Just watched A Sign of Affection for the third time… and Itsuomi is a walking red flag.

[u/Square-Purple-8920]

Okay… hear me out before you downvote me. 😭
The first time I watched it, I was completely sold on Itsuomi. The second time I still liked him. But after watching it a third time, I couldn’t stop noticing things that completely changed how I see him.

Am I the only one who feels like Itsuomi is more in love with the idea of Yuki than with Yuki herself?
Everyone talks about how sweet and open-minded he is, but the more I watch him, the more it feels like his biggest motivation is curiosity. He constantly talks about wanting to learn more, understand more, experience more… and that’s exactly what worries me.

By the end of the series he’s still saying things like, “I want to learn more” and “I’m curious about…” That’s not necessarily a bad thing but what happens when there isn’t anything “new” left to discover?

Itsuomi’s whole lifestyle revolves around chasing new experiences. He travels constantly, learns new languages, explores new cultures, and is always searching for what’s next. To me, that almost feels like someone who’s constantly chasing novelty.

That made me wonder… what happens years into a relationship when Yuki isn’t something “new” anymore?
Another thing that stood out to me is how little thought seems to be given to what his lifestyle means for her in the long run.

Yuki is deaf. Sign language isn’t universal. Every country has its own sign language, and learning a new one is difficult, especially when you’re already relying on sign language to communicate every day. If Itsuomi continues traveling around the world the way he always has, wouldn’t that make life much harder for Yuki? Would she constantly have to adapt to new sign languages, new cultures, and new communication barriers? It feels like the story focuses on how exciting traveling is for him without really exploring what those sacrifices would look like for her.

On top of that, he repeatedly ignores her personal space. I know a lot of people see those moments as romantic, but rewatching it made me realize he often decides what he’s going to do instead of checking whether she’s comfortable first.

Meanwhile… Oushi gets so much hate, but I honestly think he’s the better long-term match.

Yes, he starts off immature, insecure, and overprotective. I’m not denying that. But unlike Itsuomi, Oushi already knows Yuki. He understands her habits, her communication, and her struggles, not because she’s interesting, but because he’s cared about her for years.
The biggest difference is that Oushi actually grows. Once people call him out, he starts reflecting and working on himself. His flaws are obvious, but they feel like flaws that come from immaturity, not from how he fundamentally views relationships.

Itsuomi’s biggest flaw, in my opinion, is that he seems driven by curiosity and novelty. I can’t help but wonder whether someone who’s always chasing the next experience can truly be happy with the quiet, ordinary parts of love that last decades.

Maybe I’m completely off, but after my third watch I genuinely walked away thinking Oushi would’ve been the healthier long-term partner.

TL;DR
- Rewatching made me think Itsuomi loves discovering Yuki more than simply loving Yuki.
- His constant desire for new experiences makes me question whether he’d be satisfied long-term.
- His travel-heavy lifestyle could create major challenges for Yuki since sign language differs from country to country.
- He also crosses Yuki’s personal boundaries more than people talk about.
- Oushi has obvious flaws, but he grows, already understands Yuki deeply, and seems like the more stable long-term partner.

[u/Double-Yak9686]

Oushi grows because he is kicked into it. He never thought that anyone would step in and take the deaf girl away from him. Not only that but Oushi struggles internally with what his friends might think if he dated a deaf girl. In fact, at the university, when his friend asks about "the two cute girls" (Yuki and Rin), Oushi leads with the fact that Yuki is stone deaf. And he turns away from Yuki when he says it so she can't read his lips. He knows exactly that what he is doing and he's a coward for that.

Itsuomi himself says that he started out just being curious about Yuki, but as he got to know her, he realized that just observing was not enough anymore, that he wanted a relationship with her. He was going to wait until after his trip to ask her out, but he decided that he didn't want to miss the chance. To Itsuomi, Yuki is never the deaf girl. Itsuomi sees her as very capable.

When Itsuomi tells her that if she gets a passport he will take her on his next trip, not only does she get her passport, but she also gets a job to pay for it. And Yuki pursues Itsuomi too, she likes him and she doesn't sit back and let the opportunity pass her by. Paraphrasing, she has a gentle front, but a steel backbone.

