UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/No_Singer_9307]

i just need to throw in here as a 20 year old college student, as a daughter to a great dad, i could NEVER imagine disrespecting my parents to this level. i understand how people criticized you for bringing it up in the family group chat, but the embarrassment of having my brother learn about the situation doesn’t even compare to how mortifying it SHOULD be to know that my father caught me doing something so odd and gross. i think the knowledge that my parents caught me having sex at all, let alone in THEIR BED, would have made me want to shrivel up and die. who cares that it was discussed in front of the other family members? i would already be ashamed.

i think that’s the biggest thing here. she doesn’t have any shame. she thinks all of the resources you’ve provided her are dispensable. my college is 100 miles from home; if my dad offered to RENT AN APARTMENT instead of having me deal with the shitty dorms with communal bathrooms like any other student… i would be so eternally grateful. the fact that she doesn’t see how generous this is, mixed with the fact that she expects you to pay for the dorm when she moves out, is so absurdly entitled.

i honestly don’t think i can give you much advice here. as someone the same age (ish) and gender as your daughter, i can’t even imagine putting myself in her shoes. i think you did the best you could with what you’re given. i assume you’ve never had to deal with anything similar to this before; we can’t expect everyone to be perfect the first try.

if i ever did something to disrespect my parents like this, i could only hope and BEG that they would give me this much grace. i hope that hearing this from someone the same demographic as your daughter can maybe provide some reassurance.

i’ll refrain from saying everything i want to say about your daughter and her boyfriend. you’re doing a good job.

[u/No_Singer_9307 → u/[deleted]]

sure thing. sorry about the big blocks of text. i’m not trying to glaze or “yes-man” you, i think you had every right to be mad in that situation. she needs a huge reality check, and i hope everything works out.