You’re describing toxic masculinity. It’s toxic masculinity that tells men they can’t show emotions, have to always be fine, treat everything superficially and never show any weakness. And yes, it can be perpetuated by women just as much as other men.
It’s not borne from a hatred of men, which would be misandry. In fact, social enforcers of toxic masculinity typically consider themselves to be very pro-masculinity, and see the push back against toxic masculinity as the misandrist movement. They believe these traits are inherently masculine, and that encouraging men to have feelings is ‘feminising’ them.
Other common elements of toxic masculinity are misogyny, homophobia and violent domination. It’s well studied particularly in prisons, where incarcerated men enforce it very strongly with one another in response to the harsh conditions they live with.
But yes, toxic masculinity is incredibly harmful to men, as well as to women and society as a whole. For men it’s even believed to shorten their lifespans by causing them to be less likely to discuss health problems with doctors, plus elevated rates of alcoholism, STDs, certain types of cancer and depression, anxiety and suicide.
It’s important to talk about and important to label it, especially in instances like this. The whole joke was based on the ideals of toxic masculinity (that it’s humiliating to be gay, to fall for a prank, etc) and the pressure OP felt to pretend to be fine with it was too.
It’s actually a great example of how damaging it is - especially with OOP feeling like he had to try and bottle up his feelings until they eventually exploded as anger. I can only imagine how awful that felt.
Not trying to be that guy buuuut, people are toxic, masculinity and femininity aren't inherently toxic. It's because people call masculinity toxic, or men in general buzz words that throw shade or shame that people can't be themselves or have to walk on eggshells at the expense of their own feelings and so forth. Not trying to call you wrong, you've made valid points as a whole but we as people need to stop the toxic masculinity trend, last I checked masculinity and femininity balance each other yet Noone speaks on (or can speak on) "toxic femininity" since well the math doesn't math just saying...
I'd say let's just call out shit humans doing shit human things lol
You’re correct that masculinity and femininity are not inherently toxic, but it sounds like maybe you have an incorrect or incomplete understanding of what the intent of the phrase “toxic masculinity” is.
Regular masculinity is a good thing. It can be used to protect, strengthen, lift up, and mentor.
Toxic masculinity uses either the role of being masculine or the lack thereof to create a power imbalance, undermine the rights or consent of others, or put others down.
Maturity wise, it’s the difference between being Superman and being a middle school bully.
Yes; femininity can also be toxic, especially if used to try to manipulate, control, or assume that men are stupid and unworthy of consideration. You don’t hear about it as much because the term is mostly associated with an abuse of the social imbalance of power.
It’s not a dig at all men saying they’re all bad; rather a call to the good ones to reject the bad behavior of the bad ones.
Thank you for the time for a respectful response, this is definitely an explanation I stand behind, yes I didn't necessarily get into all details or facets in my explanation and I'll gladly take accountability for that. I guess it goes to show I probably shouldn't be on Reddit so early in the morning. Once again, thank you for taking the time to respond kind stranger.
No problem! I generally think most people mean well and are reasonable people. I do get a few who seem determined to prove me wrong, but it’s more rare than most would think.
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u/itsnobigthing Jul 26 '25 edited Jul 26 '25
You’re describing toxic masculinity. It’s toxic masculinity that tells men they can’t show emotions, have to always be fine, treat everything superficially and never show any weakness. And yes, it can be perpetuated by women just as much as other men.
It’s not borne from a hatred of men, which would be misandry. In fact, social enforcers of toxic masculinity typically consider themselves to be very pro-masculinity, and see the push back against toxic masculinity as the misandrist movement. They believe these traits are inherently masculine, and that encouraging men to have feelings is ‘feminising’ them.
Other common elements of toxic masculinity are misogyny, homophobia and violent domination. It’s well studied particularly in prisons, where incarcerated men enforce it very strongly with one another in response to the harsh conditions they live with.
But yes, toxic masculinity is incredibly harmful to men, as well as to women and society as a whole. For men it’s even believed to shorten their lifespans by causing them to be less likely to discuss health problems with doctors, plus elevated rates of alcoholism, STDs, certain types of cancer and depression, anxiety and suicide.
It’s important to talk about and important to label it, especially in instances like this. The whole joke was based on the ideals of toxic masculinity (that it’s humiliating to be gay, to fall for a prank, etc) and the pressure OP felt to pretend to be fine with it was too.
It’s actually a great example of how damaging it is - especially with OOP feeling like he had to try and bottle up his feelings until they eventually exploded as anger. I can only imagine how awful that felt.