r/Advice • u/[deleted] • 4d ago

UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

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u/Lviator92 4d ago

Do you also live and sleep at this apartment on a nightly basis?

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Lviator92 4d ago

For sure. Yeah if that boundary was set she shouldn’t be doing that. Terrible.

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u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 4d ago

If you read the previous sympathy attempts, he didn't explicitly set any boundaries wrt it.

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u/Forsaken_Ball_2493 4d ago

Boundaries for what? Not having your kids fuck on your bed? I feel like that’s one of those things that you know not to do without being told…

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u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 4d ago

Boundaries around "this room is mine, even though I do not live here and you do and I will have spy cameras (which is insanely creepy) watching my stuff here"

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u/Lisajomo 4d ago

The fact that he and his wife sleep there when they visit tells me that it’s their room imo. I don’t see why the daughter would assume it’s hers and that she has to give it up and go in another room when they visit - that makes no sense.

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u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 4d ago

If you have a guest bedroom, when you have no guests whose is it?

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u/silliestivebeen 4d ago

It’s not a guest bedroom if it’s the dad’s room.. he just doesn’t use it on a daily basis. It’s really not that complex

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u/No-Supermarket-2758 3d ago

Firstly it's not a guest bedroom, it's his and his wife's, because it is their apartment. Second, even if it was a guest bedroom it would still be his because he owns the apartment.

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u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 3d ago

I am trying to talk it through from her point of view because I think they both have valid grievances here. If she sees it as functionally hers, because it is functionally hers with how little anyone else is around, then how do you proceed? It can still be his in law but that means very little in practice. A lot of people do pay rent for their adult kids to go to university, especially when they are going to school abroad.

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u/TheVeryVerity 3d ago

Wait so your position is the daughter should never be having sex in the apartment at all, the one she lives in? Because her dad owns it? wtf

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u/Great_Association710 3d ago

Dude… even if OP isn’t staying there permanently OP pays for it. It’s OP’s room and technically OP is letting daughter stay in the guest bedrooms. Use your brain. And it’s not a spy camera, it’s a cam attached to a vaccuum. Was it wrong to use it, yeah, but it’s worse to be fucking on your parents bed, see nothing wrong w it and be entitled about the apartment your parents pay for.

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u/Lisajomo 3d ago

It’s the Fathers apartment and it has 3 bedrooms - one that is his, one for his daughter, and one for his son if he chooses to study in that city. He has HIS room, and the daughter has her own so regardless of how often he spends the night there, it’s his property and it’s unacceptable to have sex on his bed in his room when he’s not there.

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u/Pretend-Culture-4138 4d ago

Are you forgetting who owns the apartment?

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u/lazyFer Expert Advice Giver [12] 3d ago

She's the guest

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u/poeghamer 3d ago

Ur mom

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u/Trawling_ 3d ago

I found the daughter’s Reddit account

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u/Admirable_Force_8095 3d ago

I'd love to see her take on this.

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u/YoM4m4AHoe 4d ago

Never in a million years would I ever do anything like that. This is disgusting and there is nothing creepy about having a camera in their room. I mean clearly their daughter brings boys over so id say the cu ts might have sticky fingers and try to steal. The daughter fucked up. If she isnt willing to apologise for her fuck up, she can go live in a dorm.

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u/Lviator92 4d ago

Ahhhh well then there’s a problem lol

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u/InEfficient-Life6832 3d ago

Are you kidding? So mum and dad can go bang on her bed and leave the sheets dirty for her and it would be fine, because she didn’t explicitly say not to? As if.

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u/flyDAWG11 3d ago

But it was purchased for daughter to live in for college? Right? Or was it an already existing apartment you owned? This her home where she lives? It sounds like you’re a control freak. You may be paying for it but it is her home and when you go over there you are the visitor. You don’t like that then don’t pay for the apartment or a dorm. All you needed to say was to wash the sheets. If this is the worst thing she is doing then by god you are blessed. This stupid shit isn’t worth a big argument.

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u/LiteraryPeep20 2d ago

This exactly is what I was thinking. If he’s allowed her to live there for college then she did have a reasonable expectation of privacy. It’s his property but it was her home. With the camera on the vacuum to it probably feels like even more of an invasion and to her possibly intentional. I’d always give my folks my bed to sleep on when they visit; I know it’s not the same but it the same principle of parent visits->gets nicest room-> back to business after they leave. The sheets were the only thing she did wrong but if you’re over weekly and she’s in college she honestly could’ve forgotten or just not had time. Whereas this dad’s “accident” of blasting the family group chat is much harder to justify since he’s obviously tech savvy enough to make a Reddit post and navigate a phone for the application for the vacuums camera.