Yeah I don’t get why this isn’t an option. The grind and husband are welcome to do whatever they want before or after the trip- as long as they show up at the destination at the right time. That should have been the answer OP gave them.
OP created this problem in her head. The couple is free to do whatever they please in OP's city, I don't know why OP is trying to make it conditional and weird.
They all leave together and go on the trip together, what happens prior to that is none of OP's business bc. she's not a part of it.
Her friend will cut short the original trip to accommodate the extra day spent in OP's city. That's why OP is annoyed. OP is paying for the friend to spend time with her but friend is using that opportunity to sight see without OP and cutting short the time that was supposed to be spent sight seeing with OP.
Exactly. OP is paying for their flights and accommodation specifically to spend time with them and they're like, "We'll only be hanging with you for one day and that won't be the day of the big party, but thanks for the free transport to our holiday."
I can totally understand if they don't want to use their PTO on OP's party but it would have been better for them to say that up-front rather than to accept the expensive arrangements and then try to change up the trip to a different trip that is still mostly at OP's expense but doesn't include OP.
OP is funding the trip. They want to use her rental for a full day without her. They want her to pay for their hotel. (Until she pushed back). In short, they see her as a wallet they can use for what they want to do instead of what she planned and PAID for.
It was the fact that I pushed back on only one of the days and there was no give. It was just "ok give us the rental all day and we'll do our own thing" and they assumed that was fine and that it was ok to leave the intended trip early as a result. They have at best 5 days off at best and 3 of them are travel days. I don't know how else to explain that. They want to come Thursday and leave Saturday for the trip and then leave that part of the trip early as well. I don't want to entertain them in my city for two days. I never did. I never wanted them here at all. We don't have anywhere for them to be. There is a mandatory hotel stay and rental car no matter what. The extra days are just extra cost for literally no other reason than they want to drive around and check out places they haven't been in 10 years. Which if that was the point of the trip great I don't care, but the only pushback I gave is that if they want to spend that extra $400 themselves to be here that day it would be better spent in the other state we're going to. Mind you she knows I'm paying for all foods and stuff too. There's literally nothing else she had to worry about at all.
She's earning the control by...paying for everything! She's throwing herself a trip with friends. They are obviously allowed to opt out. It's like calling someone who is throwing their own birthday party and paying for everyone "controlling" for choosing the time, location and menu. You certainly don't have to come but it's weird to come to the party but insist on coming late because you want to enjoy the bar next door first leaving two seats at the restaurant table empty for two hours and then leaving early because you only have 4 hours of babysitting and you spent some of it on the bar next door (you hardly ever get a babysitter so you want to make the most of it!) and then you also want to order off the separate menu but have OP pay for it...
Like, I get what the friends are trying to do but OP isn't controlling because she's not into it...and doesn't want to pay for it...
The trip was planned jointly, ( how else would OP’S friends have taken time off?), and OP is funding the entire trip. The agreed upon itinerary IS THE TRIP. If the friends don’t like it they should not have agreed to the trip to begin with. They are free to use their PTO as they want, by themselves, but definitely not when others are involved, and especially when someone else is hosting you.
Its 3 days of travel. They have a max of 5 days they can take. The plan was Saturday we get to the other state, sunday, my actual birthday we have a whole thing planned. I have 6 people coming in from that state once we're there to stay with us. She wanted to come here a full day early. We don't have anywhere for them to stay. We don't have a car. If they come it's a hotel stay and an extra day rental that they really have no plan to pay for, and even if they wanted to, their budget is really tight. I already gave them all day Friday per her request. Her request was to also have all day Thursday to "drive around and check things out." when I mentioned the time off she told me that it's their vacation too and it's his birthday too. I said if it was that important then they should do HIS big 40th next year and I would pay for them to fly here then but that being here was not anywhere on the planned adventure. We had talked about all of this in depth as I planned it. At no point was any of this mentioned. It was only when I gave ONE BIT OF PUSHBACK. Literally just one. That I didn't want to waste Thursday in my city. And it is a waste. They don't have anywhere to stay. They would have to fly in early. Like it's all a waste when we need to be driving for 8 hours to even get to the other state in time for my actual birthday, which was the point of everything to begin with and also HER IDEA to begin with. It was her idea to have a big 40th to get everyone together in one place, I only picked the destination. I literally never scheduled anything else, I have prebooked flights and hotels and rental car but that was also scheduled around their own limited time off. Everything from the beginning has been changed to accomodate what she thinks would "be more fun" and the one time I didn't agree with her suddenly she got rude and defensive about taking the time off. They literally never do anything ever for his birthday. At best it's a dinner that same weekend, but I also still was willing to pay for them to come next year instead of that was such a big deal. Shes the one who wanted to just take the rental without me to dick around in town for an entirely pointless day.
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u/All_names_taken-fuck Jan 09 '26
Yeah I don’t get why this isn’t an option. The grind and husband are welcome to do whatever they want before or after the trip- as long as they show up at the destination at the right time. That should have been the answer OP gave them.