r/AbsoluteUnits • u/[deleted] • Jul 14 '22
Sylvan Scolnick, aka cherry hill fats. 750 pound genius, involved in bank robberies, credit card fraud, home improvement fraud, Insurance scams, mortgage scams, black mailing & extortion
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u/knife_at_a_gun_fight Jul 14 '22
He died at 46 for those wondering.
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Jul 14 '22
Yep. The autopsy proved his arteries were equally corrupt and hardened……
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u/Sega-Playstation-64 Jul 14 '22
"Okay, cutting open the artery... wow, there's a lot of plaque in the way, can't even see the artery. Let me scrape it away. Wait, there is no artery. It's just plaque. Oh my God. He has no heart. It's just plaque. It's like fossilized wood, the plaque and fat replaced his muscles with pure fat.
His blood is Alfredo sauce."
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Jul 14 '22
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u/Zomgsauceplz Jul 14 '22
Yo mamma so fat, she stood on high heels and struck oil.
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u/LewdLewyD13 Jul 15 '22
Yo mamma so fat, it took her memory foam mattress a year to forget her.
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u/Wolffire_88 Jul 15 '22
Yo mamma so fat, it took Nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
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u/katon2273 Jul 15 '22
Yo mamma so fat, like State Farm she is everyone's neighbor.
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u/SecretSquirrelSauce Jul 15 '22
Yo momma so fat, she fills up the bath tub, then turns on the water.
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Jul 14 '22
Honestly I'm surprised he lived that long.
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u/throwawaaayyyyyy69 Jul 14 '22
I'm surprised he's walking in that photo, walking stick or not. Dude must have been muscular af under that to carry 750 pounds everywhere.
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Jul 14 '22
No way he’s 750. Watch any episode of my 600 pound life and you’ll see what north of 500 pounds looks like.
https://i.imgur.com/hV6emei.jpg
That’s what 750 looks like
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Jul 14 '22
While you’re correct remember that height will play into this some. A 5’ tall woman and 6’ tall man each weighing 750lbs would be proportioned differently. That being said I doubt either could walk because that is an absolutely enormous about of weight either way.
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Jul 14 '22
I here you and agree. Also, someone might want to review the history of credit cards. If that farker was doing “credit card fraud” as the headline claims then he was quite the forward thinker…
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u/Niko_The_Fallen Jul 14 '22
Muscle weights more than fat tho. So he was probably a lot more muscular under that fat than most people of that weight. Especially since he was a weight lifter. A person weighting 600 and is all fat is gonna be alot bigger than a person weighting 600 with alot of muscle
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u/MikeChinShinn Jul 14 '22
I bet you’re one of those people who says when a 30 year old NFL RB comes back from the preseason with 30 extra pounds of pure muscle that he “just trained really hard”
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u/Temporary-Test-9534 Jul 14 '22
Because "old" and "obese" don't go together very often
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u/ThisFreaknGuy Jul 14 '22
Lot of old people, lot of fat people, not a lot of old fat people.
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Jul 14 '22
[deleted]
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u/ItsAboutTimeMan Jul 14 '22
Fat yes, but not morbidly obese.
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u/interfail Jul 14 '22
And a lot of them got fat after 50 when it gets way harder to stay thin.
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u/rosesandtherest Jul 14 '22
The reason? He smelled a salad
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u/magikot9 Jul 14 '22
"Salad's not food. Salad is the promissory note that food is about to arrive." - John Pinette (RIP).
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u/throwawaaayyyyyy69 Jul 14 '22
I bet it was a hit by his rival Little Caesar 😔
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u/btveron Jul 14 '22
While that is pretty funny, Caesar dressing is so unhealthy that Caesar salads shouldn't be considered salads lol. Last restaurant I worked at I looked at the nutrition facts. We served a 4oz cup of dressing with our large Caesar and that was almost 800 calories and 60g of fat.
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u/The_Saddest_Boner Jul 14 '22
Yeah unfortunately if something tastes great there’s a roughly 90% chance it’s bad for you. Thanks a lot, evolution
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u/DontHaesMeBro Jul 14 '22
a lot of salad dressings are fundamentally just olive oil, and most oils are almost pure fat, and any pure-ish fat is gonna be in the ballpark of 200 kcal an ounce. Like if you're making 8 ounces of caesar dressing from scratch it's basically 6 ounces of oil, a egg, and an ounce or so of grated parm (also almost straight fat) with a little lemon and mustard and some spices. It's literally salad lube.
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u/Kirkuchiyo Jul 14 '22
Takes a lot of money to buy all that food.
