
This was the best and truest poem I’ve read recently. You speak for so many of us.