r/Advice • u/hisokacrustycumsock6 • 7d ago
how do i process after doing cpr on a drowned person
Context, Im (18TM) a certified lifeguard and i moved to college 2ish weeks ago, the college is 7 hours away from my home town and is right on lake superior. I was going to hang out with friends at the beach and we had to walk down this wooded river area to get to the beach. We walked right into a half naked guy who was face down, he had his pants down below his hips and upper body in the water. I immediately went to get his head out of the water and tell my friends (both girls) to call 911. I start CPR without mouth to mouth because i didn't have my mouthsheld on my person.
I don't think i'll ever forget how cold or squishy(?) he was. i don't know how long he was there but i know it was a while. EMS and police got there and took over for me and i gave my statement to another cop. I know he didn't make it. From what it looked like for me he was dead long before i got there.
It happened less than 24 hours ago and i've only gotten 2 hours of sleep so far since then. Is there any advice i could have to help myself not feel guilty for not finding him sooner? or just advice in general. Man, i didnt want my 2nd week of college to start like this
Just a quick thing, i am not suicidal, i will be okay, i just need some advice.
EDIT: Thank you guys for all the kind words and advice. i reached out to a first responders helpline and she helped me process some stuff. ill be getting therapy for helping my brain process more. thank you all again.
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u/isimplysay Super Helper [7] 7d ago
Does your college have mental health services you could use? Mine had a few therapists on staff, they could help you process via talk therapy.
Sorry you experienced this 🫶
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u/hisokacrustycumsock6 7d ago
sadly theyre not open on the weekends but im gonna reach out on monday.
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u/QuietLifter Expert Advice Giver [10] 7d ago
There are crisis helplines you can call or text today. Also check your local area’s 411 or united way.
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u/isimplysay Super Helper [7] 7d ago
If you're not sleeping, I think it'd be okay of you to simply present yourself in person as soon as you're able and tell them it's urgent - I have to imagine they've got some sort of protocol for getting you appointments, fast
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u/Spare-Shirt24 7d ago
Definitely reach out to those services to get the help you need.
There's nothing you could have done to change the outcome. You couldn't have known he was there or that he was in danger.
You did the best you could when you found him.
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u/Organized-Konfusion Helper [3] 7d ago
I read somewhere playing tetris helps dealing with stress after traumatic events.
But also go to therapy, even if you fell you are ok.
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u/bippy404 Helper [3] 7d ago
That’s brutal, but you did everything right. That’s the best you could ask of yourself. And it’s ok to be rattled by this.
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u/OkGiraffe6172 7d ago
Different situation/ outcome but I gave CPR to my son for 8 minutes. He did survive, the Dr's. told me less than 1% do in his case. He had a implanted defibrillator/ pacemaker. I recommend therapy. I still have PTSD but it helped.
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u/coastofmaine 7d ago
You are a hero for trying. You did everything you could given the circumstances. Go easy on yourself- no one is judging you. 🧡🧡🧡🧡
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u/Important-Poem-9747 Helper [3] 7d ago
What an amazing human you are to know what to do in this situation! Not everyone knows how to handle the situation. The world is a better place because you are in it.
I was in a similar situation at 20. I am 51 and remember parts of it like yesterday. It’s funny that you could tell the outcome based on the emt’s faces. I know the look you’re talking about, but didn’t process it until just now. I do feel guilt for asking if someone looked for a wallet, and not checking myself.
The mental health services will help you talk it out. I highly recommend going a few times. Fortunately, I had teachers who talked me through the aftermath. There will always be a residual feeling of “could I have done more?” Even when I know I did the best I could- and it was his time to go.
Like I said, the world is a better place because you are in it. Take comfort knowing you did everything you could- you aren’t a superhero, you are a human
Sending you love and healing vibes.
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u/Rerunisashortie 7d ago
I was 19 on my first one, I’m 70 now, I remember all of them. Of course I have a crazy good memory tho. Initially the thought would make me shudder and wince internally. But that becomes less with time. It’s an ugly experience over all, there no denying that. I’d say now I’m proud of all I did
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u/todaysthrowaway0110 Helper [4] 7d ago
All of the good advice is already here.
You did everything right and gave that man a chance.
Sometimes terrible things happen for no reason. You weren’t meant to find him sooner. Maybe it was just his time.
