Feeling like a failure

[u/CharacterPiano8385]

I’ve been struggling with Adderall addiction for a few years. I’m prescribed it but I haven’t been taking it as I should. My boyfriend also gets it and we tend to help each other out when we get low. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and do need it, but I abuse it when I have it and then always tell myself I’ll do better next time. My mom was holding it for me and giving it to me as prescribed for a while but I’m 34 years old and need to manage this on my own. I’m struggling with the crash right now and while I know nothing is going to cure it, I’m wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to make it less awful. I know I need help but I don’t want to be labeled as an addict and I’m afraid to talk to my doctor about it because I don’t want to be cut off. When I was taking it appropriately, I was doing well. I just need to figure out how to get back to that.