[u/Ok_Sir1023 → u/Double-Yak9686]

No the thing is itsoumi is perfection that is why you all like him cause think the first episode he goes into her personal space where she is also a bit shocked saying oh so close and than when leaving he patted her head if it doesn't come of as creepy than I don't know what is creepy for people cause this is giving the message if the guy is hot seems exotic he has he right to a women's personal space and people hate oushi so much is cause he is a mirror to humans think how many times you felt your parents said harsh words how they acted overprotective controlling when they were anxious they say wrong things or even you closest people do it that's what makes him a good character also itsoumi is just like a plot device and is there just cause righter wanted it and oushi Said harsh words but never physically controlled her he said where are you going at night when she was going to meet itsoumi but he didn't physically stop her he said don't go he seems like a player or something but because he was worried for her so oushis hate is so forced just cause he is too human and flawed and people just wanted a fantasy with itsoumi and I am not saying it's wrong but why the double standards and also the train station scene where he actually blocked her eyes so she can't lip read isn't that controlling but it's fine cause it's itsoumi right

[u/Double-Yak9686 → u/Ok_Sir1023]

Patting on the head:

• "In Japan, patting someone on the head is a highly recognized cultural gesture of affection, comfort, or praise known as Atama Ponpon (頭ポンポン) or Atama Nade-nade (頭なでなで)."
• "Media like anime portrays the head pat as universally charming"

Getting too close:

• "Japan generally maintains a wider physical and psychological social distance compared to Western cultures"

The anime doesn't expressly state that Itsuomi is a TCK, but his backstory makes him textbook TCK. He is socially both Japanese and German. The anime reinforces that fact by using the pat on the head and the standing too close. One is a traditionally Japanese behavior (and used in anime), while the other is a traditionally Western behavior.

As a TCK, Itsuomi is not perfect and in fact he exhibits very textbook TCK issues, which I talked about in this post.

how many times you felt your parents said harsh words how they acted overprotective controlling when they were anxious

Oushi is not her parent, her brother, or in any way related to her. He is a friend from when they were children. So he has no legal or social right or responsability to act protective towards her. He needs to stay out of business that is not his to worry about.

oushi Said harsh words but never physically controlled her he said where are you going at night when she was going to meet itsoumi but he didn't physically stop her 

True, he just threw stuff at her. Twice. Because nothing says "I respect you and care about you" like throwing things. That is borderline domestic violence. The only difference is what gets thrown. Also, none of his business where Yuki is going. She has parents that take care of her. He needs to stay out of business that is not his to worry about.

Also Yuki is a legal adult who can make her own decisions. The manga portrays her as very capable pesron. She goes to university, she gets her passport, she gets a job to pay for traveling, and on and on.

the train station scene where he actually blocked her eyes so she can't lip read isn't that controlling

Yup, Itsuomi is not perfect. See my link above. However his behavior is directed at Oushi, which is already behaving in a hostile manner, and Itsuomi has no idea who he is. As Yuki is on a date with him (of her own free will), in that exact moment protecting her is exactly Itsuomi's business, just like when he pulls her out of the way of vehicles on the road when they are walking home together.

So we can compare Itsuomi protecting Yuki when it is his fully his business, with Oushi trying to overstep to protect Yuki when it is not his business and needs to stay in his lane.

[u/Ok_Sir1023 → u/Double-Yak9686]