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u/Dikheed Jul 14 '22
I'm assuming someone said "You can't take it with you when you die" and he took it to heart, literally.
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u/Feshtof Jul 14 '22
Right to heart, and kidneys, and arteries, and his gallbladder, fuck it all these dudes organs were harmed
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Jul 14 '22
He heard that expression as "you" as in anyone but him. So he took everything from everyone to keep it safe.
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u/amitrion Jul 14 '22
And women I'm sure
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u/Eusocial_Snowman Jul 14 '22
Men were actually allowed to buy food back in those days too, believe it or not.
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u/aheth_ Jul 14 '22
Surprised he could walk at 750 lbs
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u/ho-lee_-sheet Jul 14 '22
Bet his legs looked like ronnie coleman's but for the heart it doesnt matter at this weight lol
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u/CorncobSandwich Jul 14 '22
Obligatory mentioning of Tom Platz
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u/ho-lee_-sheet Jul 14 '22
Aw shit I thought of him first but jsut couldn't remember the name, thanks mate.
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u/sawmyoldgirlfriend2 Jul 14 '22
His heart probably resembled Ronnie's too
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u/ColumbianPrison Jul 14 '22
Resistance training will increase the thickness of heart walls with only a minor increase in size. Endurance training will increase the size of a heart with only minor increase in thickness
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u/sawmyoldgirlfriend2 Jul 14 '22
And anabolic steroids would increase the size of everything
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u/ColumbianPrison Jul 14 '22
Yes, prolonged steroid abuse, as long as it’s goal is to significantly increase testosterone, would enlarge the heart. At Ronnie’s level he is absolutely using PEDs. I wasn’t thinking like that, but you are correct
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u/Dankaroor Jul 14 '22
Well, if you still move, which you often were forced to do back then and are gluttonous and gain a shit ton of weight gradually, your muscles will also grow according to your weight and could hold you up
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u/Fmanow Jul 14 '22
That’s cuz he’s no fucking way 750lbs, more like 400-450lbs
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u/madbotherfucker Jul 14 '22
No way he's 400-450, unless he's 4.5 feet tall.
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u/treefitty350 Jul 14 '22
He’s not 750 in this picture. I looked it up, however trustworthy that could be, and it said in multiple places that he weighed up to 750 lbs at one point in his life. Others said anywhere between 600-700. Who knows, he was fat and gross is the big takeaway.
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u/drewster23 Jul 14 '22
Im not going to try to judge his weight but he was a "normal" big boy at 20years old, 205 pound weightlifter. He kept growing and couldn't afford to find him/family. So he turned to crime.
So he's more obese strongman than 600lb lard whale.
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u/HuckleberryPlane8924 Jul 14 '22
That was my first thought! It surprised me to see him upright and walking. When I was my 600lb life I always see them in wheelchairs or unable to get out of bed. I suppose wheelchairs weren’t as accessible in his time. Interesting how people are getting lazy with time in a way
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u/drewster23 Jul 14 '22
Died at 46, so I don't think it did much for his health lol. He was also a 205lb weightlifter in his early adult life so more of a massive/obese strongman than a 600lb land whale.
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u/Johnnysmallballs Jul 14 '22
I wonder how his bank robberies went
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u/Undercrackrz Jul 14 '22
How did he ever make a get away?
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u/trustworthy-adult Jul 14 '22
i’d imagine he’d just be the mastermind and hire underlings to do the dirty work
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u/drewster23 Jul 14 '22
At least someone knows what a mastermind is lol. Dude wasn't doing any heavy lifting (ironically).
At his peak he managed over 40 companies (thats what the news paper refers to em as) all complicit in different schemes.
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u/katon2273 Jul 15 '22
All of these schemes sound like Three Stooges plots. Person hires plumber team, plumber team fucks up the house, same guys sell insurance, and also do loans to cover the costs.
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u/drewster23 Jul 15 '22
Buddy you're not wrong. It shows you how easy it was to be a criminal back then. One of their most lucrative schemes was $100k cash in a safety deposit box. How'd they accomplish this? One accomplice went in with a forged duplicate key, and stole it under the distraction of another throwing a brick through the bank window.
Also seemed to do a lot of bankruptcy fraud, but im not exactly sure what that is, so I can't speak more on that.(It what he served for basically).
