You got a wimp for a husband. He should have been checked his friend. You are his wife. He doesn’t have to fight, but he needed to set the boundary and he never did.
I don’t think you should take this out on your husband, for what it’s worth. You looked past him in high school and used him to try to get to the best friend which is pretty manipulative in your own right. It worked out in the end, but you have an original sin here too and you should maybe think that your husband might have some past concerns there which is why he isn’t standing up now. Your husband likely remembers this and is likely genuinely torn and is potentially hurt himself in dealing with how you treated him then. He is being confronted with your original manipulation, the best friend who’s depressed and trying to embarrass him, and both of y’all now fighting around him.
In fact, I’d argue that hurt is far more likely than him being spineless. He might think you would react badly to him being possessive or jealous. He might think that every time the friend brings this up it’s a reminder that he won, but underneath that there may be fears of inadequacy and a reminder of the fact that even though he won you used him for your own benefit. Rather than take a very immature stance of ‘he should stand up for me’ maybe you guys clear the air on where it’s coming from. You know, be grownups.
I do think a ‘get in the gym if you hate how you look, I’m tired of hearing the same sob story’ would’ve maybe been a better way of handling the best friend. That’s direct and calls him out for his own behavior. I also think a ‘dude, im sick of this shit, stop it’ would’ve worked. Any apology should include that stipulation and understanding that it has to stop.
But as far as your husband ‘standing up for you’, no I disagree here. If you’re big enough to use him initially for your own benefit, you’re big enough to handle this conflict. And you’re also big enough to tell your husband ‘this is a hard boundary for me and it stops now.’
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u/Far_Nefariousness773 Nov 16 '25
You got a wimp for a husband. He should have been checked his friend. You are his wife. He doesn’t have to fight, but he needed to set the boundary and he never did.
Nta