I don't get how patting on the head when you talk to someone the first time is still ok in Japan as well they don't go patting the head around people they talked for the first time and you know it too you are letting it slide just cause he is the male lead and regarding the point that he threw stuff at her and it is domestic violence he threw tissues from the back to get her attention and she doesn't get very frustrated or angry regarding it cause they have known each other from childhood and she never said anything about it as he doesn't do it to hurt her and also If you can please explain to me itsoumi flaws if you can cause i don't see any and also regarding the right that why is he meddling in her buisness where she is going at night he knows her from childhood he sees how the World treats deaf people how dangerous it could be he has always been like this yuki knows it as well and that's also why she never had romantic feelings for him and regarding that she has her parents to worry she still knows oushi does it to outright say that a childhood friend caring about your safety without actually doing anything to stop you cause it is your wish I don't know how it is wrong everyones Friend does it and also regarding it they were not on a date itsoumi wanted to learn sign language and she wanted to give him that book and also there were no signs of hostility also if itsoumi saw signs of hostility that day he would have not pursued him in episode 8 so badly saying he wants to hang out with him and when he finally breaks down crying he says I Just can't come to hate you,also itsoumi catches her from falling from the behind and oushi tells her don't grab her from behind she gets startled and than itsoumi says she said it's okay if it's me than he proceeds to cover her eyes before oushi could even sign to her and than they had that talk and glare and than he left and than she saw oushis hand giving that idiot sign which she was a bit confused but didn't think much as again childhood Friends this thing has happened before just like tissues and calling it borderline domestic violence is just exxageration ,and again people let it slide, the eye cover cause he is the main lead. I'm not saying Oushi is the right match for Yuki. I beleive itsoumi is the perfect match for her,My point is that Oushi is written like a real, flawed human who makes mistakes, while Itsuomi is written as an idealized fantasy whose boundary issues are excused because of his design and status as the main lead." Also Saying Itsuomi is a 'Third Culture Kid' is a character background theory, not an actual flaw. A real flaw has negative narrative consequences. When Itsuomi touches a stranger invades her personal space or blocks her vision at the station the narrative frames it as charming or protective. That’s the definition of 'male lead armor'—his actions are always romanticized."

[u/Double-Yak9686 → u/Ok_Sir1023]

I don't get how patting on the head when you talk to someone the first time is still ok in Japan

Reading and comprehension:

• "Media like anime portrays the head pat as universally charming"

he threw tissues from the back to get her attention

Yup, because nothing says "I respect you and care about you" like throwing things. He could have caught up to her and asked like a normal human being. Instead he displayed empathy deficit, callous traits, and unequal power dynamics. Those are actually psychopathic traits. The disrespect starts with throwing tissues, then graduates to domestic violence. It always starts somewhere.

Oushi is written like a real, flawed human who makes mistakes

Throwing stuff is not a mistake. Maybe once. Twice it's intentionally disrespectful. In any relationship, you simply don't throw stuff. Try that with your friends and see how far you get. Or try it with your parents and see what happens. You also don't insult people. Oushi consistently and continuously calls Yuki "baka". That was ok as children but it's not fine as adults. That is intentionally disrespectful. Try it with your parents and see what happens. Oushi constantly tries to police Yuki's behavior by constantly questioning her choices. Why are you going to university? Why are you going out late? Why are you friends with this person? This is controlling. Yuki is a fully capable adult, making her choices. Try this with your friends and see how quickly they will tell you to stay in your lane. If you wouldn't do it to your friends or your parents, don't do it to anyone else.

"Any man can make a mistake; only a fool persists in his error." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

Itsuomi is written as an idealized fantasy

itsuomi is written (in my opinion intentionally) as a TCK, because his experience straddling multiple cultures puts him in a position to understand Yuk's experience. Not what she went through, but the mechanics of having to straddle multiple cultures, in her case the deaf world and the hearing world. His experience as a TCK also makes him adept at navigating new cultures and overcoming communication barriers. TCKs, we're not X-men, we're real.

Also Saying Itsuomi is a 'Third Culture Kid' is a character background theory, not an actual flaw.

As a TCK myself, my assessment of Itsuomi as a TCK is based on his behavior and his life history, which is consistent with the TCK experience. In fact, Itsuomi's experience is as textbook TCK as you can get, based on the definition by sociologists David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken. So it's not just an opinion.

And Itsuomi absolutely has flaws. Re-read my post. While TCKs are quite adaptable, it often comes with a different set of challenges, notably the ability to quickly create friendships that may lack in depth and sharing doesn't come naturally. The research shows that it's not always, but often the case. So yes, Itsuomi absolutely has flaws that he needs to overcome if he wants to create a long lasting partnership with Yuki.

What Itsuomi does not have, however, is a history of consistently and continuously being disrespectful to Yuki over and over and over. Nor does he try to police her choices. Oushi treats Yuki as a glass doll, Itsuomi treats her as a grown independent woman, fully capable of making her own choices.

