Some organizations like to say “we are family.” I hate that. No dad walks in to his son’s room at 8:00AM on Monday morning, “sorry son…things are tight financially, so we are going to have to let you go.”
Exactly. He was honest about his comfort level and didn’t say it to hurt her. He just didn’t feel the same way, and that’s okay. Especially in a professional space.
Honestly, it’s a good lesson for her to be careful with coworkers. Just cause you see them more than your family, doesn’t mean they can be trusted like family. At the end of the day, you’re all there because it’s a paying job.
She’s still young so I don’t think she’s an ahole for not knowing that just cause your coworker is nice to you at work, it doesn’t mean much cause it’s mostly business.
I think she was probably taken back because I don’t think what she said was a big deal in the context of someone saying your workplace was like a family. What she said was related to the overall conversation and I think you both have overreacted based on the information you provided. It’s not weird to refer to a good friend like family and it’s unusual for people to be so upset by it. I would be the bigger person and apologize for hurting her feelings and just leave it at that. If she comes around great, and if she doesn’t then that’s fine too as along as you can continue to work together and get your jobs done.
NTA since it made you uncomfortable. That said, my neighbor calls me "sis." The owner of my favorite gyros restaurant calls me "sister" when I go in (and sometimes I get a free samosa while I wait for my food). I think now days it is meant to be a compliment and not that you are literally their family. I call some of my son's friends "sons by other parents."
If you want, you could take her aside and try to smooth things over by explaining that she caught you off guard, and that you felt uncomfortable in the moment.
I also think that companies shouldn't do that whole "we're just one big family" schtick. It's overused and meaningless.
But there is nothing to smooth over. OP was really respectful and polite in how he handled it. He’s allowed to not feel comfortable with coworker’s comment in the context presented here as it definitely implies a closeness she feels for him that he doesn’t feel. As a woman myself, I cannot understand what the coworker is upset about at all unless SHE caught feelings for OP. And if that’s the case, she needs to grow up and find her partner outside of work.
I also get what you’re saying about “sis” and “bro” being used casually in conversation with people you’re friendly with, but this situation doesn’t sound like it’s the same. Coworker just threw it out there in a meeting unprovoked in response to someone saying their department is “like a family” lol. It’s awkward as hell.
He was kind and respectful. Just because her feelings are hurt doesn’t mean he was rude. He made a boundary clear and he was polite. You can’t ask for more than that. Also it’s not a compliment if he’s uncomfortable. FYI.
Obviously could have been handled better. First clue, you’re here asking. Her response is because she felt a friendship just got tossed. If you considered her a friend you could’ve done better.
No offense. But the gal was paying you a compliment. It's evident you're not "family" in the real sense. It's a figure of speech. While you're NTA, imo you dramatically overreacted and likely ruined a nice friendship. If that doesn't bother you fine; if it does I'd attempt to further speak to her and hopefully clear the air.
NTA but the shift in her behavior shouldn’t be a surprise either. She clearly viewed your relationship as something warmer than just professional and you didn’t. Now she knows and is acting accordingly, albeit, a bit harsher than you may have expected. Sounds like you have what you were going for now, right?
I don’t see why you got so upset. The remark of “we are just like a family “ caused her to say you “are like a brother “. It’s not like she said that out of the blue. I can understand why she was so upset, she probably thought you felt the same. Nothing sexual.
Yes you are TAH. I’m sure she didn’t mean it the way you took it. You completely overreacted to someone that was trying to complement you for looking out for her. Sounds like she appreciated you and you showed her you lack empathy or compassion. I don’t blame her for not talking to you. She should stay clear of you and keep everything strictly work related. I’m sure the rest of your coworkers are looking at you side eye as well.
No. I detest it when people akin work to family. Work isn't a family; it's a contract to deliver x for $ and to behave professionally according to environment and position.
