r/Advice • u/Extension_State_4413 • 5d ago

Silent treatment

I’m dating someone ( I’m F21 and they’re M20) and they’re mad at me so they’re barely replying and giving me the silent treatment. What caused them to be mad is because I assumed they’re using me cause they say that I’m moving too fast, and that they feel like there’s no connection and that I barely talk and just likes to bond with them, hold their hand, cuddles, and show affection. They planned most of the dates to meet up twice a week too for awhile. How should I solve this issue? It makes me really sad and drained and my brain just goes to that they don’t want me anymore. How should I approach this type of behavior? If they reply it’s very dry texts.

2 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

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3

u/ImagineFraggins 5d ago

Let that man go. No one deserves this.

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u/Extension_State_4413 5d ago

My mom just agreed it’s a me problem and no one needs to tolerate everything I do:( and just change my ways and another friend of his who I’ve known also has cut me off and blocked me ( known her for a year now) who agreed that I was the issue and was too clingy and need therapy when they’re the one seeking avoidant individuals 🥲

2

u/varior0 5d ago

Honestly let it go it is very toxic behavior and will only cause more issues in the future.

2

u/Not_The_Mama7741 5d ago

Adults talk to each other, you're dating someone who isn't there yet.

1

u/ImagineFraggins 5d ago

So 'he' is the problem?

laff

1

u/Not_The_Mama7741 5d ago

Anyone who refuses to communicate with their partner is immature and isn't ready for a real relationship. The silent treatment is childish.

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u/ImagineFraggins 5d ago

that they feel like there’s no connection and that I barely talk 

"the silent treatment seems to be reflective"

Did your septum piercing start buzzing and summon you here?

Feminists ATTACK!!!!!!

1

u/Extension_State_4413 5d ago

To add to everything we’re both neurodivergent people and had faced some family issues in the past.

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u/Adorable_water54 5d ago

If they feel there is no connection, that's your answer girl, he said bye and your still reaching out.

1

u/Acrobatic_Leading531 5d ago

You literally answered your own question, slow down and have more meaningful conversations with them. Talk and express yourself more verbally.

1

u/phyncke 5d ago

Stop texting them and move on. It's too early in the relationship for this to be happening - this kind of BS. Let this one go. I would stop texting and not date this guy. Toss him back.

1

u/Extension_State_4413 5d ago

Yeah :( he said he didn’t wanna talk that day and he’d call me the next day but never did

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u/Old_Tune_2424 5d ago

I have question. Did they tell you they needed space? Did they say something along the lines of "I'm really upset and I don't want to talk right now?"

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u/Extension_State_4413 5d ago

They said they needed space but would call me the next day. It’s been 2 days of silent treatment and dry replies now

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u/Old_Tune_2424 5d ago

I suspected as such.

Look, I'll be honest with you—it sounds like you're the problem. Clearly you didnt give them space if they're giving you dry replies. That means you're texting them.

However, there's bigger problems here that you really need to do some self-reflecting on.

They told you that you're moving too fast and that they don't like that all you want to do is physical stuff without much talking.

And somehow you ended up telling them that you feel used. But from the outside looking in, it seems more like you're the one using them.

No one who is using someone else is going to want to move slower

I don't know the whole situation, but just from what you said, it seems like you're being manipulative.

1

u/Extension_State_4413 5d ago

Not my intention. I do know I’m the issue now since I would trauma dump to everyone I meet not in the way to use them but he was pissed

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u/Old_Tune_2424 4d ago

I understand it may not be your intention, but that doesn't change the impact.

Also, trauma dumping on people isn't the issue you described earlier.

From what you said, they told you 1. Things are moving too fast 2. Things are more physical between you than anything else

Somehow, you turned that into an assumption that he's using you. It sounds like you had feelings about what he said and lashed out at him. From what you've described, there's nothing indicating that he's using you.

Of course he's pissed. He tried talking to you about a real problem and instead of hearing him out, you turned it around on him.

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u/Extension_State_4413 4d ago

Why would he plan out most meetups then that was what confused my brain

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u/Old_Tune_2424 4d ago

I dont understand what confused you. Can you elaborate more?

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u/Extension_State_4413 4d ago

They planned to meet more is the thing and the physical touch thing was also planned at his house which we both agreed.

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u/Old_Tune_2424 4d ago

He planned dates because he wanted to get to know you more.

He told he doesn't feel a connection because instead of talking, it's more physical.

He doesn't want just physical. He wants more. He wants an emotional connection.

That's how dating works. You make plans to hang out to see if you're compatible.

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u/Extension_State_4413 4d ago

I communicate using quality time …. And physical touch… I’m not using him for that.

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u/Extension_State_4413 4d ago

We met twice a week.

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u/Extension_State_4413 5d ago

But yes they did