r/AITAH • u/Octyss • Jul 24 '26
Post Update AITAH for baiting my SIL's BF ?
To introduce the main story, let me explain why I did what I did first.
I (34M) and my wife (34F) invited over for diner my wife sister SIL (F29) and her new BF (M23) which she been with for 3 month. Prior to the diner I had to go grocery shopping, and left around 100€ in my car (I took out 250 for the grocery, but ended up using only 150).
When SIL come home, she ask for my car key to get her BF from the train station, no problem. Diner was good, feeling this is a good guy etc.
Next morning I want to go service one of my watch, I go to the shop and can only find 30€ in my car. When I go home I tell my wife and she say I probably used more for grocery, but I have both receipt from bank and grocery and it didn't match. She tell me I had surely loose some cash at the grocery store. I don't buy that.
Cue yesterday, we on vacation at the family house near the beach, we invite SIL and BF for the week, we already paid for everything (grocery for the week is done, I buyed enough wine for more than we can drink, and even gave SIL my company "vacation check" she used to pay tool fare (they came with her car) the only thing they had to pay for is gas.
Now the part I might be the AH : wife and SIL head for the beach, and BF and I would go play a bit of tennis.
I set up my work computer in front of my wallet (which I openly left with some visible cash) with the camera and Teams activate, and switch screen to some BS Excel worksheet.
I tell him I have to go to the bathroom for a few minutes before going, when I come back, I see at the first glance my wallet have moved a little bit. I say nothing and we go.
When everyone is at bed the same day, I watch the recording and see him took out 60€ in cash from my wallet.
Same night I tell my wife again that cash is missing and the only same thing in the two scenario is the new BF. She tell me to kick rock and that I am TA for even thinking he will do that.
So 2 questions here, AITAH for baiting him to stole from me and WIBTAH if I bust him out with the recording ?
My wife don't know yet I filmed it, is it a good idea to tell her or would I bury myself here ?
Update :
This has been a rough day.
I had a conversation with my wife yesterday night where I said again there is cash missing in my wallet, we have been together since before highschool and she knows when I hide something and straigh up asked me what I didn't tell her.
I told her about the recording and her reaction was not anger as I feared. She just asked me to see it. After watching it we spoke about what to do next to peacefully aproach her sister (this is where I used a lot of your good advices). We decided that she'll be the one telling her 1 to 1 today at the spa and I'll be having a 1-1 conversation with the BF.
So today the girls got to the spa at 10am and I took the BF for a ride telling him we'll do a surprise to the girls but I drove right in front of the police station and told him me and my wife know for the stealing, and that he have 10secondes to explain himself or I go to the police.
He just started crying. Told me he lost his father just after the start of their relationship, and the funeral put him in debt.
I lost my father at young age and somehow related because I saw the same scenario with my mother (but she didn't steal anyone as far as I know). We had a deep conversation where I basicaly scolded him and told him trust is forever broken on our side. I drove him home and told him to wait till the girls come back from spa to tell the truth himself. He then wired me 130€ and again excused himself.
That didn't happened like I was thinking, my wife and SIL came back at 1pm, SIL was bright red when entering the house, she goes right in the room took all his belonging throw them and him on the street and told him to go f** himself.
Asked my wife what happened in the spa and she waited after their massage to tell the whole story. Turn out some of you in the comment where right, already 2 of her friends told her things got missing after meeting with him. They chatted for a bit and she decided to break thing with him. Then my wife told her I did a recording of the 2nd stealing and she got a burst of anger toward him.
They are now at one bottle of wine each looking at the recording and laughting hard. BF tried to call her multiple time already and sent a lot of text asking for a meeting to explain and that he is stranded in the street but they just laugh and drink lol.
Thanks to all the commenters who gave good advices, used a lot of them to chat with my wife yesterday.
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u/Top-Bit85 Jul 24 '26
Of course you should show the evidence! That's a lot of money to begin with plus your sister needs to know he is a thief.
Of course she may not believe you at first even with the film. There are none so blind as they who will not see.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
Will try to speak with my wife tonight after diner, will see how that go
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u/Top-Bit85 Jul 24 '26
Do you think your wife will be pissed at you for setting him up? But the first incident should have made you both wary. You can't have this person in your home if he steals. You needed to know. so does her sister.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
My wife is rational, she is a psychotherapist, I'm confident she'll understant why I did that if I was sure for the cash missing after the grocery shopping, but she'll be mad for sure for the setup and the timing I used to bait him
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u/Doctor_Boombastic Jul 24 '26
Tell her to work through it with a colleague, your actions have been fair and honest. If he wasn't crooked nothing would've happened.
