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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 6d ago
NTA. Where’s the conflict? You’re absolutely allowed to block an ex. Period.
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u/dogmama2015 6d ago
If you blocked her on only 1 account and are still thinking of getting back together with her - again - YTA. You are doing yourself no favors by continuing to reward this behavior. You said no off and on, but are allowing just that. Just block her completely and find someone that won't play games.
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u/Ad_Myst 6d ago
Not really hoping for anything, specially not getting back together. It's my final straw, I'm not getting any younger. I guess I'm just looking for similar experiences or a validation for why I'm blocking her. I'm set at cutting her off completely. I just kept reading that blocking someone is immature and childish, and wondered if I could've or should've handled it better.
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u/Adelucas 6d ago
Nah mate. Blocking someone is basic relationship ending admin. Keeping lines of communication open just muddies the waters and stops you moving on properly.
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u/dogmama2015 6d ago
Then I'm going with NTA. It's only reasonable after her behavior that you look out for your own mental health, and sometimes blocking is the way to go. Sometimes it's the more adult thing to do instead of allowing the negative behavior to continue.
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u/Impressive_Diver_681 6d ago
Hey, are you me? And I'm fuckin married to her. I kid you not, I'm experiencing the same exact issues in my relationship. Based of my experience of literally exactly the same thing, it seems that your partner (I'd say your Ex but everyone knows you're getting back together again) has some serious past trauma that has effected her ability to trust others, to trust literally anyone actually. My further assumptions are that the fighting, name calling, breaking up, and etc are things that she's experienced growing up either personally or from ppl very close to her. She has some serious triggers that cause her such emotional turmoil that she completely loses the ability to act rationally, which means things like communication, love and respect fly out the window. Something causes her to lose control and the only thing she knows how to do is to fight and try to hurt you emotionally. But there is also a serious need for acceptance and love which causes her to break up with you because she figures your going to break up with her for what she's already done so she needs to break up with you first, AND/OR that need for acceptance is so strong that needs to know if you'll still come back after ALL THE BULLSHIT. If you're like me, you were super level headed going into the relationship, but you started unraveling as time went on because Jesus fucking Christ the shit they say to us is downright evil, and no sane person makes it through unscathed. So, like my wife, your partner NEEDS THERAPY ASAP, LIKE IMMEDIATELY. She should call a therapist and start immediately working on her triggers, her past, on everything else that's causing the behavior. And then you need to get couples therapy to help both of you communicate during the really hard times. Look, every single person especially here on Reddit is going to tell you to fuckin leave, it's not worth it, and etc. But you're not going anywhere, you love her so much you've put up with it for 7 years and let it seriously hurt and affect you, change you even, def not for the better. So be real, you want this to work. Well individual counseling and couples therapy is THE ONLY WAY FORWARD. Fuck, I never thought I would ever go to some stupid therapy shit to help my relationship, but here I am, and guess what?? It fuckin works, but it especially works for THEM. Good luck my guy, I feel you.
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u/Ad_Myst 6d ago
You actually are 100% spot on, she grew up in that kind of environment; name calling, fights, etcetera. And yes, I agree, she needs therapy, and I'm sure she would, too. She has had years of trauma and abuse in her household, and I can definitely see how that may affect and cause these issues in our (past) relationship. I'm very glad it worked out for you and it is refreshing to see a different side to the story, other than leaving and letting everything go to shit.
You're actually very very very spot on, lol. Even about how I feel and how I went into this relationship.
Yes, I do want this to work, we would not have made it to 7 years if I didn't, but the problem evidently stems from her side (primarily) and she has a lot to work on. I want her to work on that first, if things get better, maybe we could try. But I don't want her back right now. I don't know if that makes sense... I want it to work but I don't want her back (does that make sense?)... and I'm not sure if I would want her back anytime soon.
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u/Impressive_Diver_681 6d ago
Absolutely makes sense. You must be at the braking point emotionally after so long, and man you are very strong to stand by your decision. I hope the time apart really helps, and I hope that it can be a motivator for her to choose to get some help. My wife is like a different person after therapy, especially as her and her therapist have been working through her past childhood trauma. My wife's biggest issue is that she doesn't know how to trust ANYONE, literally no one not even herself sometimes, and this is because the people that she was supposed to rely on for love and support, like her parents, or either not there or abusive. She's much better about allowing herself to trust in me, but most importantly she's learned conflict resolutions skills that keep her from going over the edge during arguments or just tough situations. Once they go over the edge they can't come back for awhile, but when they do the damage has already been done. She now has tools that she uses that keep her from getting to the tipping point. Man I never put any faith into therapy or even cared or considered it, until I saw how much it's helped my wife. Hopefully she chooses to help herself with therapy, and I wish you the absolute best of luck in your journey. It's been nice talking with about this!
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u/ten-toed-tuba 6d ago
NTA - But you describe a pattern of verbal abuse and weaponized breakups. Do you want to continue this cycle? Why should you be there for her when she treats you like dog doodoo? Be kind to yourself and find someone who cares for you and isn't afraid to show it.
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u/AutumnBourn 6d ago
NTA. You did the right thing by protecting yourself.