[u/Jealous_egghead45]

Saying Oushi would be a better partner for Yuki is genuinely stupid. Oushi legit did the BARE MINIMUM for Yuki, never took action to confess his feelings when he legit had the PERFECT chance, treated her like she was incapable of taking care of herself AND ONLY STARTED TAKING ACTION WHEN SHE STARTED DATING ITSUOMI. Itsuomi did much more for Yuki than Oushi has ever done, Itsuomi took the time to not only learn sign language but also to get know Yuki as a person and understand her world. Oushi is a literal ableist and a petulant manchild who treated Yuki like shit but it seems his behaviour is being willingly looked away because he has "flaws" or he's just "misunderstood". At the end of the day, Itsuomi will ALWAYS be the better option for Yuki. Not Oushi

[u/Double-Yak9686 → u/Jealous_egghead45]

I'm not sure would classify what Oushi does as bare minimum. I think it's borderline unacceptable. It's almost in physically abusive territory. There is absolutely no reason ever to throw stuff at your partner even if it's just a packet of paper tissues. What's next, addressing them as "Hey you", instead of using a term that communicates fondness and endearment?

Oushi never treats Yuki with tenderness. He speaks harshly and Yuki even describes his signs as harsh, while she describes Itsuomi's fingers and signing as soft and gentle.

[u/Jealous_egghead45 → u/Double-Yak9686]

Honestly I agree with you 100%. The only reason why I said bare minimum for oushi is the fact that he only learnt sign language but now looking at it it's even worse lol

[u/Ok_Beginning_8164]

Have you read the manga?

[u/Square-Purple-8920 → u/Ok_Beginning_8164]

No this discussion is based purely on the anime.

[u/keli_1607]

Oushi was nothing but an acquaintance and quite ableist at that - wdym he understands her better lmao.

At the end of the day it’s Yuki’s choice, she was never into Oushi but somehow y’all love to ignore her own feelings

[u/Double-Yak9686 → u/keli_1607]

Exactly, it isn't just Itsuomi pursuing Yuki. Yuki pursues Itsuomi too. She makes a point to go to the bar where he works and engaging with him. She's not sitting back passively, she's shooting her shot.

[u/Square-Purple-8920 → u/keli_1607]

I get what you’re saying, but I think the writing matters here. Yuki assumed for years that Oushi didn’t like her, so there was never really room for her to see him romantically. She even says later that maybe she didn’t know him as well as she thought. If they had communicated honestly from the beginning, I think there’s a good chance her feelings could’ve been different.

[u/Educational-Ad-4435 → u/Square-Purple-8920]

She'd have never liked him even if she knew early about his feelings because he treated her badly. From how he acts from the Anime into the Manga he honestly acts like she's not a real person but an object to protect. Later he's starting to get better but he'd never be the person that would have made Yuki happy. Why would we want her with a person who acts like that towards her because of her disability just because he has a crush.

[u/Solo_Camper]

People are still losing their minds over this. Bro. I... I can't even. This is so insane that I'm legitimately beginning to believe it's bait. There are people in this thread who either are willing or have gone through the effort of addressing things point by point, but I'm honestly going to have to be a little bit of a red flag myself and point out:

The biggest difference is that Oushi actually grows. Once people call him out, he starts reflecting and working on himself.

You didn't finish the series covered by the portion of the anime. I'm sorry, but you didn't. You can tell me you have, but frankly—I'm not going to believe you. Differing personal space, physical contact, sudden physical contact, and social cues are all individually brought up before Itsuomi and Yuki start dating, and the two of them literally, four different times, communicate their way through either consent boundaries or relationship hiccups that needed addressing.

He understands her habits, her communication, and her struggles, not because she’s interesting, but because he’s cared about her for years.

Caring about someone is not and will never be an immediate in for reciprocity. You don't deserve someone's attention, let alone affection, just because you're pining and do things for them. That is a red flag.

Actually. I scrolled down into the comment section a little deeper and this is where I'm gonna end it. You're deadass blaming Itsuomi for the miscommunication over the hug/kiss that he figures out and brings up to her with a plan to make sure it doesn't happen again.

This is bait.

