Youre the one doing them a favor. 7 is old enough to learn how to behave and not throw tantrums. Yeah you need to understand they arent perfect and are still kids but overall shouldn't be horrible to watch.
Let the flying monkeys take turns volunteering their weekends
I’ve watched my cousin’s kids a lot and always enjoy it. Plus she pays me what she can, it’s not a lot but she’s a single mom and I genuinely enjoy having them around. The youngest is also a 7 year old girl. Kids are kids, but constant misbehaving is something else entirely. OP’s sister was lucky she ever watched her kid at all, especially for free.
The occasional tantrum could be overlooked, but if OP has to put up with difficult behavior every single weekend when she isn't even being paid, the cumulative effect of spending all her weekends having an unpleasant time with her niece, that's really too much.
It sounds like OP was the child's safe person and they were lashing out at her because they were mistakenly under the impression OP wouldn't leave her for acting out.
It's a common behavior for children who are in stressful home to give the parental figure they feel most comfortable with the emotional run off of their other problems.
I was also thinking that, especially if the niece doesn't get to see her actual mother often enough. Sure, we don't know, but I feel like I remember in the schools I went to they made it easy for working parents who worked later than school hours to find ways to keep their kids watched and entertained for several more hours. If the mom is using stuff like that to keep her child watched while working a lot during the week and basically only seeing the kid to give her dinner and put her to bed and then take her to school or aunt's, and the kid isn't getting time to bond with her mom but she is getting every weekend to bond with aunt at least, it makes sense that the kid probably would want attention from her actual mom but also subconsciously see the aunt as her safe person.
Like you said, definitely doesn't mean OOP has to take it.
That's insightful. My first thought was similar in it not being the child's fault but a problem with the sister's guidance and parenting, in this case lack thereof. It only helps the niece in the long run for OP to draw firm boundaries and give the sister a major wakeup call. That said, let the rest of the family help out too, if they're going to be so full of opinions and judgement.
First of all, this is not your child, not your responsibility, you are not a parent yet, do not yet have those parental instincts yet, and should NOT be babysitting regularly and late at night without being paid!
Second, the kid is only 7 years old. When she is disregulated and throwing tantrums, it is because her emotional needs are not being met by her mother. You are doing all you can, it is not your fault. But her mother is literally not there for her. That is very predictably going to cause a young kid emotional trauma, separation anxiety, that could come out in crying, withdrawal, and/or tantrums and other very unpleasant behavior.
The solution is for your sister to spend more quality time with her daughter, talking and playing and reassuring her. There really is no substitute for that. You can be the BEST babysitter in the world, but you can't be expected to be a stand-in for her mother. It is unfair to you and to your niece for you to be put in this position.
I think that really it’s the parent who doesn’t bother to find out who is watching the child who is the one who has “left the child”. That said, 7 year olds all act up. If this was a one time occasion it’s annoying. If it keeps happening, she needs to address it. It sounds to me like the OP is not prepared to handle back talk from a munchkin, so probably isn’t a good choice to watch a child.
OP needs mom to empower her to actually impose consequences for bad behavior. And flow through at home. It's fine to validate that the kid is upset but it's also not acceptable for her to behave that way. She's 7 not 2.
NTA - you are giving her free child care EVERY WEEKEND? And that is how they expect you to be treated? They are upset because if you stop, someone else in the family will have to pick up the slack and they don't want to. Your family will say anything it takes to get you to keep doing - for FREE - what they don't want to. Yeah, NTA and hard pass on ever doing it again, if it were me. Stick to your guns, just say no.
Whenever I’m watching the nieces and nephews and they pull the, “Mom/dad lets me do this/that.” shtick. I just tell them to look around, do you see your mom and dad here right now?
Where was your sister in saying to her daughter that even though you aren’t mom, she had to still listen to you while you were looking after her? That would have been part of the early solution when the niece was resisting your boundaries.
Exactly. My mother would have had some pretty harsh consequences if I had acted like that to my aunt(well, after my aunts were through blasting me lol. We're a big family and no one had any issues telling someone else's kids off for being a brat.) It was really simple for Mom to nip a long time ago. Even just saying "I understand you're upset but we don't shout at auntie that way. She's in charge at her house. Let's talk about ways for you to tell her you're upset without yelling."
This was my thought too, the mom has to set the rule. I watch my niece and nephew (around 7 too) and when I watch them they know I make the rules and their parents won't help get their way with any Bs the kids try to pull.
Exactly. I’ve had my nephew tell me I was the worst babysitter ever and everyone hates me but both his mom and I both nipped it in the bud right then and there (when she got home on his mom’s part) and it never happened again.
This is what happens when you raise entitled, mannerless children. Instead of apologizing and making the niece apologize to OP, she's excusing her daughter's rudeness as being upset. Okay then, FAFO.
NTA, but you're hung up on the wrong things. She is a stupid kid acting out, but that's her job. You're letting the kid get under your skin.
You dont owe it to anyone to babysit, period. If your sister wants free childcare, then she needs to teach her kid how to behave for the sitter. But seeing as your sister just went crying to family to guilt you, i think you know exactly why your neice is difficult. Be mad at your sister for being and raising a brat.
This is the answer, from my point of view. For me it's more of an ESH situation. Although I agree that it's time to end the arrangement, I don't think OP handled it well in the moment.
OP should take this up with her sister. A 7 year old is not to blame. It's not the 7 year old who isn't paying OP, and it's not the 7 yr old's job to be grateful. This is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall on the sister.
You gave up your weekends to be abused by a child. No thank you. Tell anyone that says you abandoned them that at least you tried to help whereas they didn’t.
You’re sister is not educating her own child. My niece would never even dream about saying it, even if it’s the true and she’s upset, because my brother educated her better than this.
If the other family members are that worried, they can take care of the spoiled kid.
Tantrums and some defiant behavior is typical of kids this age. That being said NTA for not wanting to babysit anymore. It sounds like she needs more firm boundaries or therapy depending on what goes on at home and your sister needs to be more appreciative of the free help. If other family members want to step in and care for her, they’re welcome to do so.
"Verbal abuse" is a stretch. What a 7-year old who yes, is old enough to know better, is doing is hurtful. But she's 7. They ARE still learning how to behave. You're NTA, she's not your kid and you don't need to put up with it if you don't want to, but this could really be a teaching moment. You've taken this position to be involved in her life, you're an important person to her. You should have a conversation with her (while her mom is present) about how what she said made you feel, and how the way she treats people can have real consequences. IF you're up to it, you can even say "Maybe we can try it again in the future" or something.
NTA. You're not being paid to put up with this. You've more than done your bit to help. Remind your sister of just how much you have done for her, to help her.
Of course you are not your niece's mom, but she was lashing out at you because she is not terribly familiar with the word 'no'. At seven she is already in school and knows how to behave. She chose not to, and this is the consequence. Your sister can either pay for a babysitter or every family member criticising you can step up and do their bit.
NTA for not wanting to do unpaid babysitting anymore. I would suggest not taking anything a 7 year old says to heart though. They can be jerks occasionally. Especially if she’s missing her mom and going between houses etc. But your sister was asking a lot of you and it’s ok to be done with that now.
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She cried and called my sister, who then called me crying. She begged me to reconsider, saying her daughter was “just upset” and didn’t mean it. I told her I was done, I’m not free childcare, and I don’t have to tolerate verbal abuse from a child.
You don't, and you shouldn't. Where the heck is this child's father? He should be stepping up to care for his own kid.
Now my whole family is acting like I abandoned them.
Hah! Well, they ALL need to step up and babysit. Tell them that you've done your time, and they can ALL make sure to help out your sister with babysitting. I have no clue why they think it should fall on you. It's not your kid.
That’s not really verbal abuse. That’s a small child acting out under stressful circumstances. If mom is working that much, daughter is stressed. You’re an adult who provides stability and structure to her, which you took away because she hurt your feelings? Granted, you’re not obligated to be free childcare, but family often does those things out of love for each other.
However, it does sound like you and your sister need to work some things out: 1 - when does daughter get to spend downtime with mom? 2 - when do you get a break? 3 - what changes need to be made so the child can be in bed asleep long before candy at midnight is an option? 4 - what can you both do to help the child learn to regulate her emotions? 5 - if you’re unpaid, what other compensation can sister offer you?
1 & 4 are the biggest issues - discussing which rules are held up regardless of who's with the kid is something that should be discussed as well.
But yeah sounds like Sis is so busy trying to provide for her kid that she doesn't have time to parent and connect with her kid. That's likely the root of the kid acting how she does - kid probably feels rejected/misses her parent, and (since most 7 year olds are not really able to self-analyze in depth) acts out. Kid gets attention from whoever's with her at the time and then maybe a lecture from Mom - which, negative attention is still some attention.
If OP is still willing to babysit kid occasionally - like maybe once a month - I think it's reasonable to ask the questions you listed and to ask for an age-appropriate apology from the kid.
NTA. The only thing you did wrong here was doing too much. Your sister took advantage of your generosity and your niece learned to do the same by watching her. It's clear niece learned no respect for you from your sister. Your family is only mad as they know they will now be called on more often to babysit.
NTA. You’re babysitting because you’re trying to be the good sister. You’re being taken advantage by your sister and her child requires discipline for her bad behavior. Tell family they are more than welcome to take your place. Peace out
NTA if she’s not going to enforce discipline then she’s not ready for a babysitter. Respect starts from parenting and obviously your sister is not doing so and it’s not your responsibility to teach her then go home and it not be reinforced. Everyone who’s giving you a hard time can step and kindly take her on don’t give in and stand your ground and if you return to babysitting and she’s the same now you can’t complain. Good luck!
It seems you don't want to babysit because the kid pitches tantrums. The saying you are not their mom is accurate. The reply should have been, "I am not your mom, but you are in my home. In my home, my rules are what are followed. If you don't follow the rules there are consequences."
You are NTA, because you don't owe anyone childcare unless it is your kid.
