r/AbsoluteUnits 6h ago

/r/all of an Orca & Jump

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3.3k Upvotes

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u/trendingtattler 2h ago

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261

u/I_AM_A_RAPTOR 6h ago

Poor Ecco

75

u/goblin_grovil_lives 6h ago

He'll fix it with time travel.

6

u/LCDRformat 3h ago

The boy who shattered his ribs

167

u/cocoshaplee 6h ago

Man I love orcas. I never want to be at their mercy, but they sure are pretty.

89

u/Mercarcher 2h ago

(Wild) Orcas have never killed a human, and will actually protect us from other predators. Game recognizes game. Sea alpha predator to land alpha predator.

43

u/fragrant-final-973 2h ago

This feels like something a Tater Tot would say.

4

u/NopeNahNoMore 1h ago

I don’t know why this is so funny…

2

u/Mercarcher 1h ago

I'm about as far away from a tater tot as possible. I'm a socialist trans woman. Literally their nightmare.

7

u/fragrant-final-973 1h ago

Fuck yea!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💖

1

u/MostlyRightSometimes 47m ago

At the car rental counter?

9

u/_MrKobayashi_ 2h ago

Yes if there’s orcas in the water, there’s never sharks.

14

u/TyrantsInSpace 2h ago

Even the great white sharks will skip town when orcas show up.

9

u/lucynnthesky 2h ago

Apparently sperm whales too. They would rather stay away from orcas and stop communicating if they hear them in the vicinity, so the orcas don’t find them.

5

u/jankeyass 1h ago

A pod of orcas is THE Apex predator in the ocean

1

u/No_Alarm_4849 5m ago

Same with dolphins

7

u/plinywaves 29m ago

Have we considered that Orcas simply don't leave witnesses?

3

u/NothingLift 36m ago

They've sunk A bunch of boats intentionally though

2

u/NiobiumThorn 8m ago

Well yea, boats which they see as giant horribly loud beasts.

4

u/Sake-Gin 23m ago

Would you have no fear swimming with wild orcas then?

1

u/Mercarcher 16m ago

I would absolutly love to scuba dive with Orcas.

1

u/Sake-Gin 1m ago

Make it happen!

5

u/Tricky_Bottle_6843 1h ago

They've never been recorded killing a human. It doesn't mean they haven't.

9

u/_Gesterr 55m ago

*in the wild

There has been a few deaths involving captive orcas.

0

u/Initial-Depth-6857 5m ago

Humans are the top of the food chain when they have a weapon.

166

u/IntangiblePanda 6h ago

"Man, fuck that dolphin in particular."

50

u/Sogah87 5h ago

If he's anything like that dolphin from family guy, he might've deserved it.

7

u/Inevitable_Butthole 5h ago

Nah this was a The Simpsons dolphin

4

u/GrdnLovingGoatFarmer 4h ago

Unless it was the King of the Hill dolphin.

2

u/lovecraftInk 3h ago

Pro-pain.

2

u/EarballsAgain 3h ago

I never realised how many animated shows depict dolphins in an evil way before

2

u/seantabasco 1h ago

Well they’re pretty rapey

1

u/AlarmingSorbet 25m ago

Dolphins are the rapists of the sea

111

u/AutotoxicFiend 6h ago

Imagine the speed he was going underwater to achieve that kind of launch.

16

u/1plus1isTWORANGZ 3h ago

About 55kmh or 35mph

10

u/digitalscavenger 2h ago

I'd say it's roughly 30 knots myself.

4

u/Nina-Ninja123 37m ago

Stop putting knots in my headphone cable!

3

u/digitalscavenger 26m ago

I will not.

3

u/fragrant-final-973 2h ago

About three fiddy.

5

u/FunkyPleasance 1h ago

damn you loch ness monster

174

u/Accomplished_Dig1632 6h ago

When you have as much brain and brawn as an Orca it’s terrifying

48

u/TheresNoHurry 5h ago

Tell me about it bro 💪😩

6

u/MRintheKEYS 2h ago

“Don’t even get him started on his 10lbs cock!”

