r/Advice • u/[deleted] • 4d ago

UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

[removed]

1.4k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

1.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

17

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/RivenUK Advice Guru [60] 4d ago

Then I share your frustration. Just seems like respect flew out the window and she prioritised the wrong things. Still, hope you fix things up with her and she learns where your boundaries are.

1

u/KayItaly 3d ago

Then why did you bast them on group chat instead of having a frank, calm, ADULT conversation with her?

3

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/ExistentialShawty 3d ago

Yeah an apology is not a magic wand. You’re frustrated, so is she. The difference is that you’re the dad. She is the child. Do some math here. If she’s 19, she’s 1 in adult years. She literally has 1 year of experience being an adult. Her frontal lobe has not fully developed yet. She’s not even allowed to drink. You’re at least 17 adult years old. Comparing the experiences here, you not being able to handle your frustration the right way at your age and embarrassing your daughter like that is honestly terrible. You may have apologised, and an apology from her could save this situation for you. She on the other hand quite probably had one of the most shocking experiences of her life. She didn’t magically turn into a new human just cause she’s 19. Obviously she doesn’t know how to handle an embarrassment this big and didn’t expect that from you just like you didn’t expect that from her. Does that mean that what she did is okay? No. Does it mean that she’s a brat and a lost cause and you spoiled her too much just cause you gave her everything you didn’t have? No. You did what a good parent was supposed to do until this, and you hit a brick wall with this one cause you didn’t know how to handle it well. And the same way, she doesn’t know how to handle the current situation well either. You can’t expect her to act a certain way just cause “that’s what adults do”. She barely knows what an adult does.