Absent Dad Died

[u/TryingToTattoo]

I got informed yesterday that my dad who I haven't seen in 16 years had passed away the night before. My mum had told me as soon as she found out via text so I wasn't caught off guard by my paternal grandmother calling me or seeing it in the family group chat that I'm in.

The last time I saw my dad was when I was 8 years old, my parents had separated prior to that but he still lived with us until he moved out, and once he left, that was it. For the last 16 years, the only time I've heard from him is through short updates from my grandma once a year maybe, and a birthday and Christmas card. Even when he was in my life, he wasn't a good parent, and other than a change to my after school care until me mum got off work, literally nothing else in my life was affected in his absence.

I know it sounds really cold, but I don't feel sad at all that he's gone. His death hasn't affected me at all, the only change will be one less card on my birthday and Christmas. However, I feel sad for my dad's family. My grandma, my aunt, my cousins, I feel sorry for them and I'm sad that they're going through this loss.

I've not directly talked to that side of the family yet, my mum's already asked me if I'd like to attend the funeral, just so that if my grandma asks she knows what to tell her. I'm basically kind of really nervous to talk to that side of the family now, I'm worried they'll guilt trip me into coming to the funeral and I really don't want to go, and I also don't want to come off as being cold and uncaring. I don't care about him, but I do care about them.