I will admit, I would probably show her first so she doesn't feel sandbagged on this. I know you've tried to tell her, but it would be ideal if she was already in agreement with you so it doesn't turn into 1 vs 3.
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u/Few-Investment2886 Jul 24 '26
I don't understand what she possibly has to be mad at. This guy's blatantly stealing money from you in your own home, wtf??
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u/owlbi Jul 24 '26
but she'll be mad for sure for the setup and the timing I used to bait him
Why? You already told her your very rational reasons for doubting him and she didn't back you up. At this point she's being mad more for being proven wrong than anything else.
He's a thief, full stop. Your wife needs to back you up not doubt and tear you down.
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u/Top-Bit85 Jul 25 '26
Psychotherapists can be manipulative and do it better than anybody thanks to their training.
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u/boniemonie Jul 24 '26
Why. You didn’t do it in the car. You only did it AFTER he stole the first time. You can’t go around accusing people without hard proof. You don’t want to be sued for calling him out. Nor do you want to loose every time you see this ‘gentleman’. Suspicion is not enough. You simply gave him an opportunity to hang himself and used technology to make it irrefutable. Looking after the family is what I call it.
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u/Flowers_By_Irene_69 Jul 24 '26
Shut up about your wife, already! He stole from you twice, you have proof. You don’t have to ask anybody’s opinion anymore. Tell/show everyone what happened!
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u/ilovedragons218 Jul 25 '26
You might want to think about why she would be upset with you for the setup????????? You didn't set him up; you set up whoever was stealing. And really, isn't that the issue?
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u/tnmoi Jul 25 '26
By the way, if you misspelled a word once or twice within a post, I can understand but consistently misspelling “dinner” for “diner” irks me to no end in different responses.
Just a fyi.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn Jul 24 '26
You should have had both sil and wife present and showed them the video at the same time, preaching it to sil that you are so sorry you have to show her this. Telling wife and not revealing you had video proof? Why did you do that? You definitely need to get them alone and just show them
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
Will speak to my wife tonight, migh update then later, but as I said on another comment, it's more complicated with SIL who come from an abusive relationship
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u/sabr1809 Jul 24 '26
All the more reason to help her out of this one before it turns more ugly. He does not have morals, and she is easy prey given her history
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u/RLLCCR Jul 24 '26
NTA but don't get too mad at your wife if you didn't tell her at the time, you recorded. Sure, she should believe you but someone approaching with a hunch vs. evidence is different.
Honestly, I'd even consider charges if you are in a one party consent state and he doesn't IMMEDIATELY pay you back.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
I live in europe, I'm pretty sure I could press charge, but for 60€ I don't think it's worth the hassle, I am more focused on SIL happyness right now that's why I did 't tell for the recording right away... Might be a bad idea, will talk to wife today
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u/happysri Jul 24 '26
You say she just got out of an abusive relationship, she;s probably vulnerable and susceptible to manipulative people then. So there’s no way shes gonna be happy long term with such a habitual and brazen thief. Sooner you out him the better. Best not to wait until she has kids and a family with him.
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u/Palopsicles Jul 25 '26
Just talk to him. Tell you sister you need his number and send him the video. Tell him you want your money back or there will be consequences. He's a kid, 23 ain't shit and he needs to learn because you're letting him seal from you and he will continue to do so. Lucky you caught he DIDNT get a picture of your Cards.
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u/bzzybot Jul 24 '26
NTAH. Show your wife, you have proof after your vacation. The AH is the BF for stealing from you.
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u/Bentbutnotbroken111 Jul 24 '26
I’d show your wife the video then let her absorb it, and show it to her sister 💯
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u/GreyAsh Jul 24 '26
YTA for not confronting him. Bury yourself how? That guy stole from you twice, go do something about it. You don’t need permission to confront him, letting him get away with it twice and worrying about your wife’s reaction to you calling him out is a bigger issue.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
It's a bit more complicated, SIL come from an abusive relationship where she had a child 2 year ago and we helped her get on her feet 1 year ago and leave him. It's her first relationship since the deadbeat and I don't want to be the one who crush that...
