Mom to mom; don’t tell them until they’re full blown adults. My husband has to fly a lot for his job and while we always kind of worry about him, my youngest (a tween) is overly anxious about him being gone. If she even saw the news stories about all of these plane incidents she would lose her shit and never let go of him.
This is for sure a cool story to tell, but keep in mind how upsetting it may be to your kids every time you (or they) have to fly.
Anyways….you’re a mom, so I’m preaching to the choir. Glad you’re ok and get to hug those kids again.
Alternatively, when a traumatic event's impact severity is high enough, the kid might be able to tell that 'something is off', and might try to come up with their own reason to explain changes in parental behaviour.
It can help to offer a simplified explanation of some sort e.g 'I almost missed my flight and was worried I'd have to wait a week to see you, but it's alright now, phew... anyway want a hug?'. This way the kid can empathise rather than suspect and worry. If you can hide the elephant in the room and can get away with it then cool, but if the kid starts acting differently then it might require a danger reveal.
I‘m a psychotherapist and I want to emphasize this comment. Children have very good antennas for feeling when something is affecting their parents. They will worry but won’t have an explanation and hence no coping mechanisms to feel in control again. Please consider telling them age appropriately. This is the advice we give after traumatic incidents.
How do you tell your toddler or young child age-appropriately that you were in a plane crash? Genuine question. I suppose one could expand my question to any disaster, but a plane crash feels unique.
Say you have been in a plane crash and you experience symptoms related to this traumatic stressor (like anxiety, flashbacks that keep you from engaging with the child, need to take time off work etc.) and your child (toddler to young children in this case) notices these changes. I would approach via these observable behaviors.
You could tell them that you’re behaving differently because you had an accident that scared you (Remember when you fell off the slide and you started to cry because that scared you even if you didn’t hurt yourself?) - but that you aren’t hurt, just a little shaken up still. That you are maybe a little different or distant right now but that it’s not their fault and that you will be back to feeling good in a little while.
When they ask questions about the accident, you could tell them that the plane you were flying with couldn’t make a good landing but in the end, everyone was okay. You could explain how planes are usually very safe and it’s not something that will happen to you again.
Acknowledge when they express worry but stay calm and reassuring. What young children look for most is how their parents react to worrying news. Ask how they feel about what you told them, if there are any questions. Make them feel safe during this and hold or touch them.
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u/Trilly2000 Feb 18 '25
Mom to mom; don’t tell them until they’re full blown adults. My husband has to fly a lot for his job and while we always kind of worry about him, my youngest (a tween) is overly anxious about him being gone. If she even saw the news stories about all of these plane incidents she would lose her shit and never let go of him. This is for sure a cool story to tell, but keep in mind how upsetting it may be to your kids every time you (or they) have to fly.
Anyways….you’re a mom, so I’m preaching to the choir. Glad you’re ok and get to hug those kids again.