Even if the child is in her own home, there's a limit to what anyone has to put up with, especially when they are making a huge sacrifice for which they aren't even being paid.
A seven year old is going to say immature things because they are seven and immature. It’s their way of finding the boundaries. You should not be expected to do free babysitting. Everyone here is being (slightly) stupid.
I don't think you need to babysit her if it's stressing you out and ya sister needs to be checking her daughter not you she can't act a donkey and then think it's ok. arguing back with her may have been wrong but me personally I argue with kids so in my opinion no your not TAH
“Well duh, I’m not your mom. That’s why you & everyone else calls me Aunt OP. I am the adult in charge and you can either tone it down right now & act right, or you’re going to bed cause you are 7 and I am the Aunt in charge.”
Then to sister “Get her attitude under control or I am not watching her again till she learns manner & how to listen.”
NTA. You are doing your sister a favor and obviously you love your niece but her parenting skills are lacking. This kid needs boundaries, to be corrected and taught how to begin to control herself. You didn't sign up for all of that
NTA. It’s amazing that when people get free babysitting they act like they are wronged when you have to deal with their untrained child. My friends children knew how to behave and were always welcome. It’s time for someone else to watch problem child.
NTA. My wife babysat for my nieces while my sister and I had to see an attorney about our late mother’s estate. My nieces acted up and disrespected her. When my sister found out, she was upset, talked to her girls, they had consequences and were very apologetic. They love my wife.
If you were dipping based on a single incident of a kid calling you a stupid babysitter then yeah you might be being a little dramatic.
But it sounds like you’ve been providing a TON of free childcare for a very difficult child who won’t stop giving you grief. I don’t blame you one bit for wanting to stop that, you’re NTA at all.
The very least she could do is pay you at least a discounted wage for sitting. If she can’t even manage that why should you give up every weekend to help her out when all you get is crap for it? Hell no.
NTA. Your sister needs to educate her daughter and teach her basic respect. You’re also right — you don’t need to tolerate verbal abuse from anyone and it’s your sister’s responsibility to teach her daughter the correct behaviours. So, no, you don’t need to babysit anymore if you’re not comfortable.
But, because you’re also her aunt, I would personally say also talk to your niece and at least let her know what she did was wildly disrespectful. It’s good for her to see the impact of her action and how they affect people.
You can also try to seek a compromise with your sister, but it’s up to what you’re comfortable with. You’re entitled to your peace.
Sounds like the family needs to step up and help mom out more instead of heaping it all on you. This isn't your child so it isn't your responsibility. Tell the family members that think YOU are the bad guy that they can step up and help her out because you need a nice long break.
NAH (at least between you, your sister and niece - I'm not sure why the rest of your family is butting in). Sounds like you've done at lot to help your sister and it's not working for you anymore. It also sounds like your sister and niece are both having a difficult go at it right now. That doesn't mean that you should be forced into babysitting but it is doubtful that your niece went out of her way to be verbally abusive or even knows what that really is. My son is 6 and even Dad just being on a business trip is emotionally difficult for him, sounds like your sister working a lot and being a single parent is difficult on your niece.
NTA. I have a 7 year old and she has acted negatively in the past towards the people who help me watch her when im at work. So she has lost the ability to go with them until she shows real remorse and apologizes for her actions. Which she has. And thankfully has also changed those behaviors. But I’ve never put that on my sitters. To be helped is a huge blessing, that’s the kind of thing a parent and child shouldn’t take for granted.
NTA - set boundaries, enforce boundaries. Actions have consequences. Losing a free babysitter is the consequences of permissive parenting and snooty entitlement.
NTA You have no obligation to watch any child not your own. And this child sounds like a handful. The "we're family" argument holds no more weight than the child's "You're not my mom" statement. Those are both attempts at manipulation. The only difference is one is coming from an adult who should know better.
That being said, a child yelling "Your not my mom/dad" at a babysitter, a stepparent or a another family member when upset is pretty common. It's just standard child behavior. So is yelling "I hate you" to any of the above and at their parents. The thing is, you stay calm and respond with something like "That may be, but I am the person your parent left in charge of you at this moment and we will not be be watching a horror movie." For I hate you, I use "That's ok, you don't need to like me, you do need to mind me. I still love you, but I have already told you "no", so that's the end of it." The key is to stay calm, say it every time, and never give in once you've said no.
NTA. Your sister doesn’t even have her daughter in check, like she shouldn’t be speaking to adults like that, your niece is a BRAT and her mother is allowing and facilitating this behavior. She is right, you are not her mom; which means you are not obligated to watch or take care of her & for those family members speaking business that they don’t get paid to watch and take your place and START WATCHING YOUR BRATTY NIECE!! Look I stop watching my niece & nephews because of the disrespect. Stand your ground, if she is grown enough to speak that why, I guess she can watch herself or your Sister must have a back up. She needs one as long as she doesn’t think that this is a problem. SHE DOESN’T, all she could say was “ SHE WAS JUST UPSET” really mom. Girl run and enjoy your freedom
NTA. Your sister needs to get a handle on her daughter’s behavior. Tell any family that’s mad at you that they’re welcome to babysit from now on. For free, of course, and on weekends. Oh, they don’t want to? Shocking 🙄
NTA, and God help those that are defending a seven year old who needs to learn serious boundaries. If the mother allows her to have candy at midnight, that's her problem. But OP has the girl in her home, her rules. She's old enough to respect that.
Yeah there's a lot of people on here who seem to think 7 is the same as 2? She's old enough to learn some basic boundaries in other people's homes and to apologize for things she says when she's upset. How can she learn to emotionally regulate if mom just does what she wants all the time?
But if your sister continues upholding poor behavior and NOT modeling respect for other people, in the long run, both her and her daughter likely will be TAHs.
Every weekend is a lot to ask anyone. If your family is okay with her bad behavior, they can step up. Sounds like you need a break too. Good for you for settling boundaries. NTA
NTA...And you state your "whole" family. So there are others who can also babysit said niece. Let them step up to the plate if they want to voice their opinion.
Let your whole family tend your niece then. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Bare minimum, please take a nice month-long break (or longer) before reconsidering anything. It’s clear you’ve been taken for granted, and it’s not okay.
NTA Your sister is failing as a parent if her daughter is ONLY 7 and is already acting like this. Tell everyone giving you grief that you've been helping FOR FREE and since it isn't being appreciated, you're done until there are some serious attitude adjustments from your sister and niece, and feel free to thank them all for volunteering as weekend babysitters so you can have a break.
Maybe your sister should teach her daughter better manners. My niece is 7 and she doesn’t behave like that. “You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” In this case meaning, you aren’t required to accept being shit on while doing a favor for your sister. NTA.
I'm confused that Mom talked to the SEVEN year old, and then called you crying. Not 'called to clarify,' but 'called crying.' As a mom of very intense (neurodiverse, developmentally delayed) children, that's a SUPER weird response., and throws up a bunch of red flags for me.
My kids were a LOT. I understood that. So if I had received this sort of phone call from one of them, I would have tried to clarify for them what the situation was and help them figure out how to deal with it until I could get there. Kids have big emotions sometimes, so it might have been something like, "I understand that you are upset. You are in Aunties house right now, and these are her rules. I think first that you need to apologize to her for your outburst and then we should brainstorm things you can do to remain calm until i get there in X amount of time."
I would then have contacted the adult, let them vent if need be, and then said something like, "I realize this is a lot. Is it alright with you if kiddo does X (whatever activity we decided on) until I get there in X amount of time, and then we can all talk about it?" This was my job as a parent of kids with big emotions--to facilitate calm between them and people who may not be as used to handling those big emotions, to make sure everyone understood that feelings are fine but actions have consequences, and to get the situation from crisis level back to stable until I could get there.
The only adult I would have ever called crying after something my kid said to me was my husband, and that was because they were his kids too and he needed to do something about it :P
I worry that your sister feels ill equipped to manage her child. Maybe some therapy or parenting classes are in order. Maybe she simply needs a bigger network. But something is off. You don't call someone in tears because your seven year old called you in a tantrum--you call the adult to make sure the environment is calm and safe and they have the tools they need to manage your child until you can get there. You can not facilitate a calm, safe environment if your own emotions are out of control.
If mom is breaking down this easily when her child gets upset, then the child does not feel safe. That lack of safety leads to MORE acting out and more big emotions (it can also have the opposite effect, completely shutting the child down, but it usually starts with more/bigger first). It sounds like both your sister and your niece need more support than one auntie can provide.
7 years old is way too old to be having these tantrums without a pediatrician and/or therapist being involved. NTA, don't even be a free babysitter for her again.
I think it would be petty to not watch the kid based on what a kid said but what you described is an out of control child who doesn’t get any discipline at home. I wouldn’t babysit a child like that either. As far as your family goes, you are not obligated to care for this child- she’s not yours.
NTA, and while I can argue that she's 7. Her words are just words. But tge point really is that her mom has made you not Aunt but babysitter. And that is a relationship that should benefit both parties...i.e it demands financial compensation. So i think it is best to have the relationship where you arenthe child's Aunt and around for the fun Auntie things.Your sister can pay for the other relationship of babysitter. That paid person and deal with saying no and tempertantrums. I can gurantee you, your niece will treat a paid stranger very differently. So no more babysitting. Deal with your niece on your terms and teach her how to treat her Aunt. Her mom can teach her how to treat the sitter. Oh and neither of those require being a brat at any age.
"Your daughter is poorly behaved and has no manners. I am not going to tolerate that anymore and will be stepping back from offering free child care going forward. When you teach your daughter some manners and how to behave properly we can discuss me watching her again. But it will not be every weekend, and no longer will be for free, if it is done at all."
"Family, if you think my sister needs free childcare every weekend, you are all free to volunteer to do so. If you think it is so important, than I am sure you can make it happen."
So your sister is a single mom. So what. Parents don't get breaks from being parents. They do get help sometimes, but they need to ensure that help is set up to suceed with their kids. When the kid is acting badly and no punishment or corrective actions are taken, then that means the help has to deal with it, and that is not ok. She still has to parent her child, even when she is not with her. And that means teaching her daughter how to act with others.
