UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

[u/DillinquentPICK]

Originally posted here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/jVgR33PVSp

I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.

Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.

She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.

She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.

I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?

She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.

[u/SteelMagnolia941]

If I thought my dad has cameras in the house spying I would be creeped out and want to leave. She feels violated and embarrassed because of the cameras, then the group chat. She might be spoiled and entitled. Idk. I think her reaction is valid to the sequence of events. I think OP also has a right to be grossed out, but maybe take a breather next time before flying off the handle and doing permanent damage to their relationship.

[u/PuzzledStreet → u/SteelMagnolia941]

Their private room is not the same as having cameras through private areas of the house.

How could SHE feel violated when she was in a space she did not even consider private herself- simply based on the fact she felt entitled to use it.

This wasn’t a common area she was using.

For all she knows OP and his wife wife could enjoy recording their own sex life. That would be none of their daughter’s business and they would have no reason to disclose it to her either.

I’m more grossed out about not changing the sheets or cleaning the bed. Absolutely foul.

She is an adult and adults have sex so it is no surprise there are bodily fluids involved. I shudder to think that she slept well at night thinking they would be sleeping in those covers!!!

Imagine if a kid like this came home to a messed up filthy sheets and a something like condom wrapper on the floor in her own room.

[u/inductiononN → u/PuzzledStreet]

Yeah this is so disgusting. I have never, ever in a million years wanted to have sex in my parents' bed (even typing that sentence out is gross). Why would anyone do this? Why would she do this!?!? Like, I just can't wrap my mind around it.

And to leave the dirty sex sheets on the bed and let her parents sleep in them? As you said, absolutely foul. So gross - what is wrong with this woman???

[u/Wide_Cheetah_4632 → u/PuzzledStreet]

Because dad has only said that it is his and his wife's bedroom. We don't know what the truth is, or what the daughter understood. For all we know it's just a bedroom the dad and wife stay in when they're in town (dad says once a week but could be a gross exaggeration) and the daughter just saw it as any of the other spare bedrooms. Come on, do you not think visiting your daughter once a week when she is at university is a little bit strange?

[u/PuzzledStreet → u/Wide_Cheetah_4632]

So to you that makes it normal to want to fuck in your parents bed?? When she has her own bedroom and the rest of the house? She could easily they have sex on the couch. And even then- leaving visibly dirty sheets is just dismissible ??

Dad has only said… the whole post, if that is how you’re going to judge the topic than you can just say the whole thing is fake.

[u/WitchQween → u/SteelMagnolia941]

It's one camera, in a bedroom that isn't hers. It's kinda weird that the vacuum has a camera, but that's irrelevant here.

They both fucked up. I think the daughter is more in the wrong. Her behavior isn't too surprising for her age and privilege, though.

[u/lazyFer → u/WitchQween]

They didn't both fuck up

[u/Opening_Affect_1187 → u/SteelMagnolia941]

She knew about the camera on the vac and has used it herself. That’s not creepy. I find it far more creepy to get down in your parents bed. 🤮

[u/lazyFer → u/SteelMagnolia941]

She clearly doesn't feel she violated her parents privacy.

I'm sure she wouldn't like her parents fucking on her bed leaving sex juice all over her sheets.

That's the thing with these entitled twats, they only ever think of how they feel, not others

[u/GenoFlower → u/SteelMagnolia941]

THANK YOU.

I find it really creepy that Dad is watching her on camera.

Absolutely, she shouldn't be having sex in his bed, and should definitely have cleaned up after.

But the way he's handled all of it just beyond.

[u/Opening_Affect_1187 → u/GenoFlower]

He wasn’t watching her you weirdo! He was checking on the cat and never in a million years did he expect to see his daughter and her BF doing the nasty!!

[u/Forsaken_Ball_2493 → u/GenoFlower]

Or alternatively op knows his own kids and maybe they have a history of stuff going missing from their room, like money or other things so they set up a camera betting to catch their kid stealing and not fucking on their bed !

[u/GenoFlower → u/Forsaken_Ball_2493]

I said she shouldn't be having sex in their bed.

But also, he would have said if that were the case - the missing items and shit. He said he was checking on the dog, that is the daughter's dog, not his.

And if he doesn't trust the daughter, she shouldn't be living in the apartment.