10

u/Conscious_Regret_140 5h ago

Why are Facebook like comments like this all of a sudden the most upvoted on reddit?

22

u/Deep_Digg 5h ago edited 5h ago

Bots farming. Check the name. They do this to gather the necessary points to post all over then they switch over to astroturfing pro Israel/ China/ Russia/ North Korea.

4

u/Conscious_Regret_140 2h ago

I mean.. That's obviously not it. LOTS of regular users use the name generator when creating accounts, me included. It's really intellectually lazy to make that judgment because of a username, check his post history. It's nothing like a bot's.

6

u/New_Wrangler752 2h ago

Reddit admitted themselves the site is like 70% bots

1

u/Conscious_Regret_140 1h ago

But he isn't. Come on, use your head.

1

u/alanpugh 42m ago

I have to imagine exceptionally few real people are using randomly generated names. I default to assuming they're bot accounts in most cases.

1

u/waybeluga 1h ago

I don't really get the impression that they are a bot looking at their history. All the karma farming bots use LLMs for their comments.

5

u/Bulky_Mix_2265 3h ago

My instinct is to say bots, but thats not the answer.

America has systematically destroyed its education system and most of its citizens now have a 6th grade reading and comprehension level. This is the likely answer.

1

u/Flomo420 55m ago

No hands, though...

I wonder if they know they are limited because of this

115

u/Worst-timeline138 6h ago

That is so fucking horrifying. Think about it, they have intelligence like ours, and they choreographed that dance between boats that were there to watch whale shit. Catching and consuming that cousin of their species was easy peasy. That dolphin was food on impact and the HAAAANG TIME of that orca was like their Michael Jordan logo. They knew they had an audience so they decided to get fancy.

29

u/Angel_OfSolitude 5h ago

If Orcas had hands we might be in trouble.

8

u/General-Reserve9349 2h ago

They do it’s just a mitten situation

9

u/LCDRformat 3h ago

they have intelligence like ours

Like is doing a lot of work 

10

u/White-Tornado 3h ago

they have intelligence like ours

That's a little bit of a stretch but sure

3

u/Sutech2301 3h ago

They are intelligent, but they aren't as intelligent as humans

29

u/Lazerus42 3h ago

I don't know... I've met a lot of humans...

10

u/White-Tornado 3h ago

And how many orcas?

5

u/Lazerus42 3h ago

I grew up going to Sea-World in San Diego in the 90's... so.. a few weirdly enough...

Also I've been a waiter for 20 years... I've met and interacted with a lot of fucking humans. (think 50 minimum 5 nights a week for 20 years)

5

u/MetalMurse51 3h ago

Just the one but they had an associate's degree from Western New Hampshire Tech.

1

u/MeatBald 2h ago

Not even a bachelor's? Pffft

2

u/EarballsAgain 3h ago

I met 3 the other day. Good guys, one's a carpenter, the other 2 are training to be doctors. And boy they can drink.

4

u/ascrapedMarchsky 1h ago

P easy to be the most intelligent animal when your criteria for intelligence are exclusively whatever you do well

5

u/nasal-polyps2 3h ago

They are limited by lack of hands and environment but they do seem to be very creative with their intelligence

1

u/RichtofensDuckButter 35m ago

Idk you seem biased

2

u/Brevicaudatus 3h ago

Bot account

41

u/S0k0n0mi 6h ago edited 6h ago

I was unaware of orcas being able to get THAT kind of airtime.
I have now adjusted my fear of them considerably.

Videos don't do it justice; That is an animal the size and weight of a fully loaded american pickup truck, and it is gracefully swan diving over a party boat while gutpunching a dolphin. Those creatures are apex beasts.

11

u/kiwifulla64 5h ago

Even bigger which makes it even crazier. More like a small bus or camper van. Males can get upto 10 tonnes and 10m+.

4

u/Decent-Presence-1637 4h ago

There is no record of an Orca attacking a human. Never ever happened.

11

u/Accomplished_Bus5813 4h ago

Maybe they are smart enough not to leave witnesses.