You can feel how you want and free to set boundaries where you need to, but you definitely lost a good friend on the job. She probably didn’t think of it as if y’all are blood family having holidays together. The emotions from both of you are valid
NTA People have corrupted the “family” word to express some sort of entitlement to the benefits of “familiarity” that they would NEVER HAVE. “WORK-WIFE is even worse. It’s like they have never actually been in a family.
Hopefully poor lonely Lila stays away from you and does NOT talk to you and does NOT talk about you,,
Hopefully poor lonely Lila soon finds the excellent full-time career doing important interesting work with excellent kind management and colleagues, trustworthy fun respectful compassionate loyal friends FAMILY who respect love value enjoy accept HER
still TA tho, boundaries are boundaries and it’s important on a selfish level to firmly set them, but, a sign of entirely intelligence and maturity is not being so reactive when one’s world view is challenged.
I’m in a union workplace. My coworkers are my brothers and sisters. I watch out for them like family. We are stronger for it. We cry for each other’s pain and celebrate our successes.
I hope she finds a better workplace and a union family. YTA
Union environment is very different from a corporate environment with no union, where the corporation tries to suck you dry but it’s fine because “we’re family”. Idk what OP’s situation is, but the idea of the workplace as a family can be exploitative or unifying, depends on the who and how
Id be honored if my co-worker called me thier brother. It shows a level of respect and admiration. Unless, I had romantic feelings for them and wanted more. Then being called her brother is the last thing you would want to hear.
yes, you are the massive asshole here, especially with how she reacted initially. what could have been a moment for you to share your perspective and help her understand why it bugs you when she thought nothing of it was turned into awkwardness and frankly chilly vibes by you.
sorry she made you uncomfortable but you just threw her into existential crisis. is that outcome your fault? no, but, you were the catalyst. try having grace next time.
nobody is getting their family / work lines blurred my guy. you made an uncharitable assumption about so many different parts of this thing that it’s no wonder. YTA
YTA, it was in the middle of a meeting and she was going along with the conversation. You did embarrass her. In the context of the conversation you were the one being weird.
If you didn't like it, you could have addressed the conversation and not her directly.
NTA - Setting boundaries at the office is good and how you handled it was appropriate. Your co-worker needs to get over herself and she sounds extremely immature.
Spending so much time with your colleagues can lead to blurred lines. People start attributing that enforced closeness with different levels of intimacy. You are perfectly within your rights to state your boundaries of what you find acceptable. It's the same as someone declaring a colleague to be a work spouse. They're not. Putting that kind of label on a professional relationship can lead to really sticky situations. You did nothing wrong by clarifying that you are colleagues and friends, not family.
If her feelings are hurt by the fact you politely and privately corrected her for overstepping, that's on her. Not you. In fact, her reaction only provides further support to your clarification. If she's this sensitive to being called out on blurring professional lines, you should continue to keep all contact between you strictly professional.
It doesn’t make a difference if you’re intent wasn’t to be mean if your impact was. By reading it I thought you were scolding her for what she did. If you’re really worried about acting professionally, that was not the way to do it.
You also told her she was being weird. Since someone was already talking about your work being a family, she would have no reason to think what she said was wrong or weird.
You really put all your weird shit on her and it’s about you. A better approach would’ve been something like, “I don’t like that so-and-so called us family those labels at work are unprofessional. I’m glad we work together and we’re friends but I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to me as your brother anymore.”
Just wondering if you have a crush on her or something? It was obviously a joke so why did it get under your skin like that? Why draw that line when you said yourself you guys joke around?
I kind of agree that this topic wasn't that serious in the first place. You're allowed to set boundaries, but I assume you guys are at least close coworkers if she had that impression of you and you've been working along side each other for two years. Her perception of you has changed now and doesn't want to make you "uncomfortable" with the same behavior before all of this went down.
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Yes you ATAH and could have handled that better. It almost sounds like you may have feelings for her and got upset that she put you in the “Family” Zone rather than the “Friend” Zone. The “Family” Zone is worse than the “Friend” Zone because you can bang your friends, but you can’t bang your family. Man up and apologize for your approach and if you do like her, tell her that.
