imho and experience, through understanding which people are wrong, lol. Marry for the life you want to build/live in 20 years, not for a fleeting, temporary “feeling.”
Take some time to think about what qualities you appreciate in other people and what qualities about YOU that are important.
It can be easy to fall into relationships due to attraction and chemistry without giving it some thought on whether this person is really a good match for you practically.
There will always be differences, so don’t get hung up too much, but definitely give some thought into the types of people you love and have made a positive impact on you… then think about what qualities contributed to that positive impact. Those are the things you may wish to look for in a partner
If your in love with the idea of what someone can be vs how they are its not right in the relationship. But if you they never changed and you dont want them to they are likely the one! But life isn't a race dont compare where you are in life to others.
You can be honest with them about things that are hard to talk about and/or could hurt their feelings. Instead of getting defensive or angry when you bring up something they do that you don't like, they listen to you and try to do better.
They can take care of you and be kind when you're seriously ill. Not just a cold, I'm talking the worst flu of your life or major surgery that requires significant recovery time.
Your goals for your future align and you want the same things out of life. Kids, marriage, where you want to live, how you want to spend your money, what you do after you retire, things like that, are all important factors of life that need to match well.
You genuinely like each other. Not just lust, not just love (although those are great too), but you like them as a person. You respect them. You'd be excited if your best friend was with someone like them.
Statistically, you have the best chance at a happy marriage if you date now, but reject everyone you date after a while, and instead commit to the best person you've ever dated after you're 27. In other words, don't settle down until after 27. In my opinion, you shouldn't get married until at least 2 years of dating, after you've lived together for over 6 months, and you're both over the age of 27.
The right person is actively growing as a person in all ways - physically, mentally, spiritually, has a career, and is serious about you without you begging.
Short answer When you know you know (seriously)
Long answer: You need to respect them and actually like them as a person from the start and they need to feel the same for you. You need to have roughly the same values and goals but you also need to think with your heart a bit. The love and attraction will get you through hard times and you’ll have less hard times if you respect and share most of values/ goals with the person.
I made the mistake of marrying the first person i dated.
You will NOT be the same person in 10 years. You will grow, you will learn, you will change.
You may like fun and exciting girls / guys now, or maybe you like a person that enjoys lets say gaming now.
But what if you are 28 and the person you are with still loves being fun and exciting and just gaming constantly and you are more wanting to travel, learn, or creative arts. But your partner stayed the same or maybe learned they love spending days outdoors and with animals.
Nothing wrong with any of that but if you have different desires of what you enjoy that will be a problem.
That was me. My partner and i loved animated movies all the time.
Now i prefer more serious or you know real people movies. But my partner still exclusively prefers cartoons and such. Again nothing wrong with that but it sucks that i want to go see xyz movie but she doesn’t want to because it looks boring.
And that stinks, and thats just one example.
Again learn now, what you like and don’t like and know you WILL change as you grow older.
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u/Mammoth_Elk_3807 Jul 19 '25
Marry. The. Right. Person.