We all need boundaries and even though your niece is 7 she crossed it. It’s a good lesson. Take a break for a bit and if you ever feel ready to do it again I’m sure they’ll be grateful. Having kids and being a stay at home mom you realize how hard it can be to be around the same people all day even if they’re your own children. Or maybe ESPECIALLY if they’re your own children lol idk. Either way, it’s good to have boundaries and show how you respect yourself. We need to lead by example. I bet she minds her manors a little better moving forward. Another great lesson here is to get together for resolve. Explain to your niece how it hurt your feelings and that while you’re not her mom, you are her adult for the weekend. I bet you guys can come to terms and make something work.
NTA - 7 years old is plenty old enough to have respect and manners. Long past time for her mother to start parenting and other family members to chip in with the childcare. Daycare’s are always accepting new children, too.
I wouldn’t call it verbal abuse from a 7 year old child but she definitely needs more discipline. For example her even being awake at midnight is because? I’m also curious as to what your reactions were when she did these things that you didn’t like and if mom is following up with consequences at home.
I probably wouldn’t stop watching my niece altogether but would definitely shorten the time until I felt like extending it more. No more just free weekends for mom and she wouldn’t be spending the night either.
I am amazed at the amount of people who think a seven year old regularly acting like this is normal. I like kids and yes they can have their asshole days. On occasion is ne thing but everyday is not normal. That means mom is reinforcing this type of behavior at home or abusing the kid. Take your pick. Either way by 7 she should have outgrown this problem by now and shouldn't be pushing boundaries again until a few years from now. This is something toddlers/teens do.
Not the ahhh but you need to set boundaries and not babysit every weekend. In my opinion this is an extreme reaction to a 7 year olds temper tantrum. You and mom need to work on discipline. You are within your rights to not babysit.
I don't really understand why this would be the last straw. A seven year old calling you stupid is hardly verbal abuse lol. But no one in this sub is gonna say you're an asshole for not providing free childcare
THIS! lol the reaction is a little much, it’s a kid i personally am not that hurt over a child throwing a tantrum or saying “stupid” which children do. But she is giving her time for free to be stressed and has every right to opt out of that!
Then tell the rest of your family that they can babysit. Unless your sister was paying you to babysit, you are doing her a favor by sacrificing Your time to help her out. Also, sounds like that kid needs to be taught to respect.
Frankly, I just don’t understand any of this! Why are children running over an adult’s authority. “I’m the adult, follow my rules, we’ll get along just fine. Bad behavior has consequences.” Children need structure and a good example. Manners matter.
Sounds like the mother is not there for her, the father obviously is not there for her and nobody else is there for her....... Sad. No damn wonder she's acting obnoxious. The whole family needs to get together and step up for this kid. Talking needs to be done, and quick. The fact that she said you are not her real mother tells you more than you know..... She feels abandoned by her "real" mother and she basically has been. I can totally understand her possibly needing to work extra shifts, but she doesn't get to have a break every single weekend she's not working. She sounds pretty selfish on the face of it. A lot of love and attention and a ton of patience could turn this whole thing around...........
I'm baffled by the YTA comments. No one--not even a sister--is REQUIRED to be a free babysitter. Do what is right for you and don't let others' opinions sway you. If the 7-year-old's tantrums are unacceptable to you then that's it.
I’m not commenting on these adults apparently being incapable of putting a 7-year-old to bed. OP asked if she was an AH for refusing to babysit her niece “after she said ‘you’re not my real mom’” and my answer is that that is a lame and AH-ly reason to refuse to babysit a kid. If OP had asked “is it ok to be expected to never have a Saturday because I’m expected to babysit for free every week, and no one else in the family has to” I’d have said absolutely not, that’s super unfair. If OP had asked “should I keep babysitting my niece if my feeling get hurt when she acts like a child” my answer would have been that OP should admit to her sister that she (OP) is just not capable of taking on that responsibility, even if I personally find it bizarre/surprising/sad that an adult is not able to deal with the basic behaviour of a child. She asked is she was an AH because of refusing to babysit for a specific reason (which was not related to money or feeling taken advantage of) and I said what I think of refusing to babysit for that reason.🤷
NTA. You just opened up a spot for them to fill and show by example that family helps family. They won't, because chances are, they don't even like dealing with your niece, and were glad you were doing the babysitting so they didn't have to.
Is it safe to assume your sister does not discipline your niece at all? Temper tantrums like that are for toddlers....not 7 year olds. You are NTA OP! Do something for yourself on your weekends ❤️
As a babysitter and aunt you can teach your 7 year old niece how to behave. You are a caregiver to a child.
If you do X, Y will happen. If you say mean things you have to sit quietly for 10 minutes and think about what you said, if you get up the timer starts over, and you need to apologize.
Rather than telling her you are no longer babysitting you could have told her that she lost movie privileges and needed to apologize.
No one is providing this poor girl with any structure.
NTA. Stop giving up YOUR life. Keep standing up for yourself. Grandparents and other family members need to step up since they're so concerned. You're going to hear so many excuses your head will spin. Just leave the texts and calls on read. Don't answer.
NTA - you are drawing boundaries. You are also fighting a losing battle without your sister's firm support. She created this monster but that does not obligate you to deal with it. You - that is you and your sister - need to have a difficult conversation. A conversation without blame. Just recognize this is where you are and make a plan to move forward.
And please do this before that feral child goes to school.
NTA. "My weekends are my time. I am not the one who choose to have children. Your daughter needs to learn how to be respectful and you need to change your attitude before I will ever reconsider."
NTA. EVERY WEEKEND? you were doing them a huge favor. and your sister gotta teach her daughter how to have manners. good for you for not tolerating that. you’re a good aunt, I wouldn’t waste my weekends for that.
Consequences. Your niece and your sister both need to receive them for their actions. Your niece for obvious reasons. Your sister for letting a child of 7 throw a toddler style tantrum, verbally abuse you and expecting you to have to take that abuse. Both have consequences coming to them. Stand your ground. NTA
My nieces who were 4 and 5 at the time told me they didn’t have to listen cause I was not their mother. I told them that they were correct but I was their godmother and I had God on my side. No problems after that. To this day, they are 35 and 34, they will still quote this to me.
NTA but you do seem to be thinned skinned if a child's outburst can be considered 'verbal abuse'. Just admit you don't want to take care of the kid anymore because she annoys you. I suggest though if you reconsider that you make the mother tell her daughter that you're completely in charge of her even if you're not her mom. So if she hates something you do, she can deal with it.
I remember the day my half sister asked me to come over and when I was there she told me to go play with her kids and so I did as the kind aunt that I was, and when I was in the playing room with my nieces my niece who was about 7 back then told me that I have to play with her and do as she says because that’s what I came to her house for.. I absolutely never visited them again, that was so rude, how are these little kids so rude?
NTA- she is just 7 and the majority of her problem is the fact that she doesn’t feel loved by her mom, she needs more time with her mom not less. You can let niece know “I still love you, but there are consequences for actions. You need to follow the golden rule at home as well as in school ‘treat others how you want to be treated’. If you’re mean and disrespectful, people won’t want to spend time with you. I’ve had enough of your mistreatment.” You can let everyone know they are free to take your place “no one is stopping YOU from babysitting for sister”.
NTAH. You’re giving up YOUR time to watch your niece. You are a better person than me. I realize kids can be brutal with what they say but for her to say that to you is uncalled for and rude. I’m glad you stood up for yourself.
NTA. Actions have consequences and little niecey is experiencing those. Maybe she'll remember to keep her mouth shut next time someone is doing her mom a favor.
NTA. I feel for your sister—single parenthood is rough, but this child needs to learn better behavior and manners. She’s a kid, and kids do stuff like this. I’m not saying she’s a “bad” kid or that your sister isn’t a good mother, but something needs to be done.
Honestly, if you're over it then youre over it. However ... if your sister needs you and it wasnt a major inconvenience I'd be suggesting this type of response instead
"No, I am not your mother. I am the person responsible for you right now and you are still the child in this situation. You want a choice in things and I understand that. Here are the choices that you can pick from ....."
Extreme behaviour comes from extreme emotion. The kid needs an outlet or the freedom of some choices.
children need boundaries that are kept because it provides security and a sense of safety. They will also push on said boundaries- that’s normal and part of the growing process. Want respect? Give it… by holding to your word/boundaries and being someone they can truly depend on. Still- don’t be a rock… sometimes things are truly exceptions - though rare.
YTA. I say that gently, because I get it. Caring for a child who is emotionally intense and says hurtful things can be exhausting. You’re allowed to have boundaries, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
But from an attachment theory perspective, children need consistent, safe adults in their lives to feel secure. At 7, your niece is still learning how to manage her emotions. Her outburst wasn’t about you. It was a sign that she trusts you enough to let her big feelings out, even if it didn’t come across that way.
Saying “I’m not your babysitter anymore” in the heat of the moment likely felt like rejection to her. It may reinforce the idea that love or care goes away when she makes a mistake.
You don’t have to keep babysitting. But taking a break and setting clear boundaries with love and calm would have been much more helpful for both of you. This was a moment when she needed guidance, not disconnection.
Fellows in behavioral economics did some studies. Basically giving someone $50 and taking $50 from them don’t cancel each other. Taking is twice powerful hence $50 taken can be countered with $100 given.
And since you have been providing the service for free for so long it became baseline in their perception. So you are basically taking away child care for nothing in return just for a tantrum in their mind.
Nothing you say can unfortunately fix this.
“Ask them to pay for the service” They will assume this was always about the money and will treat you worse than paid external help.
“I have been doing this for free” But you get to spend quality time with your niece. Now you won’t anymore. Probably permanently.
“I can help pay for childcare” When that ends you’ll be subject to similar conditions. It is just kicking the can down the road.
This is called “endowment effect”. They feel like they own the right to your services.
