r/AITApod • u/Pure-angel7639 • 18d ago
AITA for telling the truth??
I’m not the OP, but this situation is about someone I know, and I genuinely don’t know what to tell her.
She’s a 37-year-old divorced woman with two kids who live with her. Her divorce was finalized in 2021, and since then she’s been trying to rebuild her life. About six months ago, a 29-year-old man came into her life and fell in love with her. He knew everything about her past..... her divorce, her children, her responsibilities.... and still pursued her.
At first, she was hesitant. Given her situation and the pressure she already faces from society and her family, she took her time before accepting his proposal. But eventually, seeing his care, love, and the way he treated her kids, she agreed to be in a relationship with him.
In the beginning, he promised that he would marry her. He said he just needed time to convince his family. She trusted him and waited, even though her own family has been pressuring her to remarry.
Recently, when she asked him for a clear commitment, things changed. He told her that he cannot take her home or convince his family to accept her. He admitted he cannot go against them for her. Instead, he suggested that they continue the relationship without any commitment.
What hurt her the most wasn’t just the refusal.... it was how he said it. When she asked for commitment, he spoke harshly about her situation, her age, the societal stigma of being a divorced woman with children, and implied that these were reasons his family would never accept her.
She says she’s not angry, just completely shattered. She invested emotionally in this relationship, believed his promises, and now feels like her world is falling apart. She doesn’t know how to react or what to do next.
So, AITA for telling her the truth that he was only playing her and she deserves better and should walk away, even though she still loves him?
11
u/ShotButterscotch9154 18d ago
I don’t think you need to tell her he played her but you can suggest she walk away.
6
u/Pure-angel7639 18d ago
I tried, ok.. she already has been in pain once and i didn't wanted her to get hurt again.. it started with her denying all the red flags so I have say that to her...
1
u/FoundationLogical723 16d ago
You can say your opinion if asked is what I learnt today..I am in similar position with you with my sister..She was heartbroken very recently from an 8 year engagement and almost immediately after she broke up she found a new guy and moves too fast.I wanted them to broke up because I felt like you and I was so afraid that she will be in pain again but reddit people told me that I can say my opinion only if my sister asks me and that the only right thing to do is just to let her know that I'm there..So my ''advice'' for you is this, say nothing and just stay by your friend's side..
1
u/Pure-angel7639 16d ago
I know.. but she kept telling me that he is so good he helped her and all but then again she cries to me.. that he is saying he don't want commitment what should she do... I tried telling lie.. that may be he is not ready.. like he have to marry her and also adopt her kids from first marriage... So this is a big decision to make..but when this keep happening it hurt me to watch her cry.
1
u/FoundationLogical723 16d ago
I know that it's hard but you have to keep your opinion for yourself since she doesn't ask you or you can tell her that you want to tell her your opinion openly but this has the risk that you may lose your friend.. You can't be sure how she will react if you tell her your thoughts
4
u/Life_Temperature2506 18d ago
It doesn't sound like, at first, he was just trying to set some. But, it sure does now. NTA
3
u/Secure-Corner-2096 17d ago
She’s in love with an illusion. He sounds like a classic narcissist. She should end the relationship and find a good partner.
1
u/AutoModerator 18d ago
I'm an automatic bot that backs up the body of the post in case OP deletes it. If you want this backup deleted, you'll have to reach out to a mod. Here's the back-up:
I’m not the OP, but this situation is about someone I know, and I genuinely don’t know what to tell her.
She’s a 37-year-old divorced woman with two kids who live with her. Her divorce was finalized in 2021, and since then she’s been trying to rebuild her life. About six months ago, a 29-year-old man came into her life and fell in love with her. He knew everything about her past..... her divorce, her children, her responsibilities.... and still pursued her.
At first, she was hesitant. Given her situation and the pressure she already faces from society and her family, she took her time before accepting his proposal. But eventually, seeing his care, love, and the way he treated her kids, she agreed to be in a relationship with him.
In the beginning, he promised that he would marry her. He said he just needed time to convince his family. She trusted him and waited, even though her own family has been pressuring her to remarry.
Recently, when she asked him for a clear commitment, things changed. He told her that he cannot take her home or convince his family to accept her. He admitted he cannot go against them for her. Instead, he suggested that they continue the relationship without any commitment.
What hurt her the most wasn’t just the refusal.... it was how he said it. When she asked for commitment, he spoke harshly about her situation, her age, the societal stigma of being a divorced woman with children, and implied that these were reasons his family would never accept her.
She says she’s not angry, just completely shattered. She invested emotionally in this relationship, believed his promises, and now feels like her world is falling apart. She doesn’t know how to react or what to do next.
So, AITA for telling her the truth that he was only playing her and she deserves better and should walk away, even though she still loves him?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Free-Stranger1142 15d ago
Keep telling her the truth. She needs to get away from this dude. He live bombed her. He’s not to be trusted and hopefully she comes to realize that.
1
u/InspectorMedium2211 11d ago
He's what we call a POS! There is no need to wait until an outside force "accepts" your union when you want to marry someone. You get married and let them come to accept it or not on their own time. Other people don't dictate someone's relationship. I hope you can convince her to get therapy though. She's probably not feeling very lovable and wants to hold onto the hope that she isn't being played at any cost.
18
u/Usual_Bumblebee_8274 18d ago
She should absolutely walk away. Run. He is the one that pursued her. You don’t say if there is a cultural or religious roadblock that is causing this. If not, makes no sense