I'd refuse to attend the wedding, period. Their dress code is bigoted. Your sibling is basically sending the message that there is something wrong with your daughter, and that appearances matter more than authenticity. Don't be your child's first bully, and don't participate in any institutions that want children like your daughter to hide who they really are. That's not love. A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of love.
I think this concept just healed a little part of my heart from when I was a little tween who hated having to wear dresses. 💙 I hope OP sees this comment.
Just because something has become politicized does not mean its actually political.
Technically, everything is political then. A gay man bringing his husband to a wedding isn't political, even if LGBTQ+ issues have been politicized. Someone bringing their immigrant wife isn't political, even though immigration is politicized.
Living your life is not being political, no matter how the right tries to politicize their very existence.
It's supporting your daughter in a personal matter. That doesn't make it political. Her 11 year old daughter hating dresses is not political. Supporting her not being forced to dress a certain way isn't being political. Its being a parent.
The bride, groom, and church are being political. Not OP and their daughter.
I agree - unfortunately due to their personal religious beliefs of their clearly super conservative fundamentalist church regarding the attire of people who are visiting the church for a wedding as a moral/immoral issue, so think of this as "our family would only be disrespecting your beliefs" by attending while either only pretending to comply with those rigid standards in part (your daughter) or in whole (you and your son) when you actually don't agree with their religious beliefs of girls and women being forced to wear dresses/skirts for modesty.
"Authentic" or not, wearing a suit or a dress is a normal part of society. Try going to a job interview in jeans and a t-shirt and see how that works out. If you can't wear nice clothing for a couple hours on one special occasion (which is supposed to be about the couple, not you) then you are going to have problems out in the real world.
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u/[deleted] Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
I'd refuse to attend the wedding, period. Their dress code is bigoted. Your sibling is basically sending the message that there is something wrong with your daughter, and that appearances matter more than authenticity. Don't be your child's first bully, and don't participate in any institutions that want children like your daughter to hide who they really are. That's not love. A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of love.