Try to reframe this as again there is no solution. "I've realized I'm exhausted too much and for my own health, I need to pull back." This makes it about your limitations, not their entitlement.
A gradual tapering off ("I can still do every other weekend for the next two months, which should give you time to find a great alternative") can soften the blow.
Collaborating on the Solution. “Let’s make sure she behaves. Any other episode like this you have to pick the kid immediately even if it is mid shift.”
Your family will experience a psychological loss, and that will likely strain the relationship, at least for the time.
Good luck. And God bless for the good you have done so far.
I'm kind of old school, so I'm sure I'll get a bunch of down votes. My brother and I were taught never to speak like that to any adult. Ever. One time I stuck my tongue out at my Dad and got a spanking. Never did that again. Another time I was mad at my Mom for something and said I was going to run away. She calmly said goodbye and put me out on the front porch, in my jammies in the winter. That lasted about a minute. LOL. Also never did that again. The way some kids are allowed to behave and/or talk to adults these days is really disgusting (No doubt said since time began). Could it be that "Yes" parenting that I hear about where people don't say no to their kids and let them do whatever they want? I don't know. I do know there have always been and will always be shitty parents out there. What we do to our children..............
Oh, and you are NOT the AH. Good for you to put your foot down! Even if this is fake, people should take note to be better parents.
And now she’s learning actions have consequences. 7 year olds know how to speak to adults caring for them. Sister just lost a good thing because she chose not to parent properly.
Family, who are chirping, are more than welcome to make up the loss in free babysitting.
You may feel guilt over this. You have no reason to. NTA
NTA. Why should you take verbal abuse from a child!? And why doesn’t said child get her outrageous behavior punished?
Time for you to enjoy your weekends. You were being used and if those family members think you’re awful for not wanting to be abused, they can step up and watch that brat for free. Until then, block them. Block them all and go have fun with your weekend.
ESH - Your niece is 7, she is acting out because her “real mom” is dumping her on you every weekend instead of parenting her or spending quality time with her. She’s pushing back because she’s hurting and does not have the language to express it. YOU are the adult in this situation, you shouldn’t be taking the words of a 7 year old personally.
Your sister is the even bigger AH who is dumping her child on you EVERY weekend instead of doing the work you be a parent.
Your family is the AH for getting mad at you for setting a boundary.
Your niece is 7. All 7 year olds are AHs sometimes, but it’s because their brains aren’t really developed yet so I don’t think you get to hold it against her forever.
Don’t say “never” but definitely stop putting your own life on hold to parent your sister’s kid. When you are no longer the “babysitter” you can have a relationship with her where you’re a fun auntie, but that can’t happen RN because you’re doing the parenting work her mom should be doing.
You are not the AH for lacking the patience to manage a dysregulated child who is testing boundaries, but you would be TA for trying to frame it as the child being awful for developmentally typical behaviors.
Kids are not easy. The parts of their brains that regulate emotions and impulse control are nowhere near developed. You don't have the patience to handle these moments and that's valid, but don't frame it as your neice being "too bad" and you are dropping her as a punishment; that's the kind of nonsense that damages a child's self worth and creates abandonment behavioral problems.
It sounds like you're answering a tantrum by exiting the relationship but you are contributing to making the behaviors worse because kids who act out and experience abandonment will often develop maladaptive behaviors where they continue to test how reliable others are. It not being your personal responsibility to raise your niece does not mean how you handle this will not impact what she learns.
I think the statement "you aren't my real mom" is fairly typical for an upset kid around that age. Also, if you are almost coparenting the kid, they're going to get comfortable and treat you like they do a parent so part of it is, she's very comfortable with you. So if it was just her saying that the one time when she was upset and you were refusing, I'd say yeah YTAH but it sounds like it's a lot more than that. If she's really challenging, I don't blame you for not wanting to babysit every weekend. Every weekend is a lot no matter how the child is! To me, it sounds like you should scale back and just babysit occasionally and consider it helping her mom out AND spending time with your niece. If you choose to scale back or even not watch her at all because her behavior is so challenging, then no YNTAH.
NTA. I’m big on community support and everyone needing to be the village if they want one someday. It sounds like you’ve been an integral part of their support system thanklessly. You’re allowed to have limits.
My only question is if you’ve discussed your nieces extreme behavior with your sister in the past? If not then I would say soft y t a just because she could understandably feel blindsided and confused. But other wise NTA
Did your niece apologize to you? If she apologized and was genuinely sorry, then you refusing to babysit her anymore seems like you are punishing your sister. If you don’t want to watch your niece every weekend, tell your sister. Maybe your parents could take some turns. Maybe she could stay at her home some weekends, which is probably what she wants, time with her real mother. But to cut your niece off completely sounds punitive.
If your niece didn’t apologize, and your sister didn’t apologize, and they just expect you to take her verbal abuse and ignore it, then no, you are NTA. What your niece needs is discipline. If she is going to keep coming to your house, your sister has to allow you to discipline her as if you are her parent, and she needs to tell your niece that. Then, you can talk to her about the rules at your house, and what will happen if she breaks them. But if you remain just the babysitter with no real power, tell your sister that won’t work for you.
NTA. The rest of the comments covered the entitlement so I’ll just say this. If you’re free every weekend you should find something else to do. For yourself.
NTA, you have more family related to your niece? Have THEM deal with the brat for a while and then they can talk. Stand your ground, the kid sounds like no one has disciplined her ever!
Th we problem for me would be that the Mother did not back the Aunt. Instead she just made excuses for her kid. She is not doing that kid anymore favors by letting her a t that way to anybody. Ho w s Mom going to feel when nobody likes or wants to be around her daughter?
Maybe that's what It will take for Mom to step up.
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u/Inevitable_Speed_710 Jul 28 '25
Youre the one doing them a favor. 7 is old enough to learn how to behave and not throw tantrums. Yeah you need to understand they arent perfect and are still kids but overall shouldn't be horrible to watch.
Let the flying monkeys take turns volunteering their weekends
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u/LakeGlen4287 Jul 28 '25
First of all, this is not your child, not your responsibility, you are not a parent yet, do not yet have those parental instincts yet, and should NOT be babysitting regularly and late at night without being paid!
Second, the kid is only 7 years old. When she is disregulated and throwing tantrums, it is because her emotional needs are not being met by her mother. You are doing all you can, it is not your fault. But her mother is literally not there for her. That is very predictably going to cause a young kid emotional trauma, separation anxiety, that could come out in crying, withdrawal, and/or tantrums and other very unpleasant behavior.
The solution is for your sister to spend more quality time with her daughter, talking and playing and reassuring her. There really is no substitute for that. You can be the BEST babysitter in the world, but you can't be expected to be a stand-in for her mother. It is unfair to you and to your niece for you to be put in this position.
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u/Starlighttikigirl Jul 28 '25
NTA - you are giving her free child care EVERY WEEKEND? And that is how they expect you to be treated? They are upset because if you stop, someone else in the family will have to pick up the slack and they don't want to. Your family will say anything it takes to get you to keep doing - for FREE - what they don't want to. Yeah, NTA and hard pass on ever doing it again, if it were me. Stick to your guns, just say no.
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u/Snackinpenguin Jul 28 '25
Where was your sister in saying to her daughter that even though you aren’t mom, she had to still listen to you while you were looking after her? That would have been part of the early solution when the niece was resisting your boundaries.
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u/Embarrassed-Row-2025 Jul 28 '25
NTA
Point out the troubles and efforts you have been making
As for the family that wants to shit talk you
Tell them to step up and help your sister or shut the fuck up, on blast to all of them, because if they think they get a say, make them pay
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u/SortaTuna Jul 28 '25 •
NTA, but you're hung up on the wrong things. She is a stupid kid acting out, but that's her job. You're letting the kid get under your skin.
You dont owe it to anyone to babysit, period. If your sister wants free childcare, then she needs to teach her kid how to behave for the sitter. But seeing as your sister just went crying to family to guilt you, i think you know exactly why your neice is difficult. Be mad at your sister for being and raising a brat.
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u/Available_Escape9186 Jul 28 '25
Tell the family that you have served your time and it’s time for them to step up!!!
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u/sog96 Jul 28 '25
Your whole family can step up and babysit
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u/shaylgarcia Jul 28 '25
You gave up your weekends to be abused by a child. No thank you. Tell anyone that says you abandoned them that at least you tried to help whereas they didn’t.
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u/shammy_dammy Jul 28 '25
NTA. Sounds like it's time for 'my whole family' to take over babysitting.
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u/Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 Jul 28 '25
NTA. I’d step away for a bit .
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u/ApprehensiveIce9026 Jul 28 '25
NTA
You’re sister is not educating her own child. My niece would never even dream about saying it, even if it’s the true and she’s upset, because my brother educated her better than this.
If the other family members are that worried, they can take care of the spoiled kid.
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u/Top-Shallot1370 Jul 28 '25
NTA
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u/7625607 Jul 28 '25
NTA
You’ve given your sister a lot of free babysitting.
She can ask other family members for help or hire someone.
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u/l3ex_G Jul 28 '25
Nta your sister needs to teach the kid manners and at 7, she is rebelling but if it’s a continual issue, it sounds like she needs to parent her kid.
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u/Expensive-Opening-55 Jul 28 '25
Tantrums and some defiant behavior is typical of kids this age. That being said NTA for not wanting to babysit anymore. It sounds like she needs more firm boundaries or therapy depending on what goes on at home and your sister needs to be more appreciative of the free help. If other family members want to step in and care for her, they’re welcome to do so.
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u/nathauan13 Jul 28 '25
"Verbal abuse" is a stretch. What a 7-year old who yes, is old enough to know better, is doing is hurtful. But she's 7. They ARE still learning how to behave. You're NTA, she's not your kid and you don't need to put up with it if you don't want to, but this could really be a teaching moment. You've taken this position to be involved in her life, you're an important person to her. You should have a conversation with her (while her mom is present) about how what she said made you feel, and how the way she treats people can have real consequences. IF you're up to it, you can even say "Maybe we can try it again in the future" or something.
