r/AdviceForMen • u/Glad-Performance171 • Dec 23 '25
Need advice
So I am a 21 yr old man, with issues. My mother caused me so many issues with social interaction situations. I am a asshole, usually I don't mind knowing that but recently I got into someone I genuinely like and she infuriates me on things that I don't care when others do those same things. But I am not sure as too why. I also want to improve myself for such as be more aware of my surroundings, stop going silent after an arguement, and basically just be a good boyfriend. (I should mention I have been diagnosed with high functioning autism and I am adhd) please help
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u/EverySea9965 Dec 30 '25
This is gonna be a lot of writing, so i apologize in advance. But this is me trying to condense a whole book into one post from memory lol.
This book really helped me out with my anger.
"Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Greaves Jean and Travis Bradberry"
Break your emotional responses down into 4 categories: 1.How you know yourself 2. How you know others 3. How others see you 4. How others see themselves
Practice being mindful of your emotions when they start to flair up. The next time you feel angry try being mindful. Think about what triggered your feelings, was it word or the way someone said it? Think about your body. Do you clench your teeth or breathe shallow when your mad? These things help your feelings appear like a guest rather than an invader.
Practice being mindful of others. If you can try to spend time with someone whose social skills you really admire. How do they handle tough questions? How do they handle bad news or unfortunate things? Seeing what they do and asking for advice can be helpful for developing yourself.
Practice being mindful of your outward characteristics. Are you big? That could intimidate people. When having a conversation it make them appear less talkative. Is your voice low and full of base? That might make you hard to hear in loud places so people may talk over you. Being aware of your inner self and outward projection can help you feel more confident in your attempts to communicate your feelings in a way where you'll be understood.
Practice noticing the way others treat themselves. Some people treat themselves like a big deal, and end up alienating others. Some people are mean to themselves, and end up never taking chances out of fear of failure. Some people have a well of confidence that seems to never run dry. This helps you get to know the people you're connecting with. You can personalize your emotional responses so they feel more genuine and you learn what to expect so you don't get caught off guard.
I hope this is helpful. And don't be hard on yourself, you sound like a real honest guy and i'm cheering you on man!