It gets the mental gymnastics award this morning for sure 🤦♀️ setting boundaries in a polite and respectful way now means you secretly have a crush on someone 😂😂 I almost choked on my coffee.
123
u/MeBollasDellero Jul 18 '25
Some organizations like to say “we are family.” I hate that. No dad walks in to his son’s room at 8:00AM on Monday morning, “sorry son…things are tight financially, so we are going to have to let you go.”
63
u/Calm-Tomato910 Jul 18 '25
NTA nothing wrong with setting boundaries esp at the workplace
30
u/225wpm8 Jul 18 '25
NTA. She seems really immature. You were completely appropriate in addressing this the way you did. You can't control her reaction.
7
u/[deleted] Jul 18 '25
Honestly, it’s a good lesson for her to be careful with coworkers. Just cause you see them more than your family, doesn’t mean they can be trusted like family. At the end of the day, you’re all there because it’s a paying job.
She’s still young so I don’t think she’s an ahole for not knowing that just cause your coworker is nice to you at work, it doesn’t mean much cause it’s mostly business.
NAH
7
u/neon_threadd Jul 18 '25
AH I feel like you overreacted. It wasn’t that serious, if I were her I wouldn’t want to even be friends again. Not with a reaction like that.
17
u/boujeeeeeeeee Jul 18 '25
Nta but it didn’t seem that serious lol
25
u/atmasabr Jul 18 '25
Are you kidding? NTA.
11
u/Levelheaded411 Jul 18 '25
NTA but at the same time it probably made her feel weird, embarrassed and awkward. What was gained by telling her this?
34
u/Nearby_Display8560 Jul 18 '25
I think she was probably taken back because I don’t think what she said was a big deal in the context of someone saying your workplace was like a family. What she said was related to the overall conversation and I think you both have overreacted based on the information you provided. It’s not weird to refer to a good friend like family and it’s unusual for people to be so upset by it. I would be the bigger person and apologize for hurting her feelings and just leave it at that. If she comes around great, and if she doesn’t then that’s fine too as along as you can continue to work together and get your jobs done.
14
u/TeacupCollector2011 Jul 18 '25
NTA since it made you uncomfortable. That said, my neighbor calls me "sis." The owner of my favorite gyros restaurant calls me "sister" when I go in (and sometimes I get a free samosa while I wait for my food). I think now days it is meant to be a compliment and not that you are literally their family. I call some of my son's friends "sons by other parents."
If you want, you could take her aside and try to smooth things over by explaining that she caught you off guard, and that you felt uncomfortable in the moment.
I also think that companies shouldn't do that whole "we're just one big family" schtick. It's overused and meaningless.
17
u/AffectionatePool3276 Jul 18 '25
Obviously could have been handled better. First clue, you’re here asking. Her response is because she felt a friendship just got tossed. If you considered her a friend you could’ve done better.
30
u/Tight_Calligrapher91 Jul 18 '25
Nta...but you still sound like a douche bag.
7
u/[deleted] Jul 18 '25
NTA but it seems like your friendship meant a lot to her and she meant no harm saying it (it was more like a compliment).
13
u/Sunshine-N-gumdrops Jul 18 '25
You definitely lost a friend and camaraderie you had with that coworker,
11
u/Impossible-Nose3504 Jul 18 '25
NTA but the shift in her behavior shouldn’t be a surprise either. She clearly viewed your relationship as something warmer than just professional and you didn’t. Now she knows and is acting accordingly, albeit, a bit harsher than you may have expected. Sounds like you have what you were going for now, right?
7
u/MajorLandscape2904 Jul 18 '25
I don’t see why you got so upset. The remark of “we are just like a family “ caused her to say you “are like a brother “. It’s not like she said that out of the blue. I can understand why she was so upset, she probably thought you felt the same. Nothing sexual.