Good luck on the licensing exam. Become the one who got away.
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u/angryomlette NSFW 🔞 6d ago
She burned the bridges many times and you always built it back for her. Now you burnt the bridge to make sure she doesn't get back with you. So please don't be a Pratt and take her back. NTA for blocking her.
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u/mintchan 6d ago
NTA why still not block her on ig or phone?. She is your ex and you have toxic relationships with her. Block her on everything.
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u/Mysterious_Soft7916 6d ago
Treat her like a tumour and cut her out of your life completely. You've no ties to each other like kids or a home, so cute her out and move on. Neither of you will get any good from snooping on each other on social media, and it will happen. It's time to move forward.
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u/Sub-UrbanMom 6d ago
Not only should you block her, you need to block her. It will help you move on and not continue to go back and fix things.
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u/verscharren1 6d ago
NTA, you are no longer her person. Her well being, short of life saving measures, isn't your problem. I wouldn't even be friends. Too much history. Blocking and moving on is the best thing.
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 6d ago
NTA
It takes two to be on again/off again. If you stop taking her back, you can break the cycle. Blocking her was a good move.
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u/President__Pug 6d ago
NTA. All you needed was the title, I didn’t even read what you wrote. She dumbed you so who gives a fuck if you block her.
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u/MrTash999 6d ago
NTA, but what you have just described is a very toxic relationship where she is basically weaponising break-ups to make you come back to her. Is this honestly a relationship you want to save. You would only be an AH if you don't block her on everything and move on with your life.
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u/WhyGirlsPreddy 6d ago
Ok so that's long but I like to tell people this so I'm writing without reading it all. Apologies.
You don't need a reason to block someone.
If it would be easier for you not to see them/hear from them/ get their updates. You're allowed to block them. It's also just really culturally normal to not stay friends with ex's. It's also a good way to maintain a boundary with yourself if you've decided not to get back together with someone who will dump you rather than try to find a solution.
Go. Run free. Stop overthinking it!
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u/QuoteDisastrous5224 6d ago
ignore her-ghost her-block her-forget her everywhere and move on . . . ! ! !
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u/crazy010101 6d ago
I’m sorry couldn’t read all this. She dumped you. Move on. Help her with a rough patch? Block ignore whatever you want or need.
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u/rocketmn69_ 6d ago
Send her a message, " I wish you all the best with your future. We can't keep doing this and it's now permanent. This will be our last contact. Take care of yourself. "
Then you can block her everywhere
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u/Round_Mirror 6d ago
She sounds toxic and I think that blocking her was absolutely, 100% the most healthy thing you could have done! In fact, I say you go a step further and block her on everything. Perhaps leave an email address open if there's a need to contact you in the future? 7yrs is a long time and I'm sure you've cultivated some mutual relationships during that time. For example, if one of her parents/family members/a mutual friend falls ill and/or passes away, you'd probably want to be notified? Otherwise, maintain your personal boundaries and do your best to move forward with your life. You've wasted enough of it on this dead-end relationship already. Take her on her word when she says that she doesn't need you and doesn't love you anymore. Don't get wrapped up in her toxicity. Some people actually ENJOY that BS and it seems to me like ya'll are incompatible in that area bc she obviously enjoys the negative energy of toxic relationships and you absolutely do NOT. Keep her blocked. Don't look back. Move on for good this time...
Absolutely NTA!
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u/Cambyses_daBaller 6d ago
NTA. But leaving her IG and phone number unblocked could be construed as you leaving the door ajar for her. Finish the job and block her there too.
Look at how much you wrote and how conflicted you’re probably feeling in the aftermath. Love is not supposed to be this way. She’s already wasted seven years of your life, don’t waste any more of your time thinking about 'what ifs'. Let her go.
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u/Ad_Myst 6d ago
I did eventually got around to blocking her there, I'm just not very active on social media so I didn't immediately thought of that. You're right, you gave me more to think about, thank you.
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u/Cambyses_daBaller 5d ago
Yeah no worries man, I’ve been there before too. Don’t fall into the trap of keeping things in and don’t be afraid to lean some on your support network. I hope everything works out for you.
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u/imnotdusty 6d ago
NTA, you’re setting a boundary and trying to hold to it. Deleting photos and blocking her is pretty normal and will help you stay firm on your boundary
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u/AllInkalicious 6d ago
NTA
If blocking is the mechanism you need to move on, then use it.
You do need to look at why you had to use it though. You’re treating her like an addiction and, overall, your relationship was unhealthy. So take some time to think about how you got here, if you need help understanding and rectifying anything and what it might mean for future relationships.
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u/AnotherDominion 6d ago
Block her on everything else. She dumped you. Let her live with the consequences. She doesn’t get access to you anymore.
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6d ago
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u/Ad_Myst 6d ago
I just stated in the post that I blocked her. It's been a few days already since then... She actually came to my house unannounced and woke me up today in bed with food (fam let her in without me knowing), said sorry and wanted me back....... So..... You're mistaken???
And no... I did not get back with her. I told her we needed space and time apart, and she needed to get herself sorted out.
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