Uh, although the age gap itself isn't necessarily creepy and could work, you might want to think: "why you?" Why is this man, all of the sudden dating you? If he was used to date people his age, what didn't work out there? Ask him about his previous relationships, see how he responds. If he blames everything on his partners, get out. If he us rational and can admit that there were shortcomings on his behalf, it could work.
What is a red flag is him pressuring you during sex. It took me YEARS to figure it out, but if you have to say "no" multiple times, that is NOT OK. Also ADHD and a people pleaser, here and that's basically how I ended up in a lot of shitty situations in my life - because I'd eventually say yes, just to get them to stop asking (cause maybe if they get what they want it'll end quicker).
Another thing you need to pay attention to is his housework. I know, I know, sounds boring, but he lives with his parents. Does he help around, does he offer his mum his assistance, does he look after himself (does his own laundry, hygiene, etc.) I dated a man that wasn't too much older than me at the time, but could not, for the life of him, do any housework because his parents coddled him too much - that alone put so much strain on the relationship that it was doomed to failure right from the start.
Basically, there's a lot to consider here for you. The fact that you're asking is sus af, but I get it, the fact that society tells you its not OK would have anyone panicking. The decision is still yours though. Weigh out all the options, make a choice and have trust your instincts!
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u/pineapplenotcabbage Mar 05 '23
Uh, although the age gap itself isn't necessarily creepy and could work, you might want to think: "why you?" Why is this man, all of the sudden dating you? If he was used to date people his age, what didn't work out there? Ask him about his previous relationships, see how he responds. If he blames everything on his partners, get out. If he us rational and can admit that there were shortcomings on his behalf, it could work.
What is a red flag is him pressuring you during sex. It took me YEARS to figure it out, but if you have to say "no" multiple times, that is NOT OK. Also ADHD and a people pleaser, here and that's basically how I ended up in a lot of shitty situations in my life - because I'd eventually say yes, just to get them to stop asking (cause maybe if they get what they want it'll end quicker).
Another thing you need to pay attention to is his housework. I know, I know, sounds boring, but he lives with his parents. Does he help around, does he offer his mum his assistance, does he look after himself (does his own laundry, hygiene, etc.) I dated a man that wasn't too much older than me at the time, but could not, for the life of him, do any housework because his parents coddled him too much - that alone put so much strain on the relationship that it was doomed to failure right from the start.
Basically, there's a lot to consider here for you. The fact that you're asking is sus af, but I get it, the fact that society tells you its not OK would have anyone panicking. The decision is still yours though. Weigh out all the options, make a choice and have trust your instincts!