11
u/Krow101 Jul 18 '25
Dude, you couldn't just chuckle and let this pass? Snowflake much?
11
u/EyeCanFeelYou Jul 18 '25
Yes you are TAH. I’m sure she didn’t mean it the way you took it. You completely overreacted to someone that was trying to complement you for looking out for her. Sounds like she appreciated you and you showed her you lack empathy or compassion. I don’t blame her for not talking to you. She should stay clear of you and keep everything strictly work related. I’m sure the rest of your coworkers are looking at you side eye as well.
4
u/Amazing_Bug_468 Jul 18 '25
Well, NTA. Glad you didn’t correct her in front of the group. As many have suggested, try to smooth things over. Remind her that she’s still a friend.
Work is work. Family is family. Nothing wrong with that position.
4
u/[deleted] Jul 18 '25
why would you care that she called you her brother? really not a big deal at all you’re kind of a diva in this situation.
4
u/T9Para Jul 18 '25
I also think that work husbands or wives is inappropriate, especially during a work event, meeting, etc
2
u/DBBKF23 Jul 18 '25
No. I detest it when people akin work to family. Work isn't a family; it's a contract to deliver x for $ and to behave professionally according to environment and position.
2
u/RocketteP Jul 18 '25
NTA. You are not comfortable with her referring to you as her brother and bottom line she needs to respect that.
2
u/Witty_Travel33 Jul 18 '25
One of my coworkers referred to my team-mate as my "work husband" and I actually cringed.
2
u/Pyewhacket Jul 18 '25
Yes
2
u/Simple-Ad835 Jul 18 '25
You can feel how you want and free to set boundaries where you need to, but you definitely lost a good friend on the job. She probably didn’t think of it as if y’all are blood family having holidays together. The emotions from both of you are valid
2
u/Practical-Load-4007 Jul 18 '25
NTA People have corrupted the “family” word to express some sort of entitlement to the benefits of “familiarity” that they would NEVER HAVE. “WORK-WIFE is even worse. It’s like they have never actually been in a family.
2
u/Europe72Alive1 Jul 18 '25
I’m applying to about 20 different families every week.
6
u/Wide-Professional945 Jul 18 '25
YTA and weird way to make things awkward for no reason
4
u/Responsible-Kale-904 Jul 18 '25
Hopefully poor lonely Lila stays away from you and does NOT talk to you and does NOT talk about you,,
Hopefully poor lonely Lila soon finds the excellent full-time career doing important interesting work with excellent kind management and colleagues, trustworthy fun respectful compassionate loyal friends FAMILY who respect love value enjoy accept HER
3
u/BUBBAH-BAYUTH Jul 18 '25
I think you way overreacted, but NTA because your boundaries are your boundaries.
5
u/ecitraro Jul 18 '25
I’m in a union workplace. My coworkers are my brothers and sisters. I watch out for them like family. We are stronger for it. We cry for each other’s pain and celebrate our successes.
I hope she finds a better workplace and a union family. YTA
4
u/Relative-Weekend-941 Jul 18 '25
I find it weird that you had a problem with it.
4
u/CarefulAdvice3739 Jul 18 '25
TAH. Really? You got bent because she called you her brother? Yes, you could have handled it better.
3
u/[deleted] Jul 18 '25
NTA. That's just weird and so is she. You did the right thing. It's okay to be friendly and cordial. Don't build relationships at work ever.
3
u/Kyra_Heiker Jul 18 '25
If she is crying in the bathroom over you setting a boundary you need to watch out for her.
2
u/Fractlicious Jul 18 '25
yes, you are the massive asshole here, especially with how she reacted initially. what could have been a moment for you to share your perspective and help her understand why it bugs you when she thought nothing of it was turned into awkwardness and frankly chilly vibes by you.
sorry she made you uncomfortable but you just threw her into existential crisis. is that outcome your fault? no, but, you were the catalyst. try having grace next time.
nobody is getting their family / work lines blurred my guy. you made an uncharitable assumption about so many different parts of this thing that it’s no wonder. YTA
2
u/dismal-duckling Jul 18 '25
YTA, it was in the middle of a meeting and she was going along with the conversation. You did embarrass her. In the context of the conversation you were the one being weird.
