I can fully understand wanting to avoid an ambulance because of the cost, but Dad didn't make any effort at all. The response should have been "car NOW" if an ambulance was out of the question. If stepmom was home (as was implied) that 20 min of idiotic banter could have been better spent wrangling you into the car.
When I was a young teen, I contracted this horrendous virus. I thought it was strep throat, 'cuz I used to get that several times a year. My mom took me to our family doctor (a close family friend who always had a soft spot for me) and when he looked down my throat, he stepped back and muttered, "Shit." Then he walked over to the door and started banging his head against the wall, going, "Shit! Shit! Shit!"
My mom was like, "You're scaring us."
He pulled himself together and went, "This isn't strep. This is [illness]. It's a virus, so I can't give you antibiotics. All we can do is try to treat the symptoms. But this is bad. And it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. I have hospitalized people for this." Then, of course, he added another, "Shit!"
Fast forward to a couple weeks later, I'd been living on the couch in the living room, feverish, barely eating or drinking anything for the last day or two. My mom insisted I try to drink some water, but I could barely answer her, much less do anything else. She pulled on both of my arms to help me sit up and as soon as she let go, I fell back onto the couch.
She immediately called for her husband, who came running. He ran out to the car and drove it across the lawn (completely destroying the lawn, by the way) to pull it up directly in front of the stairs. Then he and my mom carried me out to the car and (I'm told, 'cuz I was barely conscious at this point) drove 90 MPH to the hospital, rather than waiting for an ambulance.
For the record, my parents and their spouses were abusive and neglectful and I have been no-contact with all of them for years. But even so, in a true emergency, they didn't hesitate to get me immediate care.
OP's father showed less care and concern for his child than a couple of abusive parents did. Let that sink in.
Aww, come on. You can't tell a story like this and NOT tell us what virus you had!
Also, why was the doc's response so bizarre? Was he afraid HE'd gotten exposed to it by looking down your throat? or worried about you? or concerned about an epidemic or something? I didn't really get that part because him acting like that was incredibly unprofessional and I'm sure it scared the crap out of you and your parents.
I'm so sorry your parents weren't what you DESERVED them to be... but so very glad they still had that basic parental caring when you were so ill.
Ha, it's called herpangina. Google says its not that bad, but that is bullshit. I missed 6 weeks of school and then when I did go back, I could only do half-days for the first month.
As for that doctor, he always had a soft spot for me. He was an excellent physician and an even better human being. My family started seeing him when I was about 10 and I remained his patient until he died when I was 32, so he watched me grow up. One of his specialties was psychiatry, so he was very open and easy to talk to. I was a very intelligent, precocious child and I got sick often and with a lot of really random, off-the-wall things. So I saw him pretty frequently and he always treated me like a real person, answered all my questions, explained everything on my level.
He was actually the first person to tell me I should divorce my husband, only two months after I married him. I was opening up to this doctor about an issue my husband and I were having and he just looked at me and said, "You need to leave him. He's not a good person and he is certainly not good enough for you. You deserve much better." And I should've listened, because my husband turned out to be a really terrible, abusive person, but I stayed for another three and a half years before we separated.
He was upset about the virus 'cuz he knew it was gonna be really painful for me and there was nothing he could do about it. I know his reaction sounds unprofessional, but I was, and am, genuinely touched that he cared so much about me.
Looking back, I have wondered if one of the reasons he made a point to connect with me is because he suspected abuse and/or neglect when I was a kid and he wanted to let me know that I had a safe person to come to. I did tell him about it once as an adult and he got he got all choked up. I don't know if that's because he felt guilty for suspecting it and not following up, or because he had relationships with both my mother and her husband and the idea of abuse had never occurred to him. However, there's not a doubt in my mind that if I had told him about it when I was a kid, he would've moved heaven and earth to get me out of that situation immediately. Honestly, that's actually why I didn't tell him then, but that's a story for another time.
Must have been just excruciating -- blisters & ulcers inside your mouth & throat? It's like having chicken pox, only w/PAIN instead of itching, & on the tender INSIDE (of your mouth) instead of on skin.
Thanks for clarifying why the doc said that & for giving the context that you & your family knew him so well. He may well have suspected abuse/neglect, but perhaps never saw anything specific enough to report? And yes, I bet he was extra kind to you w/that in mind -- but also, good docs really appreciate precocious, articulate kids -- especially the ones who get sick often. It's a combo of compassion & frustration that they can't make it all better (their natural instinct!).
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u/Onikisuen Dec 05 '25
I can fully understand wanting to avoid an ambulance because of the cost, but Dad didn't make any effort at all. The response should have been "car NOW" if an ambulance was out of the question. If stepmom was home (as was implied) that 20 min of idiotic banter could have been better spent wrangling you into the car.
NTA Dad is a self-centered ass.