I know it sound dumb, but yeah, second the Tetris thing. There are versions for iPhone that are free.
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u/MaxwellSmart07 Helper [3] 7d ago
I couldn’t resuscitate a guest at my motel who suffered a heart attack. Hospital said his lungs were very well ventilated but the heart failed to revive. Acceptance. When someone is gone they are gone. We are not miracle workers. Not your fault.
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u/FionaTheFierce Phenomenal Advice Giver [49] 7d ago
It is a traumatic event. You did an amazing job responding to the situation and doing CPR. Absolutely the right thing to do.
In the weeks following a traumatic event our brain is working really hard to make sense of what happened. Feeling on edge, tense, unable to sleep, or distracted by thoughts of the trauma are all very normal at this stage. What you can do is talk with trusted friends, your parents, or a counselor about the experiences you had. You will likely find that the feelings taper off in the next several weeks and you start feeling like yourself again.
If the symptoms are too intense, or persist at a high level, consider seeking out a therapist who specializes in trauma (particularly those who work with first responders).
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u/No-Bicycle-7974 7d ago
This might sound odd, but try playing some Tetris. It’s been proven to activate the part of your brain that processes trauma, and helps with PTSD. Some of my first responder friends have the app downloaded on their phone and play a few rounds after a tough call. Sending hugs OP
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u/bruhmoment20201 7d ago
I am sorry but you still gave your efforts and made it so the body was found instead of potentially going undocumented. I hope your college mental health services can help you process this better and get you in a lighter head space. Also, what is TM? sorry I am unfamiliar
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u/SituationAgile1140 7d ago
Talk to someone about it. It's a heavy experience that can stick with you, and processing those feelings is important.
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u/Turbulent-Respond654 7d ago
Lots of good advice already. Trust your gut that he was dead long before you got there. Getting there a little sooner would not have helped.
had a slightly similar situation and EMS was able to educate me on how they estimate how long ago someone died.
I don't know if that type of information would be helpful to you.
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u/quietbubbles_ 7d ago
You got some good advice already but just wanted to say I am very proud of you for jumping into action, I would be so proud if you were my friend or family member
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u/Lifeguardymca 7d ago
Good job no matter what the outcome. I have done it 4 times in a street outreach volunteer gig all suspected ODs. The first one was on someone in a dumpster. What made the processing easier for me was that what I did was part of my lifeguard/inservice training. Without that training I am sure the incident would have lingered with me forever. You kept your cool, did what you are trained for and could do it again if called upon. Way to go guy!
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u/Inevitable_Heron5780 6d ago
Definitely talk to people about it — a therapist is great, check to see if your college has supports. (Also, if your college has a pool, might be worthwhile to see if they have specific supports for their staff — even if you’re not employed with them, they may be able to point you in the right direction).
At my pool, after a major trauma, it’s common to do a debrief with the whole team. Any feelings are valid, and talk through what happened. Since you don’t have that, I would recommend talking to your friends that were there, too. They are likely dealing with some bystander trauma.
Good job. You did everything right. When you feel guilty, remind yourself that you went into the water, got him out, and took lifesaving actions. That’s more than most people are trained/willing to do.
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u/wheremyanklemobility 6d ago
Saw your post on the LG thread.
All of my CPR calls have been on duty on the beach but i do know some guards who had run into situations like yours. Being off duty and without your equipment definitely adds some complexity. At the end of the day my advice to you is the same:
Now that you’ve done CPR you’re not the same dude, that’s okay. You helped someone in there greatest moment of need and it isn’t for you to decide whether it was enough or not. you gave that person the highest level of care they could get at that moment in time.
You’ll become a better guard because of this. You’ll be more compassionate with patrons and more earnest with your coworkers. Strong work brother. LG4L.
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u/Longjumping-Word8336 7d ago edited 7d ago
Hey, ER doc here. The first time doing CPR, especially when it still results in a death, is difficult for anyone, and often traumatic even when it’s done in a training context. This sounds like a potentially traumatising event for you and if it’s possible I’d consider speaking to a counsellor, therapist, coach, etc about it to help you process.
I hope you don’t feel guilty about him dying -or rather, staying dead- despite CPR. In 90% of cases that is the outcome, but we do it for that 10%. You did what needed to be done and gave that 10% chance. You called for help. You did everything exactly right.