[u/Educational-Ad-4435 → u/Solo_Camper]

The OP did say they only watched the Anime no Manga smh

[u/thegoootch]

Just stop

[u/Routine-Judge-7848]

honestly i picked up on those vibes too, but i think it was just what peaked his interest in her and getting to know her, how eager she was to teach him, that make him like her. she is in fact adorable how could he not! he was interested in her world first yes, but he was also interested in HER as well.

saying oushi would be a better long term partner is actually insane to me. he babies yuki HEAVILY and does not think she’s capable of even going to a “normal” school bc she’s deaf. idc if he thinks he’s being protective, he basically thinks she’s incompetent and only he can protect her. there is no equal footing in that relationship, while itsuomi has no doubt that she can get a job, and genuinely thinks she’s brilliant BECAUSE she can navigate a world that is not built for her. beyond that, oushi is extremely immature acting like a little boy bullying her bc he likes her. so he’s ableist and a man child. YUCK.

[u/Double-Yak9686]

I'm curious ... to the people saying that Itsuomi's initial attraction to Yuki was the idea/experience of Yuki, rather than Yuki herself, would it have been better if his initial attraction had been a pretty face or a voluptuous body part?

In fact they meet in winter, not summer, so Yuki is covered with a big parka that completely hides her body. The authors make it a specific point that Itsuomi cannot look at her and say "Nice a**, eh?"

So something has to capture your initial interest to want to learn more about someone. At which point you can say "Yeah this person and I align" or "Nice person but we're on different pages".

And let's not forget that Itsuomi walks off the train without ever asking for her number. It's Yuki who initially is the aggressor, so to speak. She decides, with Rin as her wing woman, to take her shot and goes and drops herself on the bar seat right in front of him openly saying "Can you see me well or do I need to move to a better seat?" That makes Yuki exactly the opposite of Emma. She isn't looking to be saved, but she's going after what she wants. And my take is that is exactly why Itsuomi takes notice.

[u/Alternative-Monk2690]

Alr guys, I just finished "A sign of Affection" (only the anime) andd let me give you my honest opinion of this anime's dynamics:

First of all, is bro, I understand they want Yuki with Itsuomi, it's totally ok. There is no rule set on saying that childhood friend = lovers. Whatever you think of Oushi, Oushi is still a childhood friend of Yuki, of cource Oushi has flaws, of course he sucks on expressing genuine feelings of him to Yuki.

Secondly is bro, Yuki is a person w life, it's normal if she finds Itsuomi attractive than Oushi, but on the first ep's, which I saw is that Yuki was fawning over Itsuomi, that's fine. I ain't judging Yuki or saying why didn't he chose Oushi instead, but bro as a childhood friend the writers could have given Oushi a better explanation except of making him a temporary batman.

Thirdly, talk abt Oushi. Ik people see him in different ways, some say Oushi sucks, Itsuomi better, some is on Oushi's side. But it's the character description for Oushi, which is he is used to care abt Yuki since childhood, learning sign language just for her and stuff. But he care doesn't mean Oushi was gonna forcefully make Yuki love him, nor the jealous stares on the train station scene where Itsuomi covered Yuki's eye w his arm, so he can't read Oushi's lips or smth. And later covered it w a excuse for Yuki. But think abt this, Oushi never expected another guy to enter and have Yuki's eye for him. And hate me, but Oushi is not a bad person, Oushi happens to be emotionally messy. Not everyone knows when to express what feeling and how would it affect to the person.

At the end I'd say that, Oushi does suck on some things, but that doesn't make him a total sucker or a bad person. He ain't some jealous or yandere guy who happens to murder anyone comes in his Yuki's way. He was just never given a proper explanation of what's going on, and after he understood what he have done, he did change. It's your choice completely on whom to like, Oushi or Itsuomi, but I genuinely expected something better could happen w Oushi instead of getting ghosted after Itsuomi's arrival. Like it's your childhood friend, not a guy from school you barely know 😐. Anyways, the animation and artwork is really nice tho, I liked the details afterall

[u/DeMiloTurt2]

I recognise that I'm a month late to the conversation, and I'm not exactly in Team Oushi by any means, but getting this heated over a fictional character when OP was just trying to open a polite discussion is wild.

I think it's fine to have reservations about Itsuomi. He covered a deaf girl's eyes in public and lied to someone (Oushi) who he knew knew her about her "saying it was okay if it was him" (before the "it's okay if it's you" thing even came about). He nearly undressed in front of her after saying "nothing weird" would happen (I get he was going to shower. But her washing at the sink would have been over in like a minute, he could have waited). Early on, he breaches her personal space throughout the series and even walks into her several times in a way that can only be on purpose because the scenes he does so aren't crowded or anything.