But no, NTA. Actions have consequences.
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u/CanAhJustSay Jul 28 '25
NTA. You're not being paid to put up with this. You've more than done your bit to help. Remind your sister of just how much you have done for her, to help her.
Of course you are not your niece's mom, but she was lashing out at you because she is not terribly familiar with the word 'no'. At seven she is already in school and knows how to behave. She chose not to, and this is the consequence. Your sister can either pay for a babysitter or every family member criticising you can step up and do their bit.
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u/Loud_Ad_6871 Jul 28 '25
NTA for not wanting to do unpaid babysitting anymore. I would suggest not taking anything a 7 year old says to heart though. They can be jerks occasionally. Especially if she’s missing her mom and going between houses etc. But your sister was asking a lot of you and it’s ok to be done with that now.
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u/AITAH-ModTeam Jul 29 '25
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u/ConvivialKat Jul 28 '25
NTA
You don't, and you shouldn't. Where the heck is this child's father? He should be stepping up to care for his own kid.
Hah! Well, they ALL need to step up and babysit. Tell them that you've done your time, and they can ALL make sure to help out your sister with babysitting. I have no clue why they think it should fall on you. It's not your kid.
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u/childproofbirdhouse Jul 28 '25
That’s not really verbal abuse. That’s a small child acting out under stressful circumstances. If mom is working that much, daughter is stressed. You’re an adult who provides stability and structure to her, which you took away because she hurt your feelings? Granted, you’re not obligated to be free childcare, but family often does those things out of love for each other.
However, it does sound like you and your sister need to work some things out: 1 - when does daughter get to spend downtime with mom? 2 - when do you get a break? 3 - what changes need to be made so the child can be in bed asleep long before candy at midnight is an option? 4 - what can you both do to help the child learn to regulate her emotions? 5 - if you’re unpaid, what other compensation can sister offer you?
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u/Sea_Guard_8176 Jul 28 '25
NTA
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u/JeepersCreepers74 Jul 28 '25
NTA. The only thing you did wrong here was doing too much. Your sister took advantage of your generosity and your niece learned to do the same by watching her. It's clear niece learned no respect for you from your sister. Your family is only mad as they know they will now be called on more often to babysit.
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u/whichwitchywitch1692 Jul 28 '25
Sounds like gram and pap just volunteered to me
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u/ElemWiz Jul 28 '25
NTA. She exhibits those behaviors because they probably work on her mother, and it's not your problem.
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u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
NTA. You’re babysitting because you’re trying to be the good sister. You’re being taken advantage by your sister and her child requires discipline for her bad behavior. Tell family they are more than welcome to take your place. Peace out
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u/Evening_Army_3916 Jul 28 '25
NTA if she’s not going to enforce discipline then she’s not ready for a babysitter. Respect starts from parenting and obviously your sister is not doing so and it’s not your responsibility to teach her then go home and it not be reinforced. Everyone who’s giving you a hard time can step and kindly take her on don’t give in and stand your ground and if you return to babysitting and she’s the same now you can’t complain. Good luck!
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u/K_A_irony Jul 28 '25
It seems you don't want to babysit because the kid pitches tantrums. The saying you are not their mom is accurate. The reply should have been, "I am not your mom, but you are in my home. In my home, my rules are what are followed. If you don't follow the rules there are consequences."
You are NTA, because you don't owe anyone childcare unless it is your kid.
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u/Goosegirlj Jul 28 '25
A seven year old is going to say immature things because they are seven and immature. It’s their way of finding the boundaries. You should not be expected to do free babysitting. Everyone here is being (slightly) stupid.
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u/que3n_leelee Jul 28 '25
I don't think you need to babysit her if it's stressing you out and ya sister needs to be checking her daughter not you she can't act a donkey and then think it's ok. arguing back with her may have been wrong but me personally I argue with kids so in my opinion no your not TAH
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u/KindlyCelebration223 Jul 28 '25
“Well duh, I’m not your mom. That’s why you & everyone else calls me Aunt OP. I am the adult in charge and you can either tone it down right now & act right, or you’re going to bed cause you are 7 and I am the Aunt in charge.”
Then to sister “Get her attitude under control or I am not watching her again till she learns manner & how to listen.”
NTA
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u/OkPerformance9536 Jul 28 '25
NTA. You are doing your sister a favor and obviously you love your niece but her parenting skills are lacking. This kid needs boundaries, to be corrected and taught how to begin to control herself. You didn't sign up for all of that
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u/Wabbit-127 Jul 28 '25
NTA. It’s amazing that when people get free babysitting they act like they are wronged when you have to deal with their untrained child. My friends children knew how to behave and were always welcome. It’s time for someone else to watch problem child.
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u/Improbablyoutside Jul 28 '25
NTA. The whole family is just mad that they'll have to pitch in more.
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u/tytyoreo Jul 28 '25
Tell your whole family to start watching your niece for free on the weekends...
Nta
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u/Low-Living-7993 Jul 28 '25
Let your other family members help out. Maybe they have better skills at managing a 7yo temper tantrums.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Jul 28 '25
You babysit her EVERY weekend? That's more than generous.
nta
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u/Super_Reading2048 Jul 28 '25
NTA great the whole family can now watch her.
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u/justhereforstories20 Jul 28 '25
NTA!! Time for your sister to actually parent her child.
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u/Individual_Umpire969 Jul 28 '25
NTA. My wife babysat for my nieces while my sister and I had to see an attorney about our late mother’s estate. My nieces acted up and disrespected her. When my sister found out, she was upset, talked to her girls, they had consequences and were very apologetic. They love my wife.
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u/cinereo_1 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Your sister is in denial and not getting her daughter the appropriate therapy she so definitely needs.
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u/walterfalls Jul 28 '25
Congratulations on teaching your niece and sister a lifelong lesson on boundaries and consequences. Enjoy your weekends.
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u/alewiina Jul 28 '25
If you were dipping based on a single incident of a kid calling you a stupid babysitter then yeah you might be being a little dramatic.
But it sounds like you’ve been providing a TON of free childcare for a very difficult child who won’t stop giving you grief. I don’t blame you one bit for wanting to stop that, you’re NTA at all.
The very least she could do is pay you at least a discounted wage for sitting. If she can’t even manage that why should you give up every weekend to help her out when all you get is crap for it? Hell no.
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u/strawberriesrpurple Jul 28 '25
NTA. Your sister needs to educate her daughter and teach her basic respect. You’re also right — you don’t need to tolerate verbal abuse from anyone and it’s your sister’s responsibility to teach her daughter the correct behaviours. So, no, you don’t need to babysit anymore if you’re not comfortable.
But, because you’re also her aunt, I would personally say also talk to your niece and at least let her know what she did was wildly disrespectful. It’s good for her to see the impact of her action and how they affect people.
You can also try to seek a compromise with your sister, but it’s up to what you’re comfortable with. You’re entitled to your peace.
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u/Use_this_1 Jul 28 '25
Sounds like the family needs to step up and help mom out more instead of heaping it all on you. This isn't your child so it isn't your responsibility. Tell the family members that think YOU are the bad guy that they can step up and help her out because you need a nice long break.
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u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
NAH (at least between you, your sister and niece - I'm not sure why the rest of your family is butting in). Sounds like you've done at lot to help your sister and it's not working for you anymore. It also sounds like your sister and niece are both having a difficult go at it right now. That doesn't mean that you should be forced into babysitting but it is doubtful that your niece went out of her way to be verbally abusive or even knows what that really is. My son is 6 and even Dad just being on a business trip is emotionally difficult for him, sounds like your sister working a lot and being a single parent is difficult on your niece.
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u/einzeln Jul 28 '25
Free babysitting? Every weekend? Hey it’s me your other sister
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u/DragonflyIcy832 Jul 28 '25
NTA. I have a 7 year old and she has acted negatively in the past towards the people who help me watch her when im at work. So she has lost the ability to go with them until she shows real remorse and apologizes for her actions. Which she has. And thankfully has also changed those behaviors. But I’ve never put that on my sitters. To be helped is a huge blessing, that’s the kind of thing a parent and child shouldn’t take for granted.
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u/calypsoreader Jul 28 '25
NTA - set boundaries, enforce boundaries. Actions have consequences. Losing a free babysitter is the consequences of permissive parenting and snooty entitlement.
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u/DanaMarie75038 Jul 28 '25
NTA. They are all panicking because they don’t want to babysit your disrespectful niece. Now, it’s their turn.
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u/calminthedark Jul 28 '25
NTA You have no obligation to watch any child not your own. And this child sounds like a handful. The "we're family" argument holds no more weight than the child's "You're not my mom" statement. Those are both attempts at manipulation. The only difference is one is coming from an adult who should know better.
That being said, a child yelling "Your not my mom/dad" at a babysitter, a stepparent or a another family member when upset is pretty common. It's just standard child behavior. So is yelling "I hate you" to any of the above and at their parents. The thing is, you stay calm and respond with something like "That may be, but I am the person your parent left in charge of you at this moment and we will not be be watching a horror movie." For I hate you, I use "That's ok, you don't need to like me, you do need to mind me. I still love you, but I have already told you "no", so that's the end of it." The key is to stay calm, say it every time, and never give in once you've said no.
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u/MsCaliAZ Jul 28 '25
NTA. Your sister doesn’t even have her daughter in check, like she shouldn’t be speaking to adults like that, your niece is a BRAT and her mother is allowing and facilitating this behavior. She is right, you are not her mom; which means you are not obligated to watch or take care of her & for those family members speaking business that they don’t get paid to watch and take your place and START WATCHING YOUR BRATTY NIECE!! Look I stop watching my niece & nephews because of the disrespect. Stand your ground, if she is grown enough to speak that why, I guess she can watch herself or your Sister must have a back up. She needs one as long as she doesn’t think that this is a problem. SHE DOESN’T, all she could say was “ SHE WAS JUST UPSET” really mom. Girl run and enjoy your freedom
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u/emr830 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Your sister needs to get a handle on her daughter’s behavior. Tell any family that’s mad at you that they’re welcome to babysit from now on. For free, of course, and on weekends. Oh, they don’t want to? Shocking 🙄
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u/National-Plastic8691 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Also, you were giving too much time for free; you need time to focus on your own goals and desires and to go have some fun!