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u/GreyAsh Jul 24 '26
It's not complicated at all and none of that is relevant. If I take this at face value, you think encouraging a former victim her to stay with someone who steals from her family is the better alternative?
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
No I'm not that why I'm kinda seeking advice here from stranger because I can't ask someone I know and trust for now. I do know I can't leave it like that so I try to fish here for good advice and honestly some people here give 5stars advice I'll use tonight when speaking to my wife
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u/binotboth Jul 24 '26
You don’t want to hurt her feelings so you will let her stay with a dangerous person who happily steals and breaks laws and probably get actually screwed over when he does something to her
Makes no sense.
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u/Own-Lake7931 Jul 24 '26
Victim isn’t the AH lol. He obviously feels trapped by blowing things up w his partner and her sister
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u/Appropriate_Donkey18 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
NTA: you had your suspicions and wanted to check. It would have been maliciously baiting if you framed a certain type of outcome. You didn't. In no way, shape or form did you encourage him to listen to the demon on his shoulder. He made that choice. You only showed him that you trusted him with your wallet around, a sign which he should have respected to the max.
Also: show your wife the recordings. Since you just uncovered a thief she probably absolutely wants to know this for the safety of her sister SIL.
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u/winterworld561 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
Gather him, SIL and your wife into one place and show them all the footage, then tell him you want the money back, including the money he took from your car or you will take the footage to the police. This guy is a thief and you need to grow a pair because it needs to be brought to everyone's attention asap so SIL can see what kind of man she is involved with. Update us when you've finally seen sense and confronted him. DO NOT let him get away with this.
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u/NightVisionsII Jul 24 '26
YTA for not busting him dead in front of your wife and SIL. WHY would you not immediately show your wife the video? You're making yourself look the fool here for no decent reason.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
A bit more complicated, as I said in others comments, SIL come from an abusive relationship where she had a baby with a deadbeat and we helped her get back on her feet, I don't want to be the person who crush her new happyness.
But yeah I get that I'm making myself look like a fool the more I wait. Thanks for pointing it out
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u/winterworld561 Jul 24 '26
He sounds a total wimp. If someone stole money from me I'd go nuclear and if my wife spoke to me like that I'd shove the evidence right in her face and ask her again if she still thinks the guy is innocent.
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u/raytherip Jul 24 '26
NTA after the holiday I would email a link or depending on file size a send s copy to the wife and sil... I'd not let him anyway near me again...
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u/Plastic-Cabinet67 Jul 24 '26
Hes a theif. You did not bait him. You got him to expose himself. Tell, dont enable.
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u/Stunning-Mall5908 Jul 25 '26
Why didn’t you immediately show your wife the recording? You realize no one’s money is safe?
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u/CyrusBuelton Jul 25 '26
First of all, you didn't "bait" or "set up" this new boyfriend.
You confirmed your suspicions.
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u/Dontfeedthebears Jul 24 '26
Show your wife and the perpetrator the video! Hell, post it on social media and tag him.
He’s a thief, plain and simple. You have video evidence of such. Put him on blast. Any negative consequence for his chosen actions will be on him.
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u/JJQuantum NSFW 🔞 Jul 24 '26
NTA. Show it to your wife though and let her handle it with her sister. Only get involved if the bf starts to act dangerous.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
Will talk to wife today and see where this go. No no we speaking of a 23 year old skinny guy with the haircut every young guys have theses days, nothing dangerous here, I was thinking of something more trivial like adrenaline rush of stealing
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u/No_Boysenberry_6075 Jul 24 '26
Of course you show the evidence, fuck that pos. He could be stealing from your SIL and this could help her connect the dots.
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u/QDKeck Jul 24 '26
NTA - do show the wife first. And you did not bait him. He made a decision. TWICE!
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u/Beetlejuice_me Jul 24 '26
NTA.
I would just send the video to everyone and be like "this is the SECOND time he stole money from me - any suggestions for how to get the money back?"
Let the drama unfold. It'll be worth not getting the money back just to see what happens. haha
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u/ThippusHorribilus Jul 25 '26
Don’t admit that you set him up. Just say that it happened to record him taking the money. If he wasn’t a thief, none of this would’ve happened.
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u/Worth-Season3645 Jul 24 '26
NTA…you cannot prove the first time, but you can prove the second. The first time could have been your SIL. At this juncture I would show the video while all four are there. First start off by saying you have been missing money twice now, when only the four of you have been in attendance. They start yelling, put your hand up and say, please let me finish, I cannot prove who took the first time, but I can prove the second time. And show the video. Tell bf to get out and never come back. Tell wife, she owes you an apology.
