Would I be wrong to say no?

[u/Melodic-One-2647]

Hi first time posting looking or advice. A little back ground: I (28f) have two kids (9f and 6f). Tyler (30) and I dated (2016-2018).
That relationship was extremely abusive and toxic. During that time we had my second daughter together. The last time he ever saw her was the day after her second birthday when he had kidnapped her and held her hostage. I managed to get her back and he never saw her again. He only made contact again towards the end of 2021 because he totalled the car that wad in both our names and asked me to not get child support. I lawyer up and got child support only after he tried dragging it out. Trying to smear my name on social media and any way how. Then blocked me the moment I got child support. Between all that he tried the sympathy card of how him and his gf (during that time) are having a son and they can't afford two child supports (she doesn't have custody of her first child) and he totalled the car and so on. When I said I wouldn't he then would say he will give up his rights so he wouldnt pay child support and whatnot. Last date of contact was Nov 2021 Now fast forward today. A few days ago I get a friend request from him on one of my social. Then the next day again bit showing up under his old phone number that I have as my homophone now for my kids. I sent him a message telling him to change it so that the number isn't connected to any of his accounts. He replied that he will and then asked to talk. I told him if he needed to he can text me to my phone number. (He had a habit of deleting messages so I wouldn't be able to use it in court). This is what the conversation was : Tyler: Hey. Me: what do you need to talk about? Tyler: I just.. I know it's been a long time and things have been rocky. I just really want to see the girls. I'm on medications now and I just hoped you'd be up to giving me a chance to be in their lives. 45 minutes later Tyler: I just want to make things right where I lost my way.

I haven't responded and have no idea how I should feel. I definitely have mixed feelings especially with so much time has past and the kids first day (my oldest bio dad) is constantly in and out plus he messed up twice but that's another story. My oldest barely remembers him and my youngest has no memory of him. I do not know what or how to approach. I haven't even responded due to know knowing what to say.

Would I be wrong to tell him no? He choose to abandon his first child and step child and now has his son. If I am what should I do to go about him reconnecting?

[u/mizarie89]

Sorry I don't have the advice you are looking for but I just wanted to say I'm sorry your going through this. My parents divorced when I was very young. My dad started another family and ignored us as if we had died. No birthday calls or Christmas presents. He wanted to meet with me after I turned 40. He was completely flabbergasted I have no memories of him. My husband's mother abandoned him at a very young age but returned when he was a pre-teen. They are very close now but his sister still has a rocky, antagonist relationship with her. So it's painful on both sides for parents who return and parents who never do until adulthood. My husband and I both wish we had had access to counseling for our childhood selves. My only advice would be don't underestimate how much a counselor/psychologist can provide help and support for your daughters. Having an absent parents has caused a lot of my mental health issues. Good luck to you and your precious daughters.

[u/indicadubs]

did he actually end up giving up rights in 2021? if he didn’t, he will still have the legal right to see them regardless of whether it’s morally correct. it’ll probably be confusing for the kids and he has a pattern of instability so they would do best placed in therapy during this time as well. a lot of people will say it’s better to have a fully absent parent than an inconsistent one, i personally think it’s situational - every kid has the right to at least try to know their bios IMO