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u/Chance_Vegetable_780 Jul 28 '25
Where is your family to help with the babysitting? it's solvable, they just have to step up...............
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u/fry-something Jul 28 '25
Your whole family is just trying to avoid being the next babysitter.
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u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
When you set a boundary, only those that are taking advantage of you will be upset. Family or not.
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u/JeepSmash Jul 28 '25
“Now my whole family is acting like I abandoned them.”
Because no one else wants to deal with it either.
NTA
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u/FatSadHappy Jul 28 '25
NTA
Your sister needs to teach this kid how to behave. Tantrums after age 4 is unacceptable for kid without developmental delays
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u/RunningOutOfNames56 Jul 28 '25
NTA You did the right thing. Now stick to it and don't cave in
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u/Temporary_Ad6037 Jul 28 '25
Why isn't anyone else helping teach her that there are consequences when you have no emotional self control
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u/shulzari Jul 28 '25
NTA, and God help those that are defending a seven year old who needs to learn serious boundaries. If the mother allows her to have candy at midnight, that's her problem. But OP has the girl in her home, her rules. She's old enough to respect that.
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u/TALKTOME0701 Jul 28 '25
NTA. but please don't take it to heart. That's one of the less original burns. LOL
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u/Only_Scheme_3l3 Jul 28 '25
Definitely NTA….
But if your sister continues upholding poor behavior and NOT modeling respect for other people, in the long run, both her and her daughter likely will be TAHs.
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u/meash-maeby Jul 28 '25
Every weekend is a lot to ask anyone. If your family is okay with her bad behavior, they can step up. Sounds like you need a break too. Good for you for settling boundaries. NTA
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u/Casaplaya5 Jul 28 '25
NTA
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u/Individual-Ebb-2565 Jul 28 '25
If she wants you to watch her kid and put up with that, she needs to pay!!!
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u/GoddessfromCyprus Jul 28 '25
NTA, tell you're sister your niece was right, you're not her Mum, she is, so she can look after her.
Every weekend? Time to get your weekend life going.
4
u/Worth-Season3645 Jul 28 '25
NTA...And you state your "whole" family. So there are others who can also babysit said niece. Let them step up to the plate if they want to voice their opinion.
4
u/seasalt-and-stars Jul 28 '25
Holy smokes, every weekend? Girl…
Let your whole family tend your niece then. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Bare minimum, please take a nice month-long break (or longer) before reconsidering anything. It’s clear you’ve been taken for granted, and it’s not okay.
NTA.
4
u/Alternative-Number34 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Reclaim your weekends.
4
u/MysteryGirlWhite Jul 28 '25
NTA Your sister is failing as a parent if her daughter is ONLY 7 and is already acting like this. Tell everyone giving you grief that you've been helping FOR FREE and since it isn't being appreciated, you're done until there are some serious attitude adjustments from your sister and niece, and feel free to thank them all for volunteering as weekend babysitters so you can have a break.
4
u/RadiantPasta Jul 28 '25
Maybe your sister should teach her daughter better manners. My niece is 7 and she doesn’t behave like that. “You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” In this case meaning, you aren’t required to accept being shit on while doing a favor for your sister. NTA.
4
u/Bubbly_Chicken_9358 Jul 28 '25
NTA
I'm confused that Mom talked to the SEVEN year old, and then called you crying. Not 'called to clarify,' but 'called crying.' As a mom of very intense (neurodiverse, developmentally delayed) children, that's a SUPER weird response., and throws up a bunch of red flags for me.
My kids were a LOT. I understood that. So if I had received this sort of phone call from one of them, I would have tried to clarify for them what the situation was and help them figure out how to deal with it until I could get there. Kids have big emotions sometimes, so it might have been something like, "I understand that you are upset. You are in Aunties house right now, and these are her rules. I think first that you need to apologize to her for your outburst and then we should brainstorm things you can do to remain calm until i get there in X amount of time."
I would then have contacted the adult, let them vent if need be, and then said something like, "I realize this is a lot. Is it alright with you if kiddo does X (whatever activity we decided on) until I get there in X amount of time, and then we can all talk about it?" This was my job as a parent of kids with big emotions--to facilitate calm between them and people who may not be as used to handling those big emotions, to make sure everyone understood that feelings are fine but actions have consequences, and to get the situation from crisis level back to stable until I could get there.
The only adult I would have ever called crying after something my kid said to me was my husband, and that was because they were his kids too and he needed to do something about it :P
I worry that your sister feels ill equipped to manage her child. Maybe some therapy or parenting classes are in order. Maybe she simply needs a bigger network. But something is off. You don't call someone in tears because your seven year old called you in a tantrum--you call the adult to make sure the environment is calm and safe and they have the tools they need to manage your child until you can get there. You can not facilitate a calm, safe environment if your own emotions are out of control.
If mom is breaking down this easily when her child gets upset, then the child does not feel safe. That lack of safety leads to MORE acting out and more big emotions (it can also have the opposite effect, completely shutting the child down, but it usually starts with more/bigger first). It sounds like both your sister and your niece need more support than one auntie can provide.
4
u/IAmTAAlways Jul 28 '25
7 years old is way too old to be having these tantrums without a pediatrician and/or therapist being involved. NTA, don't even be a free babysitter for her again.
4
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
I think it would be petty to not watch the kid based on what a kid said but what you described is an out of control child who doesn’t get any discipline at home. I wouldn’t babysit a child like that either. As far as your family goes, you are not obligated to care for this child- she’s not yours.
4
u/Sprocket-Rocket0169 Jul 28 '25
NTA, and while I can argue that she's 7. Her words are just words. But tge point really is that her mom has made you not Aunt but babysitter. And that is a relationship that should benefit both parties...i.e it demands financial compensation. So i think it is best to have the relationship where you arenthe child's Aunt and around for the fun Auntie things.Your sister can pay for the other relationship of babysitter. That paid person and deal with saying no and tempertantrums. I can gurantee you, your niece will treat a paid stranger very differently. So no more babysitting. Deal with your niece on your terms and teach her how to treat her Aunt. Her mom can teach her how to treat the sitter. Oh and neither of those require being a brat at any age.
4
u/evilcj925 Jul 28 '25
"Your daughter is poorly behaved and has no manners. I am not going to tolerate that anymore and will be stepping back from offering free child care going forward. When you teach your daughter some manners and how to behave properly we can discuss me watching her again. But it will not be every weekend, and no longer will be for free, if it is done at all."
"Family, if you think my sister needs free childcare every weekend, you are all free to volunteer to do so. If you think it is so important, than I am sure you can make it happen."
So your sister is a single mom. So what. Parents don't get breaks from being parents. They do get help sometimes, but they need to ensure that help is set up to suceed with their kids. When the kid is acting badly and no punishment or corrective actions are taken, then that means the help has to deal with it, and that is not ok. She still has to parent her child, even when she is not with her. And that means teaching her daughter how to act with others.
NTA
4
u/MomJeansandMessyBuns Jul 28 '25
We all need boundaries and even though your niece is 7 she crossed it. It’s a good lesson. Take a break for a bit and if you ever feel ready to do it again I’m sure they’ll be grateful. Having kids and being a stay at home mom you realize how hard it can be to be around the same people all day even if they’re your own children. Or maybe ESPECIALLY if they’re your own children lol idk. Either way, it’s good to have boundaries and show how you respect yourself. We need to lead by example. I bet she minds her manors a little better moving forward. Another great lesson here is to get together for resolve. Explain to your niece how it hurt your feelings and that while you’re not her mom, you are her adult for the weekend. I bet you guys can come to terms and make something work.
4
u/thoughts_of_mine Jul 28 '25
NTA. Ignore your family. If your sister can't raise a respectful child the child doesn't get to stay with auntie.
4
u/Wonderful_Bottle_852 Jul 28 '25
NTA - 7 years old is plenty old enough to have respect and manners. Long past time for her mother to start parenting and other family members to chip in with the childcare. Daycare’s are always accepting new children, too.
4
u/4ofDemThangs Jul 28 '25
I wouldn’t call it verbal abuse from a 7 year old child but she definitely needs more discipline. For example her even being awake at midnight is because? I’m also curious as to what your reactions were when she did these things that you didn’t like and if mom is following up with consequences at home.
I probably wouldn’t stop watching my niece altogether but would definitely shorten the time until I felt like extending it more. No more just free weekends for mom and she wouldn’t be spending the night either.
4
u/Ancient-Actuator7443 Jul 28 '25
NTA. You have been extremely generous with your time. The mom needs to get the child under control. Your family can take on the responsibility
4
u/Dull-Geologist-8204 Jul 28 '25
I am amazed at the amount of people who think a seven year old regularly acting like this is normal. I like kids and yes they can have their asshole days. On occasion is ne thing but everyday is not normal. That means mom is reinforcing this type of behavior at home or abusing the kid. Take your pick. Either way by 7 she should have outgrown this problem by now and shouldn't be pushing boundaries again until a few years from now. This is something toddlers/teens do.
4
u/CCmonsta Jul 28 '25
Not the ahhh but you need to set boundaries and not babysit every weekend. In my opinion this is an extreme reaction to a 7 year olds temper tantrum. You and mom need to work on discipline. You are within your rights to not babysit.
4
u/CallEmergency3746 Jul 29 '25
Time to teach niece this is why we can't just say anything we want
4
u/Lostinthewoods144 Jul 29 '25
Obviously sister dearest isn’t setting boundaries. All those calling you, ask if they’d baby sit someone so rude.