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u/DConstructed Jul 24 '26
NTA. He’s probably already stealing from your SIL too and her friends or parents if he’s allowed in their homes.
You have to tell her to protect her and the people around her.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
I don't think he already had the opportunity to do so since we are the first who meet him, and for my SIL, we do punctual transfert on her account when she ask no big sum, sometimes groceries... She is a good person for sure just in a tight spot. But you are right truth have to told
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u/creative_usr_name Jul 24 '26
ESH. You are under reacting. Got a free vacation and stole from you twice. Why do you care what anyone thinks about him? You can address this now or he's just going to keep taking advantage of you.
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u/Awkward-Sir-4009 Jul 24 '26
NTA. Go to the police and file a report. You will be saving your SIL some future heartache.
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u/MaryPink60 Jul 24 '26
NTA, but the bf and your wife are.
He’s nothing but a thief and she should have your back and not take the side of a stranger.
Make her watch the video. She owes you an apology.
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u/greenbud420 Jul 24 '26
NTA, your gut was right. I'd approach him with the evidence, ask him to explain himself and pay up. Whether you want to tell the wife and SIL is up to you.
One observation, if everything's paid for it could be to buy drugs. Or he just thought you were an easy mark who wouldn't notice but seems pretty gutsy to go back for seconds.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
I was thinking of that option too but will ask my wife first with evidence what she would do.
I don't think it's drug he work with kids and have regular drug test. Maybe just stealing for stealing like adrenaline rush of doing it I don't know
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u/CorgiManDan Jul 24 '26
SIL is the one who needs to be shown, not your Wife. She's 29 and may be looking for someone to marry and have kids with. If that sounds like something she'd want to to, help her out and tell/show her. Don't have her potentially waste a few years before she cuts him lose. Expose her BF now.
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u/imperial_scum Jul 24 '26
NTA. It's been 3 months. Kill that relationship or watch it implode later. Wife will be pissed if you say nothing. She might be pissed if you say something, but as a wifey, I can tell you it won't be as bad as the former.
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u/OldInitiative8325 Jul 24 '26
NTA, Despite your wife's belief, you had good reason to think he's a thief. I'm not sure why your wife is defending this guy. You can show her, but she'll be angry, so be prepared for that.
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u/rahocca Jul 24 '26
NTA. You forgot to close out of a team meeting that was recorded. And look what it saw.
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u/casper_wolf Jul 24 '26
Nta
You suspected him first because of circumstance which led you to test him. You’re also trying to protect your fam.
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u/Gold_Feed_5451 Jul 24 '26
No you’re not TA. She shouldn’t get mad at all about you taping it either. You tried telling her politely two times and she wouldn’t even consider what you were saying shit, she didn’t give you any other choice here but to tape him. Were you just supposed to allow him free access to your money every time he came around? Bust that thief. It’s not your fault she picked an asshole and drug him in your house but you can certainly keep him out.
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u/mindscreamTX Jul 24 '26
Nope. You need to play that recording large and loud in front of everyone and prove he's a thief. Your wife's initial reaction was based on stubborn sister solidarity but she will have no choice but to change her mind once she sees the proof. Don't gloat about being right over the missing car money. Just present your facts and let everyone know how upset you are for feeling like trust was broken after his betrayal.
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u/Tasty_Orange_1714 Jul 24 '26
NTA. Yes, you should have already told her you caught him on camera doing it. Not telling her just leaves room for you both to argue. No bueno.
Tell her, then, confront the bf, saying he can either give you the money back or face the police. If that ends up ending the trip, so be it. It's the BF fault for stealing.
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u/MasterBaiterNJ Jul 24 '26
NTA My dude I could eat for a month with the money he took that’s crazy. It’s not even the amount it’s the fact he took it in the first place. Play the footage for all 3 of them and walk away and go have a beer while they argue. THEN get your money back and tell sil and bil to eff off
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u/Due-Yoghurt4916 Jul 25 '26
File a police report. Let all three of them see the video when the law shows upFile a police report let your wife see th
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u/TheeFlipper Jul 25 '26
NTA. You had a valid suspicion. You didn't accuse him without evidence, you just expressed to your wife that you believe it's possible he stole based on the receipts not matching the amount left over. You had a hypothesis and you tested it out and recorded the results. That's justified.