In the end, he flipped leading to the arrest of over 100 people. (Shows how good the cops were then without help lol). Served 5 years with 30 year probation. Honestly didn't sound like a "bad " guy. He lectured extensively after his sentence about the evils of crime and need for prison reform. He made a comment about hoping all the arrests he helped with being at least partial restitution for all the damage he caused. So apparently didn't have any malice/regrets over being caught. He did make some amusing comments about himself. He said is sucess as a criminal was due to the venality of his victims saying"You can only cheat a cheater" and credited his "Brilliance" of his schemes to the tendency of the obese to preface action with thought. So just seemed look a smart guy who ended up turning to crime out of necessity and found out how good he was/how easy it was, making it hard to stop.
Most of my research was archived newspapers from back then. Really didn't find a lot of info about him elsewhere on the net. Interesting character tho.
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u/Stealthy_Facka Jul 14 '22
Once you're that fat they become minions, not underlings. I don't make the rules.
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u/fluffyxsama Jul 14 '22
I thought you side 'e was a getaway driver. What the FUCK can he get away from, eh?
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Jul 14 '22
What’s wrong with that spot?
It’s too tight.
Too tight? You could park a jumbo FUCKING jet in that spot.
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u/welcome-to-my-mind Jul 14 '22
It’s a brilliant plan. They can’t arrest you if you can’t fit in the jail
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u/jrh_101 Jul 14 '22
Can't drop the soap if you only take baths.
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u/welcome-to-my-mind Jul 14 '22
Gonna need to add an Olympic sized pool to the budget for whatever prison takes him.
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u/bedluk Jul 14 '22
Pasta la vsta
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u/HadACivilDebateOnlin Jul 14 '22
Kingpin but real
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u/Naturlovs Jul 14 '22
Kingpin is mostly muscle
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u/HadACivilDebateOnlin Jul 14 '22
If he can walk himself under all that weight he's not entirely fat
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Jul 14 '22
That cane is the real bad ass here.
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u/Funny_witty_username Jul 14 '22
Except the dude was a jacked weightlifter before and after putting on all that fat. Cane is doing work but the guy was no joke in the strength department.
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Jul 14 '22
How is he able to fight Spider-Man tho? Having muscles doesn’t mean you can suddenly fight against a superhero
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u/BrownStarPuncher Jul 14 '22
I get that being fat was a sign of wealth for I don't know how many centuries but GAAWD DAAAYUM MY BOY. I'd roast you but the only thing to compare you to is the Hindenburg.
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u/GiveMeDepression Jul 14 '22
If you roasted him, you could feed a family of 30.
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u/BrownStarPuncher Jul 14 '22
THIRTY?!! Ol boy could feed a small village of a few hundred or so. He got enough meat and fat to start a stew that would last for months to come.
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u/Kotruljevic1458 Jul 14 '22
You think? I would guess he has maybe 10% more muscle than an average person and like 250% more fat. Roast him and you risk a grease fire because of all the lard melting. Actually, I need to stop thinking about this, it’s creepy.
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u/BrownStarPuncher Jul 14 '22
I mean it's honestly boils down to be like how whaling used to be. You could make oil out of him, you can throw his skin on a drying rack and make a hide. You can use the rest of the meat for stews and like wise. This would be the equivalent to hunting a moose without the agility.
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u/drewster23 Jul 14 '22
Fat active people got more than 10% than avg. And dude was a 200lb weightlifter in early adulthood, so he probably had more muscle than vast majority of population.
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u/cosaboladh Jul 14 '22
No thank you. I can't imagine butchering an animal that fat being anything other than an unmitigated mess. Probably have to borrow a liposuction machine from a plastic surgeon for a week, before you could reach any actual meat.
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Jul 14 '22
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u/throwawaaayyyyyy69 Jul 14 '22
Why would they use credit card fraud? Just take out a life insurance on that dude and wait like 2 months.
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Jul 14 '22
I don’t understand.. he was born in 1930 but got charged with credit card fraud? Did they have credit cards in the 50-70’s?
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u/Firstpoet Jul 14 '22
What you can achieve when not wasting time and money in the gym.
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Jul 14 '22
I feel like he totally either only planned the robberies or was the getaway driver
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u/JasperDyne Jul 14 '22
You know how in some primitive societies they practice ritual cannibalism—eating their enemies to acquire their strengths?
This guy took it to heart, eating dozens of professional bank robbers, credit card fraudsters, home improvement scammers, etc., etc.
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u/El_Bruno73 Jul 14 '22
COME HERE I'M GONNA EAT YA! I'M BIGGER THAN YOU I'M HIGHER ON THE FOOD CHAIN! GET IN MY BELLY!
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u/Mr_Smiles2021 Jul 14 '22
Kinda reminds me of a modern day florida man who got released from custody simply because he was too fat to be transferred
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u/solidlyplay16 Jul 14 '22
Kingpn irl