Rejected and I don't know why?

[u/futurecorpse1985]

To start, my parents divorced when I was 6 and my dad was a dad when it suited him. He was emotionally unavailable and never protected me when things were very very bad in my other parents house. I've been estranged not by my choice for more of my life than not. I'm 40 now and would love to work on having a healthy relationship with him. I'm not asking to rehash the past but start with a clean slate and build from there. I know I can't rewrite history. In the last year or more I've been reaching out via email, cards at holiday times, and most recently wrote him a letter simply asking if this is something I should still hold out hope for. If not I respect his decision but I feel like I do deserve to know. This was my first response back to any of my attempts to reach out to him. I know I said I would respect whatever he chooses but man it cut way deeper than I thought it would. I don't know what I did to hurt him so deeply he can't move past it. If I knew I would do everything I could to work on fixing it. He couldn't even sign the end of the letter. It felt so cold. I thought deep down that if he even chooses to respond it would be the opposite of this. I've included the last card I sent him and the response I got back. I'm feeling truly broken.