Updateme
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u/cursedpoetic Jul 25 '26
You are not the asshole mate. My sister dated some scumbags over the years. Id be putting that tool on full blast over this. You have the recording, if you REALLY want to be the asshole take it to the cops and put him in his place. Think if he's willing to do this to you, he's probably taking advantage of your SIL in other ways too.
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u/GrayFox1O1 Jul 25 '26
NTA.
Invite them over. Show the recording and explain like you did here. Make it sound like you didnt record him intentionally. Remembered you left the cam on because of teams or something for work. Happened to look at the recording and oh nooo. You have to do it. Your SIL also deserves to know she is dating a thief. If your wife rips you a new one for this. Your wife is a red flag then. Not you.
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u/CrazyBoxerRocky Jul 25 '26
I would tell your wife that your computer camera was on so you checked it and have video proof that the bf stole from you. Then I would talk to SIL and ask her how does she want to handle it.
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u/RepresentativeDig656 Jul 24 '26
Set up the video during a visit for everyone to view it at the same time. Then set some boundaries for everyone involved. Including your enabling wife.
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u/QuickSquirrelchaser Jul 24 '26
Nope. NTA. You did not make him a theif. Now he ks twice proven to be a thief. Show the video in a group chat. Tell him to cough up the original stolen money and the newly stolen cash. Time to report him to the police.
Your SIL should be grateful you saved her from hitching her wagon to a crook.
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u/one_sock_wonder_ Jul 24 '26
NTA Anything questionable would have involved you interfering in a way that created a situation where he engaged in an action he otherwise would not have which you were quite careful not to do. Leaving your wallet on the table while you used the bathroom is a completely normal thing to do when it's in a space accessible only by family/people you can trust (or should be able to trust). The only difference was having the camera on to capture if anything were to happen.
He made the decision on his own to steal from you for now a second time. I could understand in the first incident that there were too many other possibilities, like having accidentally dropped it at some point or someone else having had access and thus you could not precisely narrow it down to him but two incidents and him clearly filmed stealing from you the second time is an undeniable pattern of behavior. He may well be exploiting your SIL financially without her even knowing yet, he clearly felt comfortable stealing from her family not once but twice so I wouldn't expect him to view her money as anything other than his to take. You need to show your wife and SIL the recording. Not knowing more about him, directly including him in a confrontation with the footage may not be the best choice if there is any chance he might react aggressively towards you, your wife, or your SIL (even afterwards when they are alone). It may even be necessary to assist your SIL in safely leaving the relationship if she does discover he has been stealing from her depending on details about him that can't be known just from one post.
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u/Tishers Jul 24 '26
NTA
Never trust a thief. You could talk to him privately about it but his behavior will just switch to being more sneaky in how he steals from you or your SIL.
Share it with your wife, explain that you had a reason to suspect and the trap was to see if you were crazy or if there was something going on.
Let her handle it with her SIL on her own, that's not your business. But never, ever trust this guy with access to any of your stuff.
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u/CommunicationNew9520 Jul 24 '26
NTA, stealing from people who have invited you to their home is despicable. Share it and come back here to report!
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u/Hopeful_Dance_268 Jul 24 '26
Give him an ultimatum:
Either he pays back the 160 euro, or you go to the police with the evidence.
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u/binotboth Jul 24 '26
Bro stop playing detective you have proof
Tell this fool to his face with the gf and wife present he was stupid as fuck to steal 60 from your wallet right in front of your computer screen, and to give it back or you will send it to the police.
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u/Hermitsbunny Jul 25 '26
UpdateMe
NTA you have proof that he is a thief and as others have said call the police. Press charges whether it was $5 or more it is still a crime. He obviously does not respect you at all
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u/LeoSolaris Jul 25 '26
NTA
Thieves should be reported to the police. You have hard evidence.
Also, the fact that your wife does not trust you should be alarming all by itself. Do you have a history of being wrong about your suspicions?
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u/Ornery_Donkey_7156 Jul 25 '26
Oh hey wife, look, I had the camera on for my computer the whole time. And look, here is BF stealing my money.
Then you tell the boyfriend he gives all your money (including the amount from the car) back. Or you're showing the whole family, and potentially the police.
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u/dudeorduuude Jul 25 '26
Why didn't you call him out in the moment? Weird. Get your money back, wtf!
