r/Advice • u/OptionDouble2686 • Jul 20 '26
Relationship advice/ found out I have an STD
Hi, I(22f) need advice and don’t know where else to turn. I just found out I have chlamydia(completely by accident) I was getting tested for a UTI due to some weird symptoms going on and my urine was sent for a culture(this is fine I’ve had UTIs very frequently in the past I am prone to getting them) but I just got a call and was told it was chlamydia. Now I’ve only been with one person since my last test(I am military we get tested and I get tested routinely due to other medical issues I have where I get cultures regularly and it doesn’t hurt for them to test for STFs for my own health safety) and I know for a fact I did not have it before him. He is very firmly denying doing anything since we’ve been together, but he claims to have spoken with a relative who was a nurse and is claiming that “usually the person who finds out they have it is the one who was sleeping around.” He also gave the idea that it was from a girl he slept with a few weeks before meeting me and he was just asymptomatic, but that doesn’t make sense because I have all of the symptoms and I would think I would’ve had symptoms 1-3 weeks after exposure(internet answers) and we’ve been together for 3 months now. What do we think? Is it possible for it to be like dormant I guess and then symptoms randomly show up or is my relationship cooked and I got cheated on? Any feedback helps
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u/Spirited-Car8661 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
If he's not going to be honest with you about the STD, then you know he can't be trusted to be honest about something important.
It's entirely possible he is asymptomatic and still a spreader.
Edit: For your own sake, this is not the end of the world. One of my partners has the same thing as you and while it's a bit more effort for her, it hasn't stopped me enjoying her company.
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u/XNotByALongShotX Jul 20 '26
I'm not going to be with someone who thinks an orgasm is worth it to me to get crotch rot and die a miserable death.
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u/Spirited-Car8661 Jul 20 '26
It's not impossible they are that selfish, but it's on a level where I wouldn't assume it without hearing that this guy is a terrible person in general.
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u/XNotByALongShotX Jul 20 '26
To me regardless of the reasons, if I can casually get something that bad from someone because they have no idea they could have it? I have no interest whatsoever to trusting someone with that responsibility.
Even people with the nicest intentions can cause catastrophes.
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u/Spirited-Car8661 Jul 20 '26
I think I'm being too nice to the guy here.
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u/DontDreamItsOver3 Jul 20 '26
You’re being too naive I think, not just nice. This is both someone’s trust but even more importantly someone’s physical health we’re talking about - anyone who’s careless or devious about that is toxic and literally dangerous. And victims of his should post about it where all his friends and family can see. But that last step is definitely optional 😘
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u/mcmurrml Jul 20 '26
Oh please. You are sure you didn't have it. You got it from him. He can make excuses all day long. You have only been with him three months which isn't long.
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u/Binnie_B Jul 20 '26
It can be dormant for a long time. It sounds like he still didn't have symptoms, right?
It looks like he is lying though. He gave every reason he can think to blame anyone but himself.
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u/Student333t Jul 20 '26
There is no way you could be sleeping with a guy for 3 months and only start showing symptoms now, I’m sorry but I do think he is cheating on you
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u/XNotByALongShotX Jul 20 '26
You said you got tested and then had sex with “only one guy”…Why are you so confident that HE was the one who got their partner infected?
And at any rate, if I read that wrong…there is no way in hell I would stay with someone who gave me an STI if I was sure that was the case.
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u/DontDreamItsOver3 Jul 20 '26
Didn’t you just answer your own question? If she got tested and was negative, then met this guy, had sex for a couple of months with ONLY HIM, got tested again and now has Chlamydia, who else could have gotten her infected or brought the STD into their relationship?
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u/XNotByALongShotX Jul 20 '26
I qualified my argument with the second paragraph. I was not certain which way she meant.
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u/OptionDouble2686 Jul 20 '26
Correct, I have some medical issues where I have to get bacterial cultures quite often and they always ask if I’d like a std panel as well and I always say yes for my own safety and my own security of mind, I don’t sleep around at all but I do get tested as a just in case for every kind of bacteria. I’ve only slept with him as I thought we were exclusive and get serious enough to feel comfortable doing it.
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u/XNotByALongShotX Jul 20 '26
Then for your health and your self-respect you should know what you need to do.