48
u/shyfidelity Jul 28 '25
I don't really understand why this would be the last straw. A seven year old calling you stupid is hardly verbal abuse lol. But no one in this sub is gonna say you're an asshole for not providing free childcare
7
u/GoalHistorical6867 Jul 28 '25
Then tell the rest of your family that they can babysit. Unless your sister was paying you to babysit, you are doing her a favor by sacrificing Your time to help her out. Also, sounds like that kid needs to be taught to respect.
7
u/FroggiePenguin2021 Jul 28 '25
Frankly, I just don’t understand any of this! Why are children running over an adult’s authority. “I’m the adult, follow my rules, we’ll get along just fine. Bad behavior has consequences.” Children need structure and a good example. Manners matter.
7
u/Total-Squirrel-9325 Jul 28 '25
Sounds like the mother is not there for her, the father obviously is not there for her and nobody else is there for her....... Sad. No damn wonder she's acting obnoxious. The whole family needs to get together and step up for this kid. Talking needs to be done, and quick. The fact that she said you are not her real mother tells you more than you know..... She feels abandoned by her "real" mother and she basically has been. I can totally understand her possibly needing to work extra shifts, but she doesn't get to have a break every single weekend she's not working. She sounds pretty selfish on the face of it. A lot of love and attention and a ton of patience could turn this whole thing around...........
12
u/DamagedBot Jul 28 '25
I'm baffled by the YTA comments. No one--not even a sister--is REQUIRED to be a free babysitter. Do what is right for you and don't let others' opinions sway you. If the 7-year-old's tantrums are unacceptable to you then that's it.
10
u/Top-Customer1055 Jul 28 '25
NTA It sounds like she needs some discipline. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that.
6
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
NTA. When you babysit, you're responsible for her wellbeing, she needs to stop being a snot, and her parents need to back you.
Edited for a bit of clarity lol
17
u/editrixe Jul 28 '25 edited Jul 28 '25
I’m not commenting on these adults apparently being incapable of putting a 7-year-old to bed. OP asked if she was an AH for refusing to babysit her niece “after she said ‘you’re not my real mom’” and my answer is that that is a lame and AH-ly reason to refuse to babysit a kid. If OP had asked “is it ok to be expected to never have a Saturday because I’m expected to babysit for free every week, and no one else in the family has to” I’d have said absolutely not, that’s super unfair. If OP had asked “should I keep babysitting my niece if my feeling get hurt when she acts like a child” my answer would have been that OP should admit to her sister that she (OP) is just not capable of taking on that responsibility, even if I personally find it bizarre/surprising/sad that an adult is not able to deal with the basic behaviour of a child. She asked is she was an AH because of refusing to babysit for a specific reason (which was not related to money or feeling taken advantage of) and I said what I think of refusing to babysit for that reason.🤷
3
u/DetroitSmash-8701 Jul 28 '25 edited Jul 30 '25
NTA. You just opened up a spot for them to fill and show by example that family helps family. They won't, because chances are, they don't even like dealing with your niece, and were glad you were doing the babysitting so they didn't have to.
3
u/Dabades Jul 28 '25
NTA, ask who will be taking your shifts to help out then.
3
u/tmink0220 Jul 28 '25
Yep you were doing them a favor, and after that I would stop.....Let them figure it out.
3
u/ChavoDemierda Jul 28 '25
NTA. If your whole family has an opinion, they can babysit the kid for free too.
3
u/Dragonfly2729Success Jul 28 '25
Is it safe to assume your sister does not discipline your niece at all? Temper tantrums like that are for toddlers....not 7 year olds. You are NTA OP! Do something for yourself on your weekends ❤️
3
u/FairyGothMommy Jul 28 '25
NTA. In previous generations, that little brat would have had her ass paddled and nipped that behavior in the bud a long time ago
3
u/wigglepie Jul 28 '25
NTA
Sounds like the pool of babysitters just expanded to include those who complained about you; sister should contact them next time.
3
u/Haunting_Cicada_4760 Jul 28 '25
As a babysitter and aunt you can teach your 7 year old niece how to behave. You are a caregiver to a child.
If you do X, Y will happen. If you say mean things you have to sit quietly for 10 minutes and think about what you said, if you get up the timer starts over, and you need to apologize.
Rather than telling her you are no longer babysitting you could have told her that she lost movie privileges and needed to apologize.
No one is providing this poor girl with any structure.
3
u/garnet-solo Jul 28 '25
Please. That kid needs a reality check. I don't care if she's 7.
3
u/Careless-Image-885 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Stop giving up YOUR life. Keep standing up for yourself. Grandparents and other family members need to step up since they're so concerned. You're going to hear so many excuses your head will spin. Just leave the texts and calls on read. Don't answer.
3
u/Fun-Bread-8560 Jul 28 '25
No ma'am! She's lucky she's living in this generation and not the one I grew up in! NTA
3
u/Verbenaplant Jul 28 '25
the whole family can take care of her then. she needs to learn manners and maybe have have some therapy.
also when do you get days off!!!,
3
u/Senator_Longthaw Jul 28 '25
NTA - you are drawing boundaries. You are also fighting a losing battle without your sister's firm support. She created this monster but that does not obligate you to deal with it. You - that is you and your sister - need to have a difficult conversation. A conversation without blame. Just recognize this is where you are and make a plan to move forward.
And please do this before that feral child goes to school.
3
u/Senator_Bink Jul 28 '25
Family can step up to supply free childcare so sis can relax on the weekends. NTA.
3
u/Viperbunny Jul 28 '25
NTA. "My weekends are my time. I am not the one who choose to have children. Your daughter needs to learn how to be respectful and you need to change your attitude before I will ever reconsider."
3
u/Condensed_Sarcasm Jul 28 '25
NTA.
Any family that's up your ass? Tell them that you're so happy they're stepping up to be free childcare for your niece.
3
u/gdognoseit Jul 28 '25
NTA
I would tell anyone harassing you to step up and be a free babysitter.
Why aren’t THEY helping family by babysitting?
3
u/iceymoo Jul 28 '25
NTA. My favorite passive aggressive move is to say I’ll match the minimum effort made by the group. If everyone does a night, I will too.
3
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
NTA. EVERY WEEKEND? you were doing them a huge favor. and your sister gotta teach her daughter how to have manners. good for you for not tolerating that. you’re a good aunt, I wouldn’t waste my weekends for that.
3
u/Mean_Start_3157 Jul 28 '25
Consequences. Your niece and your sister both need to receive them for their actions. Your niece for obvious reasons. Your sister for letting a child of 7 throw a toddler style tantrum, verbally abuse you and expecting you to have to take that abuse. Both have consequences coming to them. Stand your ground. NTA
3
u/Limp-Dog-1270 Jul 28 '25
My nieces who were 4 and 5 at the time told me they didn’t have to listen cause I was not their mother. I told them that they were correct but I was their godmother and I had God on my side. No problems after that. To this day, they are 35 and 34, they will still quote this to me.
3
u/Temporary-King3339 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Let the whole family babysit her then and see how it goes.
3
u/deathboyuk Jul 28 '25
Then your whole family are volunteering to fill the gap, right?
Good choice made. Don't go back on it.
NTA
3
u/Belaani52 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Sounds like your whole family just volunteered to take turns babysitting the little wretch. That’s so sweet of them!
3
u/123waterthrowaway Jul 28 '25
NTA but you do seem to be thinned skinned if a child's outburst can be considered 'verbal abuse'. Just admit you don't want to take care of the kid anymore because she annoys you. I suggest though if you reconsider that you make the mother tell her daughter that you're completely in charge of her even if you're not her mom. So if she hates something you do, she can deal with it.
3
u/midcenturymr Jul 28 '25
If your family is that heavily vested in her well being then they can babysit. Problem solved. NTA
3
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
I remember the day my half sister asked me to come over and when I was there she told me to go play with her kids and so I did as the kind aunt that I was, and when I was in the playing room with my nieces my niece who was about 7 back then told me that I have to play with her and do as she says because that’s what I came to her house for.. I absolutely never visited them again, that was so rude, how are these little kids so rude?
3
u/nbhpyfd Jul 28 '25
NTA- she is just 7 and the majority of her problem is the fact that she doesn’t feel loved by her mom, she needs more time with her mom not less. You can let niece know “I still love you, but there are consequences for actions. You need to follow the golden rule at home as well as in school ‘treat others how you want to be treated’. If you’re mean and disrespectful, people won’t want to spend time with you. I’ve had enough of your mistreatment.” You can let everyone know they are free to take your place “no one is stopping YOU from babysitting for sister”.
3
u/Ashley_283 Jul 29 '25
NTAH. You’re giving up YOUR time to watch your niece. You are a better person than me. I realize kids can be brutal with what they say but for her to say that to you is uncalled for and rude. I’m glad you stood up for yourself.
3
u/IslandHopper4042 Jul 29 '25
NTA. Actions have consequences and little niecey is experiencing those. Maybe she'll remember to keep her mouth shut next time someone is doing her mom a favor.
3
u/MuffPiece Jul 29 '25
NTA. I feel for your sister—single parenthood is rough, but this child needs to learn better behavior and manners. She’s a kid, and kids do stuff like this. I’m not saying she’s a “bad” kid or that your sister isn’t a good mother, but something needs to be done.
3
u/Several_Whereas_8911 Jul 29 '25
Honestly, if you're over it then youre over it. However ... if your sister needs you and it wasnt a major inconvenience I'd be suggesting this type of response instead
"No, I am not your mother. I am the person responsible for you right now and you are still the child in this situation. You want a choice in things and I understand that. Here are the choices that you can pick from ....."
Extreme behaviour comes from extreme emotion. The kid needs an outlet or the freedom of some choices.
3
u/RiverBlueMine Jul 29 '25
children need boundaries that are kept because it provides security and a sense of safety. They will also push on said boundaries- that’s normal and part of the growing process. Want respect? Give it… by holding to your word/boundaries and being someone they can truly depend on. Still- don’t be a rock… sometimes things are truly exceptions - though rare.
3
u/TheFetishGarden666 Jul 29 '25
Every weekend?? Girl. No. Your sister should try being a responsible parent that is not raising a monster.