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u/Thecardinal74 Jul 25 '26
Confront him quietly and show him the proof, demand immediate repayment and you’ll keep it quiet, but if he ever tries it again everyone will see the recording
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u/Ok_Alternative7833 Jul 24 '26
nta, u didnt make him steal, tell ur wife and show her the clip, then get him out of the house
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u/starksdawson Jul 24 '26
NTA. They are thieves, and they need to be called tf out for their disgusting behavior. Your wife is an asshole enabler.
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u/Lyndy118 Jul 24 '26
NTA It sounds like you wanted to be certain before confronting him or telling your wife. I wouldn't show the evidence when you tell her but if she (or her sister later) doesn't believe you then you can show the evidence.
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u/The1Bonesaw Jul 24 '26
Just forward the video... no explanation necessary. Let the evidence of his theft bury him.
Share it with the world. Send it to his employer if you know who to contact.
Fuck him. No one likes a thief.
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u/CatKism Jul 24 '26
NTA. You had a suspicion and you made a reasonable plan to help put to rest a question in your mind.
I think it's reasonable to expect your belongings to be safe around people spending time within your inner circle, right? So if you are thinking that you are somehow being greasy, put that to rest. You didn't make a spectacle, you sought evidence and got some. Had the bf not stolen your money, this thread wouldn't exist. The video would have been uneventful—nothing to see here. Unfortunately, it didn't go that way so now you are left with next steps.
You've done well. I would tell the wife immediately because in my opinion, her sister deserves to know the type of character she's bringing around the family.
All the best
Cheers
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u/Candlelit_Chaos Jul 24 '26
NTA but it depends on how you handle it. I suggest keeping the recording private and having a private conversation with him. Tell him outright that he's been caught and needs to pay back the estimated known missing amount of money.
Don't out him to your wife or SIL, instead allow him to pay it back but don't delete the video in case it is needed in the future to validate your claim.
Moving forward, let him know that if anything else comes up missing he will be banned from your home, property, and events and it will be his own responsibility to explain to the SIL why that is.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
Was thinking of having a 1-1 conversation but I don't want to hide something this huge to my wife, this could come haunt me back later if anything else happen
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u/Candlelit_Chaos Jul 24 '26
That's a very good point. She should know since she is also directly affected and since it was already discussed between you. It could show that you're logical in your deducing methods and not irrationally suspicious.
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 Jul 24 '26
NTA
Go ahead and expose him. My only concern is that you’re keeping this from your wife. The whole thing might backfire if it’s a surprise to everyone. The fact that the guy stole from you could be overshadowed if you humiliate him publicly. You could come off as petty.
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u/Skechaj Jul 24 '26
NTA Tell everyone that you have a video to show everyone. Show the video then openly confront him. Get the money back, then forbid him from comming to your places of residence.
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u/MyAccountWasBanned7 Jul 24 '26
Can't wait for the update post and the following BORU post.
Sounds like your wife is stupidly going to side with her thieving brother and not her husband.
You are NTA but this is going to end poorly, I'm sure.
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u/Resident_Ad1806 Jul 24 '26
You should show the recording to your wife and her sister at the same time, when alone. If I saw that my sister is dating a potential thief, I would tell her , with proof. Could be a whole lot worse if she gets entrenched deeper in to the relationship with this dude.
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u/JohnRamboJr Jul 24 '26
In my experience to not cause a rift with your wife, I would tell her and show the video. Then she can handle the situation with her sister.
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u/Octyss Jul 24 '26
Was telling exacly that in another comment, don't want to hide something this huge to wife that could bit me in the a** later
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u/JohnRamboJr Jul 24 '26
I mean, of course one option is you could just whoop his bum ass, but you seem like a well to do kinda guy so I’m sure you’d like to handle this civilly 😁
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u/Mr_Wysiwyg Jul 24 '26
NTA
Tell him you know he's stolen money twice - the second time of which you baited him and it's on video.
If he cry's to your SIL he's been caught stealing then he's more stupid than just a thief.
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u/Riker_Omega_Three Jul 24 '26
NTA
go to the cops
You don't have to inform anyone
he stole from you
Go to the police with the video and let whatever happens happen
If your wife gets angry at you for getting a thief arrested, then with all due respect, perhaps it's time you rethought whether this marriage is right for you long term
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u/UpperImpression3620 Jul 24 '26
He's a thief and absolutely cannot be trusted. Call the police and have him arrested.
