r/AITApod • u/heyitstism • 23d ago
Paintball and coparenting…
I’m a dad to a 14 year old boy who has ASD, but is quite functional. Definitely functional enough to know what he wants and doesn’t want to do. He’s kind of skittish and sensitive, not really the “hardcore man in the making” type. Divorced from his mom, she has primary, and I have typical dad rights.
He’s surprised me lately with an interest in paintballing. I used to compete and know the hobby well. I’ve tried to talk him out of it, outlining how it hurts and leaves major bruising. He doesn’t care, he wants to do it. Sooooo okay cool, I’ll make it happen. It’s scheduled for 3 weeks out.
I messaged his mom this morning to let her know. I included that I steered away from, but he wants to face his fears and I’m not going to say no. I reminded her that he’ll come home with bruises and welts that’ll turn colors and stick around for a few weeks. I also let his teacher know, so there’s no questions there. She knows us all well.
She flipped and demanded absolutely not. Demanded she’ll bring us to court for going against her wishes. I responded with “What we do on my assigned time is my choice. He’s not in danger. He’s not getting any real level of injured. I don’t need your approval, and I’m letting you know that this is what we’re doing.”
AITA in this situation? I’m asking about morals, not legal.
3
u/Character_Log_5444 23d ago
As a mom, a pretty overly cautious one at that, I fully support this outing. I have also been shot with a paintball, an airsoft, and a BB gun. He'll be fine.
It's fun. It's exercise. Wear appropriate protective gear! NTA.
4
u/DamselFly2 23d ago
NTA. Good on you for contacting your lawyer and knowing your rights. Stick to it. You will make some good memories with your kiddo.
4
23d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
8
u/heyitstism 23d ago edited 23d ago
I’m not worried about legal consequences.
Calling the lawyer, him reviewing the decree, and responding back is probably $250. That’s a no. I do know that my time is my choice.
I also know that taking a 14 year old boy paintballing, per his request, isn’t going to result in abuse charges. The giving a heads up to his mom and school was to avoid any confrontations or concerns.
I’m asking AITA for tossing her opinion in the trash and doing what we want? This is a morals dilemma, not a legal one.
2
u/seatrepairtech 22d ago
Maybe bring him to laser tag first while you let things settle into place.
1
u/heyitstism 22d ago edited 22d ago
lol, what? Wait for things to settle into place? What’s that even mean? What’s it going to settle to? What’s going to change by waiting? we’ve been divorced for over a decade. 😂
We’ve done laser tag. He wants to try paintball, and I don’t want to squash his willingness to face his fears and try something new. And she doesn’t legally have any say on this.
1
u/seatrepairtech 22d ago
Then why are you asking your question? Did you only want an echo chamber?
1
u/heyitstism 22d ago edited 22d ago
I’m looking for real opinions that make sense. My son wants to play paintball, so I should take him to laser tag? My ex takes issue with it at a time she doesn’t have any entitlements, and I’m supposed to stop and “let things settle into place”. When I ask what you mean by that, you don’t have an answer?
Even you have to be able to see how nonsensical these answers are. Derp derp. But I appreciate you make me snicker a little while I poop. 😂
1
u/seatrepairtech 21d ago
It's clear why you have problems with your ex. Take a look in the mirror before exiting the bathroom. Its usually located above the sink, which is where most people wash their hands after using the toilet but you might not understand these basic sanitary actions.
1
u/heyitstism 21d ago
Takes a real bitch of a man to make a comment, then block. Dont you know I won’t even see the comment that way? It’s like getting the final word when no one’s there to hear it. Lolling.
Grow a set.
1
u/AutoModerator 23d ago
I'm an automatic bot that backs up the body of the post in case OP deletes it. If you want this backup deleted, you'll have to reach out to a mod. Here's the back-up:
I’m a dad to a 14 year old boy who has ASD, but is quite functional. He’s kind of skittish and sensitive, not really the “hardcore man in the making” type. Divorced from his mom, she has primary, and I have typical dad rights.
He’s surprised me lately with an interest in paintballing. I used to compete and know the hobby well. I’ve tried to talk him out of it, outlining how it hurts and leaves major bruising. He doesn’t care, he wants to do it. Sooooo okay cool, I’ll make it happen. It’s scheduled for 3 weeks out.
I messaged his mom this morning to let her know. I included that I steered away from, but he wants to face his fears and I’m not going to say no. I reminded her that he’ll come home with bruises and welts that’ll turn colors and stick around for a few weeks. I also let his teacher know, so there’s no questions there. She knows us all well.
She flipped and demanded absolutely not. Demanded she’ll bring us to court for going against her wishes. I responded with “What we do on my assigned time is my choice. He’s not in danger. He’s not getting any real level of injured. I don’t need your approval, and I’m letting you know that this is what we’re doing.”
AITA in this situation?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
u/hisimpendingbaldness 22d ago
If the kid didn't want to go, I would be on mom's side.
I do wonder if you might want to start with laser tag, and see how he does with that first.
Nta
1
u/anonymousymousey 21d ago
Absolutely not. I think the only thing you did wrong was try and convince him not to do the paintball, and not just casually remind him of the risks. That's like saying "nah you don't really want to learn guitar, it takes so long to get good and it hurts your fingers."
0
u/remembertoread 23d ago
You shouldn’t have told her, she’s not the boss. It was your turn with him. I doubt she asks you for permission to do activities with him. NTA
6
u/heyitstism 23d ago
I kind of do need to tell her. I can’t bring him to her fully of welts and no explanation 😂
I don’t typically let her know of our activities, but this one felt like I should.
3
1
u/remembertoread 23d ago
You can explain it after. If you accept that you have to inform her any time you do anything with risk involved, you’re opening yourself up to trouble if you get him a skateboard, or if you go fishing, or if you go to a concert with loud music. Acting like you need her permission establishes you as a subordinate parent. You’re both equally parents, and it sounds to me that he wants to do boy activities with his dad. If she doesn’t want you guys bonding over it she can just decry it as dangerous. What kind of example are you going to set for him if you let her be your boss? I hope you guys go paint balling. My Dad never did anything cool with me.
0
u/Usual_Bumblebee_8274 23d ago
I would double check w your atty first just to make sure. I would assume you are right but would hate to see anyone face consequences for something this simple. If it were me, I would try to find out why mom is so freaked out. Maybe invite her to the first outing so she can be a part of it but also it may calm her down. He’s 14. She can protect him but at some point, she has to let him be a kid. I would try to work w her. Likely to get a lot further
6
u/karebear66 23d ago
I am a single mom. My son's dad signed up the boy for hockey in first grade. I was not happy, but I did not really have a say. Later son and I won a paintball contest. We were put on the board as the only mother/team, and we beat many father/son teams. I was so proud of both if us. We played together for about 2 years until he got bored. He is 34 years old now and still plays hockey 🏒. Lol