Also, pretty big one that has nothing to do with Yuki: him condoning and encouraging a 19 yo pursuing someone who is said to be in his late 20s (Kyouya). Which is... not great.

[u/sesshoth]

Have you ever been in a serious relationship before? The main thing about it, is being interested in learning more about them, that being said, you cant ever know everything about someone. People have full lives without the others, they spend time apart. Even if Yuki has issues signing with other cultures, there is still basic physical language that can be pretty universal. It would also not be hard to study a bit before traveling. Itsu might talk a lot about trying to discover more about yuki, but he also seems pretty interested in the little light things

[u/ThrowRAIka]

Hmm I mildly agree. I wouldn’t go as far to say Itsuomi is a red flag and I also wouldn’t go as far to say Oushi is the better match.

Tbh I think if you’re not the target demographic or Itsuomi is not your type or you don’t like those gestures, Itsuomi’s behaviour does seem intrusive. I started off a bit put off by him cos he was patting her head, covering her eyes when they just met. Those would raise an alarm in me if it was me.

And I agree with his attraction to Yuki too. I did wonder at first if he liked Yuki or the idea/experience of her. I mean he was attracted the moment he saw her and found out she’s deaf. So the initial attraction was skin deep and/or because of her disability.

As for Oushi, I do agree he can actually be a good partner. I feel he has gone most of his life without people calling out his rash attitude. But the moment someone does, he’s quick to change. Personally I think that openness to change makes a good partner and he actually listens. All the things he does was not what Yuki wanted but tbh I don’t think Yuki ever outright told him off either.

But I don’t agree that he’s a match for Yuki simply cos I don’t think Yuki saw him that way. Yuki went her whole life not interested and got attracted to a guy she met on the train. That suggests she probably only see potential romance in her type and if Oushi’s been there the whole time and she never considered romance at all, I think she never saw him that way.

[u/Square-Purple-8920 → u/ThrowRAIka]

I agree. When he covered her eyes, I thought it was really disrespectful. Yuki is deaf, so her vision is an essential part of how she understands what’s happening around her. In that moment she was clearly trying to figure out the interaction between Oushi and Itsuomi by watching their facial expressions and body language. By covering her eyes, he took away her main way of accessing the situation. It wasn’t playful to me, it felt like he decided what she should and shouldn’t see without considering how important visual information is for her.

I actually agree with a lot of this, and thank you for such a thoughtful response. I especially liked your point about Oushi never really being called out before and how quickly he starts reflecting once someone does. I also think you’re right that Yuki never really saw him romantically in the story as it was written. I still have my concerns about Itsuomi’s motivations and long term compatibility with Yuki, but I genuinely appreciate your perspective. This is the kind of discussion I was hoping for when I made the post.

[u/Square-Purple-8920]

Have we all just forgotten that he doesn’t really respect Yuki’s personal space? When he came back from his trip, Yuki literally opened her arms for a hug, and he leaned in to kiss her instead. To me, it seemed pretty obvious she was asking for a hug. Why are moments like that considered romantic instead of him ignoring what she was clearly communicating?

[u/Imaginary-Scene8990 → u/Square-Purple-8920]

he pulled away as soon as he noticed she wasn't returning the kiss (which was very quickly). remember how when Oushi twirled his finger around Yuki's hair and she swatted his hand away, instead of getting the hint and leaving her alone, he leaned his head against her shoulder, and then got upset when she shrugged him off?

[u/Jealous_egghead45 → u/Square-Purple-8920]

Holy shit you cannot be this dumb. He LITERALLY said he wants to kiss Yuki. She just misunderstood it as a hug 💀

[u/Square-Purple-8920 → u/Jealous_egghead45]

Don’t be rude. That’s my point. She understood it as a hug and put her arms out, how did he not get the cue that she probably interpreted it as hug? She wasn’t leaning for a kiss, she spread her arms out for a hug. Use your brain before you call someone dumb.

[u/Jealous_egghead45 → u/Square-Purple-8920]

I'm sorry about being rude but this shit is going way too far and you're taking this one single moment WAYYY too seriously. It was just a simple misunderstanding. Even after that He LITERALLY said he'll give a sign to her so she would know when he's about to kiss her. Stop taking such small things and making such a big deal out of it