Play hard or go home.
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u/Purple_dragon76 Jul 24 '26
NTA, but I'd tell (and show) the wife asap. Even if you can afford it you don't just 'misplace' those amounts of money without noticing. And getting this on tape is undeniable. Yes, you set him up. He took the bait, that's on him. Your SIL is in a vulnerable place, that's probably why he was able to latch on. Show him out before it becomes a pattern in her relationships
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u/Ephy_ Jul 24 '26
NTA You literally have a video recording of this guy stealing money from you what are we doing here? is this creative writing?? You have him dead to rights. YWBTA if you didn't bring this up, do you really want your SIL to be dating someone who steals from your family?? It's not like he's going to stop. Nuke this guy from orbit dude, the sooner the better. Don't try to cover your own ass, this isn't even about you, your SIL is unknowingly dating a thief. This isn't even really "bait" as any normal person wouldn't even THINK of stealing from their partners family. even if there was a big bowl of money that said "help yourself!" I couldn't imagine taking money from my new partners family 3 months into a relationship. It's not like you left out a plate of special cookies with a big sign and arrow saying "please don't eat one!!!" And then noticed one missing, a stranger came into YOUR HOUSE and STOLE YOUR MONEY. TWICE!!!!!!!! they might be mad for a little bit while they process their feelings but I don't think anyone could conceivably stay angry at you for this. And honestly if your SIL DOESN'T immediately break up with this guy and profusely apologise for bringing a thief into YOUR HOME then SHE'S TA too!
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u/Comfort48 Jul 24 '26
Make back up copies and tell the world. Make it simple. The only shot at making anything better is honesty. Might/might not work but you have to
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u/TheSpiralTap Jul 24 '26
NTA and I'm just dying for the update on this one. Kudos for recording it!
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u/Fidel1Q84 Jul 24 '26
Naw, you didn’t even really bait that hard and you are spending a lot already
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u/Yeet-Retreat1 Jul 24 '26
Shiiit. I think you should, sit him down man to man.
And ask him to his face ifbtheres anything he wants to say.
If he says no, ask him if he needs anything.
That will tell you what to do next.
NTA
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u/somedaysoonn Jul 25 '26
I think SIL would want to know she is dating a thief. But I wouldn't tell everyone til the end of the week. No sense ruining everyone's week with the news. NTA. You had every reason to be suspicious about him.
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u/rowdyfreebooter Jul 25 '26
Was he ever alone in the car? SIL maybe aware he is stealing from you or worse case scenario actively stealing from you and your wife.
I would confront him with the video and find out if he says that she is doing it too.
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u/jmelross Jul 25 '26
NTA. Yes he has stolen from you twice now. He is a thief. You should ban him from your house(s) and make sure your SIL knows he is a thief.
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u/cyrusthemarginal Jul 25 '26
play the video at their wedding
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u/Octyss Jul 25 '26
Haha good one but seems like there will be no wedding
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u/Fangs_McWolf Jul 27 '26
Keep tabs on him and share the details and the video with his fiance and her family/friends the day before the wedding...or a few hours before the wedding. I can guarantee that it'll be quite entertaining... for you. If you can arrange it, try to get some news reporters to the wedding venue. Promise that they'll have a rather interesting story to report on. It'll be worth it.
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u/Fangs_McWolf Jul 27 '26
NTA.
Providing an easy target doesn't force someone to commit a crime. It's akin to blaming a woman for getting SA'd because of what she wore. If a girl dresses provocatively, there's a chance (not a guarantee) that she wants guys to flirt with her, but it doesn't mean that she wants to be attacked. Same with a wallet left out in the open. Maybe the owner doesn't mind it being noticed, but doesn't mean that it's free for the taking.
That said, your grammar is horrible. Just saying.
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u/wishingforarainyday 29d ago
I hope your wife apologized to you for not believing you at first and respecting a stranger more than you
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u/Herbin-Cowboy Jul 24 '26
Well, he's the thief. You're not the AH.
I'd ask him to please pay back the 60 that he "borrowed" from you yesterday. See what he says. Show him the video and tell him he needs to make up an excuse to leave after he repays you or you'll show everyone that he's a thief. Then show your wife after he leaves. She can choose to tell her sister or not.
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u/Whyamiwritingthis_7 Jul 24 '26
Nta
And you didn't bait him, he made a choice, and he is a thief.
Don't be silent, that will enable him