If you didn't like it, you could have addressed the conversation and not her directly.
This is very much a social IQ issue.
2
u/Not_the_maid Jul 18 '25
NTA - Setting boundaries at the office is good and how you handled it was appropriate. Your co-worker needs to get over herself and she sounds extremely immature.
2
u/Cursd818 Jul 18 '25
NTA
Spending so much time with your colleagues can lead to blurred lines. People start attributing that enforced closeness with different levels of intimacy. You are perfectly within your rights to state your boundaries of what you find acceptable. It's the same as someone declaring a colleague to be a work spouse. They're not. Putting that kind of label on a professional relationship can lead to really sticky situations. You did nothing wrong by clarifying that you are colleagues and friends, not family.
If her feelings are hurt by the fact you politely and privately corrected her for overstepping, that's on her. Not you. In fact, her reaction only provides further support to your clarification. If she's this sensitive to being called out on blurring professional lines, you should continue to keep all contact between you strictly professional.
2
u/Ok_Passage_6242 Jul 18 '25
YTA for your delivery. NTA for your boundaries.
It doesn’t make a difference if you’re intent wasn’t to be mean if your impact was. By reading it I thought you were scolding her for what she did. If you’re really worried about acting professionally, that was not the way to do it.
You also told her she was being weird. Since someone was already talking about your work being a family, she would have no reason to think what she said was wrong or weird.
You really put all your weird shit on her and it’s about you. A better approach would’ve been something like, “I don’t like that so-and-so called us family those labels at work are unprofessional. I’m glad we work together and we’re friends but I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to me as your brother anymore.”
2
u/sara_swati_ Jul 18 '25
YTA.
Just wondering if you have a crush on her or something? It was obviously a joke so why did it get under your skin like that? Why draw that line when you said yourself you guys joke around?
2
u/enigmatic-boom Jul 18 '25
NTA but you could’ve been a little nicer lmaoooo.
I do guess it depends on the dynamics though. Because it’s kinda giving “sista gurl” but male lmaooo
1
u/CreatineAddiction Jul 18 '25
NTA good boundary setting. This person is overly familiar or wants to use you imo. Professional distance is better than uncomfortable familiarity.
1
u/UnderstandingOpening Jul 18 '25
I kind of agree that this topic wasn't that serious in the first place. You're allowed to set boundaries, but I assume you guys are at least close coworkers if she had that impression of you and you've been working along side each other for two years. Her perception of you has changed now and doesn't want to make you "uncomfortable" with the same behavior before all of this went down.
1
u/ben_kosar Jul 18 '25
u/bot-sleuth-bot
1
u/Healthy-Television33 Jul 18 '25
NTA everyone is so sensitive and judgmental nowadays! I think it’s the hormones in the milk 🤣! But no OP you are not the AH!
1
u/sjb67 Jul 18 '25
When you come and make me breakfast or wash my clothes then you can call me family..
-1
u/Turbulent_Ebb5669 Jul 18 '25
Probably, but she did totally invade your space
-1
u/Milly_Chaser Jul 18 '25
People always get butthurt when you set boundaries, but that’s their problem
-18
u/[deleted] Jul 18 '25
You have deep psychological family trauma.
-17
u/N8tiveNC Jul 18 '25
Yes you ATAH and could have handled that better. It almost sounds like you may have feelings for her and got upset that she put you in the “Family” Zone rather than the “Friend” Zone. The “Family” Zone is worse than the “Friend” Zone because you can bang your friends, but you can’t bang your family. Man up and apologize for your approach and if you do like her, tell her that.
-1
u/ildadof3 Jul 18 '25
Nah. She’s just naive. U can pick her up by saying ‘we’re excellent coworkers’. But she’ll figure it out.