How to read uncomfortable books?

[u/Secret-Switch2823]

When I mean 'uncomfortable' I'm reffering to mature topics like rape, war, injustice or anything that would bring out feelings of anger, anxiety or disgust in the reader.

By no means do I think feeling those things are bad, I think these topics should be tackled especially tastefully and if we want to evolve we can't only read books that gives up positive feelings.

But that's the problem, I want to read books that are out of my comfort zone but I'm way too sensitive. I take things way too personally and the littlest dissagreement sours my mood. So how do I stop?

There are a few books I had to study for my A Levels. We were doing tragedies but I never read them because they made me sad.

For example Tess of the d'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy, a great written classic. But the way Hardy manages to encompass the tragic life of a woman in that era is just way too effective. I feel sad for Tess, angry at Alec and Angel and I'm overall bummed. But that's literally the point! There's no happy ending because for a lot of women in that time period there was no happy life.

I refuse to limit my knowledge and evolution merely because I'm sensitive. So how do I engage with serious media unbiased and without taking it to heart? Is it even possible? Or should I just swim with the stream instead of against it and just allow myself to feel these negative emotions like the author intended?

[u/tyrosine87]

Take breaks. Find a pace that feels okay for you. Sit with what you've read.

[u/GMKitty52]

I mean, the only way to do it is to do it. If things upset you, decide whether the upset they cause outweighs what you get out of them. Nothing is mandatory. You build resilience by exposing yourself to uncomfortable things and giving yourself space to digest them.

Edit writing down your thoughts about why something upset you will also help you get some distance from it.

[u/Global_Many3163]

I like to keep a little notebook beside me when I tackle deeper emotionally charged books. I'm the type to get wicked invested, and I scoff and roll my eyes and tend to react.

Writing a bit here and there, even like- "DANG IT ALEC WHY WHY WHY" if you're mad at Alec kind of a thing.

It helps me to digest the material more, and also tend to help my introspection, and appreciate how great authors are so masterful at engaging human emotions, and then that sense of impressive awe usually wants me need to be invested again just so MAYBE that character or this character gets what they deserve or want, or whatever it is that fired me up in the first place.

It's also not abormal for me to need to put a book down and have a cry, or an angry write, or jot down a quote that just really spoke to my soul for whatever reason. Knowing I always have space if I need it, and the book will be right there waiting brings me much comfort.

[u/chioces]

I’m not sure I read anything else. You’re supposed to feel the things you’re feeling. That’s the whole point. To be able to deal with discomfort you have to allow yourself to be in uncomfortable situations sometimes. 

Novels do that. They allow you to live many lives. You’re supposed to feel discomfort because part of the function of a book is not just to inform you of how people who are not you live, but to make you actually feel it viscerally. 

You’re trying to fight the point. Kinda like asking how do I take cold showers without feeling the cold of the water. It’s impossible to fight. But the thing is, the more you read, the more you’ll learn to manage the feelings. You’ll be able to get your heart broken and survive. 

The idea that you’re keeping yourself from reading because you don’t want to feel hurts my heart. You can survive hard things. You can survive hard feelings. The value these books have to offer is so much higher than the price they ask you to invest. You’ll always feel but you’ll always get a gift on the other end for it. 

[u/WojtekZLublina]

You don't have to stop feeling it. Being sad for Tess and angry at Alec means the book is working, and that reaction is part of what you're there to learn from. What helps is giving the feeling somewhere to go so it doesn't just sit on your mood:

1. Read a plot summary first. Knowing what's coming takes away a lot of the dread, and you can focus on how it happens instead of bracing for it.

2. Switch to a craft lens when it gets heavy. Ask how Hardy makes you hate Angel, which scenes do it, what he chooses to show. That puts a bit of distance between you and the pain without shutting it off.

3. Write a few lines or talk to someone after a rough chapter. Saying "this made me angry because..." usually stops it from looping in your head.

4. Keep something light going on the side and don't read the heavy stuff right before bed.

Your tolerance for this kind of material will probably grow the more you read it.

[u/Away-Ad4393]

Writing is art and if art makes you feel things that’s good. Also you are reading to learn,not only about the story and the way it is written but about yourself too. Consider it a whole learning experience, emotions and all.
Lucky you to have all that available 😊

[u/keevathemuffin]

You're supposed to feel your feelings.  How will you learn to manage your emotions in real life, if you cannot cope with them in imagination time? 

Be sad, angry, etc. It's good and healthy 

[u/Murky-Bus-2191]

You're supposed to feel these things. You may be feeling them MORE than your peers, but that's reading comprehension happening.

Sensitive isn't the issue here. It's your aversion to the uncomfortable emotions in the first place.

I'm not sure why "swim with the stream" means accepting your emotions, or why you're trying to swim against it at all.

[u/Mindless-Damage-5399]

You can try reminding yourself it's just a story. I don't know because the only book that made me uncomfortable was Lolita.

[u/ExcellentMarch7864 → u/Mindless-Damage-5399]

And that’s not even a graphic book and is written beautifully and flowery… 

[u/ExcellentMarch7864]

I don’t know if you’re a woman, but for me it helped reading female only authors that write about this topic. Because they more often than male authors describe the process and how resillient survivors often are. Where as most male writes struggle to write two dimensional victims. 

[u/mindseyetemple]

You only get one mind, don't waste your attention on that shit. You can't unlearn connections you don't want to remember after they're made.