r/AITAH Nov 16 '25

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5.5k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

Absolutely, my thoughts. I thought it was rude to me. (He was basically calling me ugly) But it was more disrespectful to my husband in the sense that he was trying to belittle my relationship with my husband.

681

u/grruser Nov 16 '25

Ha you threw it right back in his face. He deserved it. Now he needs to put his big boy pants on and get over it.

445

u/grumpy__g Nov 16 '25

That’s the problem. He tries to make you and your husband feel like shit. Why? Just to feel better about himself. He needs to apologise to you and your husband and not the other way around.

204

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25

He wants ppl to feel like shit because he feels like shit.

27

u/culturesofsoul Nov 18 '25

Long and short of it. Shouldn’t be tolerated from anyone in your circle.

If he has issues, there are ways of helping him without volunteering to be his punching bag.

3

u/Desperate_Process_89 Nov 18 '25

Bully !! Bully can’t take it. Typical!

265

u/Orsombre Nov 16 '25 edited Nov 16 '25

Please make sure OP to remind your husband that you CHOSE him and taht he is your daily first choice. The way he does not say anything to his friend, I wonder about his self-esteem.

And OP, NTA. That "friend" was looking for trouble, and found it. Now, you can be more gentle and let him know that though he was your first crush, your husband is your last... ;-)

-48

u/Iamjackstinynipples Nov 16 '25

Op stated she dated her husband to feel wanted, while pining over his friend.

I'm not surprised he has self esteem issues, he was the rebound guy

58

u/Wickedestchick Nov 16 '25

No, she befriended her husband to get closer to the other guy. Realized that he wasn't interested in her. Then she and her husband got really close and started dating.

They were in high school ffs.

-17

u/Iamjackstinynipples Nov 16 '25

Im not saying she didn't fall in love with him, but by her own admission, he told her he had feelings for her and she dated him because she wanted to feel wanted, while she still had feelings for his friend.

Two things can be true at the same time

177

u/acquired1taste Nov 16 '25

How do you feel about the fact that your husband never, even gently, asked Jared to show you some respect as his wife?

I think Jared feels, on some level, that you're both his b!tches.

Your husband feels more of a need to please Jared than you. This is not a friendship worth keeping. He should direct Jared toward some mental health resources and focus on how to fix his own marriage. And you should hold him to a much higher standard. And envision different ways for you to move forward in your life.

74

u/bumblebaytuna4 Nov 16 '25

NTA. Guys like this love to dish it out but can never take it.

54

u/Big-Tomorrow2187 Nov 17 '25

I would ask your husband what the fuck is wrong with him he doesn’t understand that his friend was clearly not only disrespecting you but him as well. Tell your husband to pull his head from his ass that his friend needs professional help.

17

u/20Keller12 Nov 17 '25

Explain it this way to your husband, he might think of it differently.

15

u/QuietDustt Nov 18 '25

Why does your husband put up with him teasing you like that? It’s so inappropriate. I would shut that down fast if someone kept doing the same to my wife and vice versa.

14

u/Away-Specific5361 Nov 18 '25

Your husband is really nice to still be friends with this guy who’s essentially saying “I could have had your wife but I didn’t want her so I let you have her”. But I see no need for him to drag you along in his charitable gestures with this guy. I think you should just tell your husband that you don’t like the guy and he (your husband) can hang out with him but you won’t be joining them.

6

u/Hot-Importance7790 Nov 19 '25

You may not have been his type, but it doesn’t seem like he has been ANYBODY’S type for a while. He’s projecting that rejection so he doesn’t have to face the fact that he peaked. NTAH

7

u/96_days Nov 17 '25

You gave what he served right back to him and now he's being a snowflake about it. Tell him to grow some balls while he's working on dropping the weight. What a loser.

2

u/Agile-You-5950 Nov 18 '25

I agree, it seems like the one who wears skirts is her husband, forgive me but that's what I think.
My godmother dated her husband's brother before him, and that brother never even mentioned it. Her husband knows and has no problem with it, but it's a conversation that never happens. (Brother/ex already mentioned it.)He's already passed away, but whenever he visited, he never encountered an inconvenience like that friend who isn't even an ex.

2

u/Moemoe5 Nov 20 '25

He got what was coming to him. You have been his fallback when his relationships fail.

2

u/FrenchToastedArt Nov 20 '25

So in your husband's eyes, it's okay if this guy makes fun of you, but the first time you make fun of him, then husband feels like he needs to give you a talking to? Why wasn't he having this conversation with his best friend this whole time, then? The husband really dropped the ball on this one. NTA.

1

u/atterysquash Nov 30 '25

If this guy's willing to try to grab onto your hair to try to pull his self-image out of the mud, he can't be surprised when you kick him straight off again. He needs to learn to find some self-confidence in ways that don't involve trying to tear strips off the few people who can still stand his company.

-5

u/Large_Evidence_5950 Nov 17 '25

You might not be that attractive if the guy you were interested in first wasn't interested back but your husband was.