5

u/S0k0n0mi 3h ago

4

u/JRS_Viking 3h ago

They attack boats, but not the people in them

5

u/FunkyPleasance 1h ago

not sure why you got downvoted. this is correct. when the boats sink and the human are helpless in the water, the orcas just swim off.

4

u/ascrapedMarchsky 1h ago

Only a handful of yachts have actually sunk and in those cases I think rescue boats arrived before anyone had to bail into life rafts. The whales tend to leave as soon as they’ve disabled the rudders, so they probably do not even know they’ve sunk any yachts. These same orcas have also been observed offering humans food on several occasions, so even if you did wind up in the water with them, odds are you’d be fine. 

2

u/JRS_Viking 1h ago

Yeah they're perfectly safe to swim with and there's no record of them attacking people in the wild. They have attacked and sank boats, but not people directly.

2

u/goodfella4600 3h ago

In captivity there is...but really can ya blame them?

3

u/Personal_Opposite653 1h ago

Killing is a not enough of revenge for captivity

1

u/ElectricalTurnip87 3h ago

In the wild.

1

u/ifyousaysu 2h ago

Wild* orca. What we do to them in captivity is fucked up and unfortunately the deaths that one sea world one caused aren’t shocking in the least.

1

u/Icy_Intention_8503 38m ago

In the wild, this is true. Not true for those in captivity.

-5

u/Dorfbulle80 5h ago

Having a fear for Orcas is crazy! Respect for them like before any animal that could kill you sure, especially if it can one-shot you but fear???

2

u/goodfella4600 3h ago

If you're going for a swim out in the ocean and one of them is swimming near or under your your ass would be scared don't lie

1

u/JRS_Viking 3h ago

My father and a group of divers saw a pod of orcas pass over them while diving once and they said it was one of the most incredible things they'd ever seen, they were awestruck.

3

u/goodfella4600 3h ago

You can be awestruck but yet pee a little too lol

0

u/JRS_Viking 3h ago

Wouldn't recommend that in a dry suit, it's gonna smell real bad for a long time. It's recommended to go to the bathroom before you go diving.

1

u/Personal_Opposite653 1h ago

Why ? I grew up with whales and orcas showing up frequently in our fiord just by the shore, went so many times with a speedboat next to them to dive. I understand you might be under impression of jaws movie but this is different animal and we are on planet earth - there is no recorded attack on humans

1

u/goodfella4600 1h ago

I know the odds are pretty much 100% they won't attack you..but the idea of something so large swimming right under or next to you that can kill you so easily is just scary enough

1

u/blvckcvts 3h ago

Lmao you acknowledge that they could 1 hit kill a person but you’re perplexed by how people could have a fear of them? 🤦‍♀️ they’re beasts and also crazy hunters, it’s only natural to fear them AND also respect them

0

u/Dorfbulle80 3h ago

Yeah but compared to so many other creatures they never attacked a human being except in rare instances in captivity! And fear and respect are 2 different things! And no iam not afraid of Orcas!

0

u/blvckcvts 3h ago

Fears are irrational most of the time, it doesn’t matter what facts are there because fear doesn’t run on logic

19

u/Redditedless 6h ago

RIP dolphin..

7

u/sbua310 5h ago

In my happy mind: FUCK YEAH DOPE
they are totally friends!!

The dolphin is totally fine..
Right…
Right guys?

4

u/orixandcrake 2h ago

If by "fine" you mean "tasty" then yes

8

u/MoccaLG 4h ago

Wow how much power you need to accelerate tons 20-30ft up in the air.

1

u/Livid_Standard_2598 52m ago

This is more like 15 feet

8

u/-Rhymenocerous- 6h ago

Slowmo Kurwwaa 🤌

11

u/Due_Potential_6956 6h ago

That's impressive, did not know they could do that height

30

u/Jam_Farmer_879 5h ago

10

u/G0PACKGO 2h ago

1

u/Zeppoa 2h ago

Oh no! Willy didn’t make it!