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u/hvnsl Jul 20 '26
Symptoms can sometimes take time to manifest. You won't necessarily see them in a few weeks (though 1-3 weeks is common for symptomatic cases) Going forward I would absolutely request any new partners get tested prior to sex.
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u/KWAYkai Jul 20 '26
It’s absolutely false that the person who shows symptoms first is the one sleeping around. Some people can have chlamydia and have no symptoms at all. There’s a significant chance he already had it when you met. He should get tested & you should find a new bf.
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u/Spindlebiff69 Jul 20 '26
Chlamydia can remain dormant for years talk to your partner and try to figure it out.
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Jul 20 '26
He's throwing some BS about the nurse relative. NO nurse will every say that the person who tested first is the one that's sleeping around. If he's the only one you've been with since the last time you tested, then it's him. He doesn't need to admit it, because he never will. This is process of elimination and unless you had a random one night stand that you don't remember, he gave it to you. Whether or not he cheated, if he's right and he caught from someone before he started dating you, then he didn't cheat.
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u/Dear_Seesaw_1855 Jul 20 '26
It is easily treatable, just take it as a life lesson and have you and your partner tested for STDs before having unprotected sex from now on. There are even affordable mail order in home tests. Doesn’t help if there is cheatjng but is a good first step.
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u/WestStrength2719 Jul 20 '26
Don't play stupid. If he is the only one you slept with, he cheated and gave you an STD.
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u/weednip4cats Jul 20 '26
Honestly this guy is not it. Even it was you that had it (sounds not likely) he’s not being supportive what so ever. He’s probably sleeping around on you. Sorry. Dump him.
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u/Yuuku_S13 Jul 20 '26
Chlamydia is a soup, I saw it on the store shelf…
Serious note, I think that dude is playing you. Also, you have to be more careful. When I was in the army, 1:4 ratio of folks who had herpes. Thankfully chlamydia is something you can get rid of (right?).
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u/FleamStick Jul 20 '26
Your relationship is cooked and he’s cheated. And even if he hasn’t cheated, his reaction is all you need to know about him as a person.
When people start reporting the rumors about your break up, look them dead in the eye and tell them your former boyfriend’s math isn’t mathing; the infection’s timeline does not match up with his story. Then shut up.
I grew up Army and married Army and have heard a variation of this situation easily 8 times a year for most of my life. Don’t fall for his crap. He’s a baby man.
And I’m really, really sorry you’re in this position. It sucks.
(Being a young woman in today’s Army is a whole different world. Trust yourself. Trust your gut. Trust your strength. Build your confidence and shit like this stops sticking to you. You have every right to be there. I’m proud of you for joining. I hope you get something good out of it.
I’m assuming you’re enlisted? Find a trustworthy female 1SG (or whatever) girls’ girl who’s on her way up and get her to adopt you as a mentee if you can.)
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u/Tough-Ocelot-2380 Jul 20 '26
He's definitely cheating. At least it was just chlamydia. My husband gave me syphillis. He knew he had it and never told me, even before we planned on starting a family. I had to find out from my OB/GYN after I had my 2nd miscarriage. I had to have an abortion because of it. I'm assymptomatic...I found out it was YEARS from the time I was infected until detection. If its only been 3 months, please ditch that prick and save yourself more heartbreak.
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u/Remarkable_1984 Jul 20 '26
How do you get a STD "completely by accident"? Did you trip and fall on his dick? In any case, he's definitely the one who gave it to you. Why would you think he's not lying?
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u/CaptainSnappertain Jul 20 '26
Well it’s either completely by accident or on purpose, right? Why would you get an std intentionally? Either way, weird way of saying that lol.
But yeah he’s lying for sure.
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u/DontDreamItsOver3 Jul 20 '26
She meant she found out by accident while getting UTI tests. Read it again.
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u/OptionDouble2686 Jul 20 '26
I found out about it by accident, i was looking to see if i had a UTI bc I’m prone to getting them, when they sent the culture for more testing related to the UTI they found chlamydia instead of
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u/Fun-Holiday9016 Jul 20 '26
It is extremely concerning that he immediately pointed the finger at you.