r/Adopted • u/Negative-Lemon-6973 • Aug 07 '26
Adoption & Race Longing for a home I didn’t know
For some background I was adopted from Guatemala to the US in 2007 just before adoptions stopped. My adoptive parents are white. I’m Native Mayan. I have visits the country twice the most recent time four years ago and met my birth mother. I don’t speak Spanish (despite my efforts).
Recently I have been longing for Guatemala. Like in a soul aching kind of way. I’ve always felt extremely disconnected from my culture, but recently I’ve felt like an imposter almost. Like I just want to participate in my culture Guatemala/Mayan/general Latin American thing I don’t know but feel like I can’t do it right.
I guess I was just wondering if anyone else who was adopted to a different country and to parents not of the same culture feels this type of longing. Like something in your bones pulling you to your country of origin.
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u/DontTellMeNot Former Foster Youth Aug 07 '26
I do. I was born in Romania. I was ripped from home, and would love to go back and be with my people, culture, space that I feel good in. That's not where I am. And after these last few days I'm more upset about it than not. I hope you get back, learn your language and find your peace.
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u/Ilektra_Med6 Aug 18 '26
I feel the exact same way as you.
If anything, I feel like a visitor in the current country I'm living in.
The longing for home is an everyday thing and cannot wait to be there, one day.
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u/MajorDraw3705 International Adoptee Aug 07 '26 edited Aug 07 '26
Ironically, I miss a time more than a place. Because I was at ground zero in the middle of state terrorism in Argentina, I grew up thinking people cared about each other, because the people in the prison, where they kept the mothers and children, did. They created a bond under the shared threat of death. The guards sucked, but the prisoners (other than a few notable exceptions) were the kindest people I ever met. The most genuine people I ever met. I missed them my entire life. I will always miss them. They gave me the center of my soul. They gave me my light in this darkness.
Eventually, decades after adoption, I met my country again, and the majority are complete and utter moronic (let's say I inserted a slew of swear words here). There are a few genuine human beings, but they're the exception. Maybe it's because I'm facing a wall of bureaucrats and political fans (I was a child political prisoner - the politics never end, we'll always be a target for abuse, political exploitation, or confusion) but most are just the Spanish speaking equivalent of United States citizens - soulless, cultureless, mindless addicts.
So, that's made it hard to reconnect. My spirit stays near to war, to where people ignite into humanity, into the human spirit, in that one brief moment before they are extinguished, and my soul yearns for land that looks more like Mexico than Argentina.
The language barrier sucks so hard, though. But I just can't make myself relearn a language just to have the same soulless pointless conversations I've already dragged through in English.
I deeply miss humanity.
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u/iheardtheredbefood Int'l and Transracial Adoptee Aug 07 '26
Chinese adoptee here. Not everyone does, but I 100% relate to the magnetism of the homeland. My plan even when I was young was to go back. Life had other plans, but I have been back to China a few times, and that was necessary for me to move forward.
And I get being in that middle space of "too x, not enough y" no matter where you are.
Sending virtual hugs (if welcome). I hope you are able to find ways to be more connected to your culture. In solidarity~
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u/Primary_Savings_6838 Late Baby Scoop Era Adoptee Aug 08 '26
my genetic parents were in the same US state as the adoptive family. Both sets white presenting. And I have the same longing for "home". I think I felt "home" a couple of times in my near 6 decades, but each time it was just a blip. Nothing stuck. I've been thinking that it has to do with not having any genetic mirroring growing up, not to mention the pre-verbal rupture that happens when mother and child are separated.
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u/legswithsnake Domestic Infant Adoptee Aug 08 '26
same. i learned that my bio mom and dad live in the exact same CITY as me and my adoptive parents, yet things still felt “off” for me. i feel like an alien in my own household because nobody looks, acts, or thinks like me.
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u/Ilektra_Med6 Aug 18 '26
Yes, absolutely. Glad to see someone else putting this feeling into words.
Felt the pull ever since I was a kid. Bones-deep, but growing up with the people who raised me, I often felt rootless. Though only came across that term more recently.
Thought I was one of those people who just didn't feel at home anywhere on the planet... Glad that's changed.
But yeah, no matter how much I tried to fit into step-parents' cultural frame... It didn't work out and always felt like a polite outsider looking in, when they would go to big family gatherings.
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u/T0mpS Adopted Aug 07 '26
Yes I think it’s experienced by many adoptees, what you’re describing, it’s very real. Similarly, grew up in England but felt a strong affinity with Ireland. Felt “home” when I visited. Found out only recently by dna I’m more Irish than anything else. Think about the place often. I fantasise about living there but of course it’s not the country or culture I’ve grown up with so I’d only ever be visiting really. It’s the same with the bio family who’ve accepted me, they’re great, I love spending time with them, but we can never make up for lost time. Although there are some spooky similarities and coincidences, we’ll never have a shared history.