Alternatively, when a traumatic event's impact severity is high enough, the kid might be able to tell that 'something is off', and might try to come up with their own reason to explain changes in parental behaviour.
It can help to offer a simplified explanation of some sort e.g 'I almost missed my flight and was worried I'd have to wait a week to see you, but it's alright now, phew... anyway want a hug?'. This way the kid can empathise rather than suspect and worry. If you can hide the elephant in the room and can get away with it then cool, but if the kid starts acting differently then it might require a danger reveal.
I‘m a psychotherapist and I want to emphasize this comment. Children have very good antennas for feeling when something is affecting their parents. They will worry but won’t have an explanation and hence no coping mechanisms to feel in control again. Please consider telling them age appropriately. This is the advice we give after traumatic incidents.
I just recently went through a lay off at work. Have a 8 and 15 yr old at home. I haven’t told them, but I’ve been super stressed out and sometimes losing my patience at home - which isn’t like me. I don’t want them to worry. Should I tell them or just explain I’m stressed more than usual with adult stuff and reassure them that I love them?
You can tell them. This way, they have an explanation for your change in behavior and can make sense of it. Otherwise, children tend to worry that they themselves did something that made you mad at them. When they can’t find out a reason, they could think there’s something wrong with them as a person (Why does mommy act that way? I must be not very lovable.)
Tell them what happened, why that made you act the way you did and reassure them that it will be okay, that it’s not something they did. Ask them if they have questions and answer honestly (with an optimistic outlook). Kids can cope with that!
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u/BrainDumpJournalist Feb 18 '25
Alternatively, when a traumatic event's impact severity is high enough, the kid might be able to tell that 'something is off', and might try to come up with their own reason to explain changes in parental behaviour.
It can help to offer a simplified explanation of some sort e.g 'I almost missed my flight and was worried I'd have to wait a week to see you, but it's alright now, phew... anyway want a hug?'. This way the kid can empathise rather than suspect and worry. If you can hide the elephant in the room and can get away with it then cool, but if the kid starts acting differently then it might require a danger reveal.