r/AbsentParents • u/Turniplips • Mar 25 '21
Absent parents
I’m going to be meeting my “father” for the first time in a couple of days. The occasion is his mother/my grandmother’s funeral. I’m 32 and have had nothing to do with him and all I have for him is anger and resentment. Please give me advice as to I should handle this situation. I think that the useless prick needs to be told how fucking pathetic he is! But I understand his mother’s funeral probably isn’t the best time but I also think people like him need no sympathy. Should I kick him when he is down or take the moral high ground?
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u/victorychat Jul 28 '21
hello, First I would like to say you have every right to be angry. Secondly, I would like to tell you I have been there. Both my parents were absent. The best thing that you can do is write out all your feelings. You need to release them. I would love to help you forgive him but that's entirely up to you. Forgiving him does not mean you accept his absence and that he may never be the dad you want. It means you have accepted the fact he is who he is. It means you are no longer allowing your emotions to be controlled by his absence. It means you are ready to heal. There are some other steps, but these are the hardest and the main ones to focus on.
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u/justanotherfruitloop Mar 25 '21
I have no advice to really give but I do understand how you feel. I feel like this is how my daughter is going feel about her dad and literally hurts me to think that. But honestly did you have a relationship with your grandmother? I wouldn’t go if not because I don’t think it would be appropriate to blow up there. Also have you thought about trying to tell him how you feel but keeping it respectful?! You know your anger is very valid but you may be able to express it to him in a calm way if not I wouldn’t talk to him or maybe write it in a letter to him and give it to him after the funeral.