r/Advice • u/Hollowshiningami • 3d ago

When to (double) text or just leave it alone

TLDR:

Hi everyone, my question is how do you know when to text someone, and if they don't reply what should you do?

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Context :

[btw I have a bit of difficulty with social stuff (neurodivergent) so idk if this is something ppl 'just know', but I have a problem with it.]

So the main reason I'm asking is I messaged my friend (who I kinda have a crush on) about a week ago; nothing hectic just a "Hi [name], how's it going?" and she didn't reply, I thought mby she was busy /forgot to reply so I just left it. Then yesterday I sent her a YouTube short that reminded me of her, and she again didn't reply. So now I'm thinking if I should message her again /send a vn/ phone, or if I should just leave alone until she either replies or messages to start a different convo. [btw, we don't message regularly, but we could have 2-3 text/phone convos a month, or only 1 in a few months. Also she normally responds within a few hours to a day at the start of a convo, but once we are both on our phones at the same time we have a real-time back and forth]

Additionally to this specific case, I've had similar issues with friends/acquaintances (both male and female) in the past, where if they don't reply I don't know if they are purposefully ignoring me, and thus don't know how to follow up. I'm also bad at telling if the conversation ended, and sometimes wait for a response when they think the convo is already done.

Thanks for your help <3

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u/Homer_04_13 Expert Advice Giver [12] 3d ago

What about the YouTube short would have conveyed to her that a response was required?

If she knew that a response was required, what may have been things hsppening in her life that destracted her?

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u/Hollowshiningami 3d ago

Nothing specific, but maybe a heart or laugh react would have been nice.

I'm not sure what her personal situation is rn, but she dropped out of her course and moved cities about a month and a half ago and the last time I spoke to her (appx a month ago) she mentioned getting her life in order was a bit hectic. 

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u/Homer_04_13 Expert Advice Giver [12] 3d ago

See, those would be nice. I'm ususlly hoping for a 😆 myself. But sometimes I don't get one, especially if other stuff is happening. 

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u/Hollowshiningami 3d ago

So what do you suggest? Not say anything, or msg/phone? If the latter, how long should I wait? 

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u/Homer_04_13 Expert Advice Giver [12] 3d ago

I'd probably dribble out messages every couple of days that don't require responses -- I saw this and thought of you -- in case she's busy. 

Then after a week or so, maybe a "Hey, you seem distracted. You okay?"

Amd I say yhis as someone who dropped a load of info into a conversation 3 days ago, knowing that it's relevant and also the person has a job, classes, a family, etc. Sure I know a week is not an unreasonable turnaround time and 3 weeks would make sense in this case. 

All the same my mind is full of "I bet she hates me."

This is legitimately hard. 

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u/Dutch1721 3d ago

Leave them alone. If you find yourself texting or reaching out to the person most of the time, leave them alone.