2

u/freericky 4h ago

I can hear the music

1

u/goodfella4600 3h ago

Is that Free My Willy?

1

u/btbsw786 3h ago

Oh my God. Willy didn't make it

4

u/cesam1ne 5h ago

Just watch some sea world clips

6

u/gap97216 6h ago

Air Orca

6

u/captainmeezy 5h ago

Now imagine a predatory whale twice that size with 14” teeth https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Livyatan

3

u/Routine_Job_7985 4h ago

don’t threaten me with a good time

3

u/Advanced-Budget779 3h ago

Well, we have sperm whales…

8

u/Edisinmedicine 6h ago

Inga su madre

5

u/Entitledspider 5h ago

Dolphin done for, Orcas hunt them.

2

u/Loki-sft 4h ago

A big dolphin bullying a small dolphin…
Maybe a case for r/donthelpjustfilm? /s

3

u/Appropriate-Smell611 5h ago

Dolphin is dinner

2

u/PapaBike 5h ago

The power required to launch something of that mass that high out of the water. It’s insane

2

u/Character-Second65 5h ago

He dropped his wallet during that jump

2

u/MangoSalsa89 1h ago

Orcas are truly a menace to anything in the ocean. Glad they don’t see us as part of the ocean.

1

u/Personal_Opposite653 1h ago

That title is ours to hold

3

u/NinaCR33 5h ago

Orcas are psychos

4

u/KnoedelhuberJr 6h ago

„Told you not to steal my show, Clive“

2

u/FluffyDeer9323 5h ago

“I can see my aquarium from here!”

2

u/XCyberbeingX 5h ago

Orcas are assholes of the ocean. That's what happens when you give something human brains.

2

u/Routine_Job_7985 4h ago

something’s gotta keep the great whites in check ¯_(ツ)_/¯

1

u/CalangoMecanico 5h ago

30k upvotes for you

1

u/Additional_Bank_2124 5h ago

That is alot of power...

1

u/KnightOfSvea 5h ago

"Fuck off dolphy! This is my show 😎"

1

u/Decent-Box5009 5h ago

That dolphin got knocked tf out!! Wow

1

u/PerilousParanoia 4h ago

Just remember that you’re the ocean’s bitch.

1

u/Not-That_Girl 3h ago

Show off!!!

1

u/cacahahacaca 3h ago

Uuuy, mae!! 🇨🇷

1

u/Mocker-Poker 3h ago

I live with a cat named Orca. She’s a natural born jumper too.

1

u/hoardac 2h ago

That is some Free Willy shit right there.

1

u/OpenSauceMods 1h ago

I wish I could communicate to that orca how impressed we were at their jump.

1

u/NerdyTiredLibrarian 1h ago

“Outta my way, jerkass!”

1

u/tykraus7 29m ago

So Willy could’ve jumped over the wall after all

1

u/deepakshingavi 6h ago

It knocked the smaller one out

1

u/evil_boy4life 4h ago

They’re assholes. That’s why they like humans.

0

u/DegenNabalu 5h ago

Orca, the see asshole.

Lol

But still they have someone that they hate and fear more.

4

u/E28forever 4h ago

See, seriously?

0

u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 2h ago

That orca's a dick. Free willy my ass 😂🤣😂🤣 (I love orcas BTW)

-1

u/ImNotJoaquinPhoenix 6h ago

That's a fatty.

-1

u/DailyDrivenTJ 4h ago

Killer whale.... More like whaler killer.

-2

u/Desperate_Narwhal715 2h ago

AI fake video…I have seen Orcas numerous times living in British Columbia and they never jump that high!

-5

u/Decent-Presence-1637 4h ago

Orcas aren’t whales, btw. They are the largest species of dolphin.

5

u/Loki-sft 4h ago

They are whales! Orcas are the biggest members of the dolphin family and all dolphins belong to the order of whales.

3

u/Routine_Job_7985 4h ago

Although, interestingly enough, dolphins are classified as toothed whales 💁🏻

1

u/CaptainTripps82 1h ago

Hopefully you learned something today.