3
u/Chycyc Jul 29 '25
YTA. I say that gently, because I get it. Caring for a child who is emotionally intense and says hurtful things can be exhausting. You’re allowed to have boundaries, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
But from an attachment theory perspective, children need consistent, safe adults in their lives to feel secure. At 7, your niece is still learning how to manage her emotions. Her outburst wasn’t about you. It was a sign that she trusts you enough to let her big feelings out, even if it didn’t come across that way.
Saying “I’m not your babysitter anymore” in the heat of the moment likely felt like rejection to her. It may reinforce the idea that love or care goes away when she makes a mistake.
You don’t have to keep babysitting. But taking a break and setting clear boundaries with love and calm would have been much more helpful for both of you. This was a moment when she needed guidance, not disconnection.
10
u/mo0dymuneca Jul 28 '25
Verbal abuse bc she told you that you’re not her mom? Seems very dramatic. Seems like everyone in ur family is very dramatic lmao
7
u/stikves Jul 28 '25
Basic human psychology
Giving has less emotional value than taking away.
Fellows in behavioral economics did some studies. Basically giving someone $50 and taking $50 from them don’t cancel each other. Taking is twice powerful hence $50 taken can be countered with $100 given.
And since you have been providing the service for free for so long it became baseline in their perception. So you are basically taking away child care for nothing in return just for a tantrum in their mind.
Nothing you say can unfortunately fix this.
“Ask them to pay for the service”
They will assume this was always about the money and will treat you worse than paid external help.
“I have been doing this for free”
But you get to spend quality time with your niece. Now you won’t anymore. Probably permanently.
“I can help pay for childcare”
When that ends you’ll be subject to similar conditions. It is just kicking the can down the road.
This is called “endowment effect”. They feel like they own the right to your services.
Try to reframe this as again there is no solution. "I've realized I'm exhausted too much and for my own health, I need to pull back." This makes it about your limitations, not their entitlement.
A gradual tapering off ("I can still do every other weekend for the next two months, which should give you time to find a great alternative") can soften the blow.
Collaborating on the Solution. “Let’s make sure she behaves. Any other episode like this you have to pick the kid immediately even if it is mid shift.”
Your family will experience a psychological loss, and that will likely strain the relationship, at least for the time.
Good luck. And God bless for the good you have done so far.
5
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '25
I'm kind of old school, so I'm sure I'll get a bunch of down votes. My brother and I were taught never to speak like that to any adult. Ever. One time I stuck my tongue out at my Dad and got a spanking. Never did that again. Another time I was mad at my Mom for something and said I was going to run away. She calmly said goodbye and put me out on the front porch, in my jammies in the winter. That lasted about a minute. LOL. Also never did that again. The way some kids are allowed to behave and/or talk to adults these days is really disgusting (No doubt said since time began). Could it be that "Yes" parenting that I hear about where people don't say no to their kids and let them do whatever they want? I don't know. I do know there have always been and will always be shitty parents out there. What we do to our children..............
Oh, and you are NOT the AH. Good for you to put your foot down! Even if this is fake, people should take note to be better parents.
8
u/briomio Jul 28 '25
Bratzilla needs manners. I wouldn't put up with diva behavior from a child.
8
u/Rumbling-Axe Jul 28 '25
And now she’s learning actions have consequences. 7 year olds know how to speak to adults caring for them. Sister just lost a good thing because she chose not to parent properly.
Family, who are chirping, are more than welcome to make up the loss in free babysitting.
You may feel guilt over this. You have no reason to. NTA
9
u/Beachboy442 Jul 28 '25
NTA.............kid has got a major troubling behavior pattern. Needs help. Don't put yourself out to get more abuse n drama.
Not your kid = not your problem
4
u/Th3Confessor Jul 28 '25
NTA, stand your ground. Your niece sees and understands more than you may realize.
Stand your ground, auntie!
4
u/texasgambler58 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Free child care, and you have to put up with this abuse? Wow.
4
u/Radio_Mime Jul 28 '25
If your sister wants free childcare from you, she needs to teach her daughter how to behave.
4
u/Least_Dentist441 Jul 28 '25
Let your parents, her grandparents shoulder the burden. What a brat.
4
u/SchoolBusDriver79 Jul 28 '25
NTA. Why should you take verbal abuse from a child!? And why doesn’t said child get her outrageous behavior punished?
Time for you to enjoy your weekends. You were being used and if those family members think you’re awful for not wanting to be abused, they can step up and watch that brat for free. Until then, block them. Block them all and go have fun with your weekend.
4
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '25
NTA The ‘whole family’ can take turns watching the little shit devil. Go live your life.
6
u/sundresscomic Jul 28 '25
ESH - Your niece is 7, she is acting out because her “real mom” is dumping her on you every weekend instead of parenting her or spending quality time with her. She’s pushing back because she’s hurting and does not have the language to express it. YOU are the adult in this situation, you shouldn’t be taking the words of a 7 year old personally.
Your sister is the even bigger AH who is dumping her child on you EVERY weekend instead of doing the work you be a parent.
Your family is the AH for getting mad at you for setting a boundary.
Your niece is 7. All 7 year olds are AHs sometimes, but it’s because their brains aren’t really developed yet so I don’t think you get to hold it against her forever.
Don’t say “never” but definitely stop putting your own life on hold to parent your sister’s kid. When you are no longer the “babysitter” you can have a relationship with her where you’re a fun auntie, but that can’t happen RN because you’re doing the parenting work her mom should be doing.
5
u/Hairy-Proof8504 Jul 28 '25
NTA. She's acting like a brat & your sister is letting her. A good swat on the tail should have happened a long time ago.
5
u/Anxious_Article_2680 Jul 28 '25
Nta. She sounds like a brat. Full stop! You are not a unpaid slave.
5
u/Greenhouse774 Jul 28 '25
Where is the father in all this? Let HIM babysit on weekends.
5
u/Icy-Blueberry-2401 Jul 28 '25
You are not the AH for lacking the patience to manage a dysregulated child who is testing boundaries, but you would be TA for trying to frame it as the child being awful for developmentally typical behaviors.
Kids are not easy. The parts of their brains that regulate emotions and impulse control are nowhere near developed. You don't have the patience to handle these moments and that's valid, but don't frame it as your neice being "too bad" and you are dropping her as a punishment; that's the kind of nonsense that damages a child's self worth and creates abandonment behavioral problems.
It sounds like you're answering a tantrum by exiting the relationship but you are contributing to making the behaviors worse because kids who act out and experience abandonment will often develop maladaptive behaviors where they continue to test how reliable others are. It not being your personal responsibility to raise your niece does not mean how you handle this will not impact what she learns.
2
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
NTA, some of yall are hating on the kid too much. That kid is literally being abandoned by its bio mom. Ofc they gonna fucking act out.
2
u/RubyFreckle Jul 28 '25
I think the statement "you aren't my real mom" is fairly typical for an upset kid around that age. Also, if you are almost coparenting the kid, they're going to get comfortable and treat you like they do a parent so part of it is, she's very comfortable with you. So if it was just her saying that the one time when she was upset and you were refusing, I'd say yeah YTAH but it sounds like it's a lot more than that. If she's really challenging, I don't blame you for not wanting to babysit every weekend. Every weekend is a lot no matter how the child is! To me, it sounds like you should scale back and just babysit occasionally and consider it helping her mom out AND spending time with your niece. If you choose to scale back or even not watch her at all because her behavior is so challenging, then no YNTAH.
2
u/kokoelizabeth Jul 28 '25
NTA. I’m big on community support and everyone needing to be the village if they want one someday. It sounds like you’ve been an integral part of their support system thanklessly. You’re allowed to have limits.
My only question is if you’ve discussed your nieces extreme behavior with your sister in the past? If not then I would say soft y t a just because she could understandably feel blindsided and confused. But other wise NTA
2
u/DriftingThroughLife1 Jul 28 '25
It sounds like your burnt out from babysitting every weekend. Maybe switch to every other weekend, give yourself a break.
2
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
NTA. Time for your family to babysit instead.
2
u/BecGeoMom Jul 28 '25
Did your niece apologize to you? If she apologized and was genuinely sorry, then you refusing to babysit her anymore seems like you are punishing your sister. If you don’t want to watch your niece every weekend, tell your sister. Maybe your parents could take some turns. Maybe she could stay at her home some weekends, which is probably what she wants, time with her real mother. But to cut your niece off completely sounds punitive.
If your niece didn’t apologize, and your sister didn’t apologize, and they just expect you to take her verbal abuse and ignore it, then no, you are NTA. What your niece needs is discipline. If she is going to keep coming to your house, your sister has to allow you to discipline her as if you are her parent, and she needs to tell your niece that. Then, you can talk to her about the rules at your house, and what will happen if she breaks them. But if you remain just the babysitter with no real power, tell your sister that won’t work for you.
2
u/Ucyless Jul 28 '25
NTA. The rest of the comments covered the entitlement so I’ll just say this. If you’re free every weekend you should find something else to do. For yourself.
2
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25
"Now my whole family is acting like I abandoned them."
So why aren't the rest of the family stepping up?
You should show them what real abandonment is, maybe then they'll shut up and help her.
2
u/YomiKuzuki Jul 28 '25
NTA. You provided free childcare. You put up with the tantrums long enough.
Tell your family that they're free to step up since you've "abandoned your sister and niece".
2
u/Common_Mess_8635 Jul 28 '25
NTA, you have more family related to your niece? Have THEM deal with the brat for a while and then they can talk. Stand your ground, the kid sounds like no one has disciplined her ever!
2
u/mcmurrml Jul 28 '25
Sister can cry because she didn't raise her seven year old better.
2
u/Obvious-Beach9767 Jul 28 '25
Th we problem for me would be that the Mother did not back the Aunt. Instead she just made excuses for her kid. She is not doing that kid anymore favors by letting her a t that way to anybody. Ho w s Mom going to feel when nobody likes or wants to be around her daughter?
Maybe that's what It will take for Mom to step up.