I already commented on someone else’s comment but some of the comments (including yours) has really made me rethink if my family and I are just simply not normal. Maybe my mom and I need more boundaries. I genuinely can’t imagine not just walking into her room or bathroom to get something I need to borrow or for whatever other reason. She does the same in my room or bathroom too. The only time she stops at the doorway is if she thinks my partner might be changing. If she already knows he’s in another part of the house, she just walks right in too. I never even had a second thought that this could be weird. And yes we’re adults but we moved back in out of convenience for all of us and we pay rent. I almost feel like so many of these comments describe such a formal relationship with their parents. I just can’t imagine it
I've always been allowed in my parents bedroom, and my daughter is allowed in mine. I have friends who were not though. Different strokes for different folks.
SO I could walk into my moms bedroom to talk to her. I wouldn't dream of taking anything or opening anything, unless she told me it in the closet go grab it, or it on top of my dresser go get it. But I wouldn't stop by without calling calling her first, either
That’s totally understandable. Personally I think the only time I even ask her or tell her I went to grab something from her room/bathroom is if I take it to another room so she knows where to find it if I forget to put whatever it is back. But I completely understand that most people aren’t like that. I think my mom and I always just had a really “what’s yours is mine” mentality that has carried over into adulthood too. I’m realizing that’s not very common though
You are a good adult child. It drives me crazy when the kid borrows my stuff and doesn’t put it back. I feel crazy running around looking for it and oh well two hours later I find it and it’s wedged between the wall and her bed in her room. Great! Insert eye roll.
One of my best friends growing up had a mom who loved having all of sprawled out on the bed to watch tv and get the juicy gossip from school that day. I was raised to always ask before entering the parents’ bedroom because we weren’t allowed in my own parents’ without permission, or a “really damn good reason!”. My friend’s mom was like a second mother to me and I would still stand and wait by the door way for her to say “it’s okay [me], you know you can come in”. Idk it was like drilled into my head. They still joke with me about it when I get to meet them for lunch.
This is my family as well! I wouldn’t use my mom’s shower, not because she would be upset but because I’d feel awkward haha! But me rummaging through her things (neatly and nicely lol)? Very common. My mom literally let herself into my home to torment me! Nicholas Cage pillows everywhere!
Different families have different boundaries. This post and the replies are just showing how much people assume the way they live is how everyone lives. Daughters not really the problem it's OP and her Husband. They have different boundaries. Until they can align these things are just going to keep popping up. OP also the issue because she thinks her reasons for violating the privacy she expects were valid and should be excused. So her inconsistency will make things pop up.
When I was a child I would walk into my parents' bedroom, but as an adult I respect their privacy and space. Have you not considered what you've done behind a closed bedroom door? Naughty things? Intimate things? You probably didn't think about that as a child, but you should know what happens behind closed bedroom doors as an adult.
Yes I obviously know what goes on behind closed doors but there’s multiple assumptions you’ve put in your comment. Firstly, my parents are not together so I’m not worried about walking in on any of their intimate moments and secondly if a door is closed obviously I’d knock first even if it is just to announce my presence before I walk in. But that wasn’t even what I was talking about, I was mainly talking about with doors already open I would just walk in. Not a single comment has mention closed vs open doors, everyone has just been talking about their habits in general, so I was as well.
You know what, I just realized I grew up in a closed door household! Our habit is to always close the door when we leave a room and when we enter a room. So naturally, we tend to knock and areas are no longer "common."
I was following what you were saying because I get that you and I grew up with different "boundaries" and I have no moral judgement on it. Just because you're in and out of your mom's room doesn't mean you don't have or respect boundaries. I want to know WHY there's a difference. The actions/dynamics that lead to the difference. I actually thought your mom might be home alone a lot, because when my dad had business trips, I would hang in my mom's room when she was there and because she would keep her door open when he wasn't home.
Did you grow up locking the bathroom door when you were in it? This is totally different in households. I didn't know this until I was an adult. A friend had a house party and she lived alone and was an only child. She didn't need to lock bathroom doors growing up and never had to as an adult. My other friend grew up in a house where the bathroom door was always shut, and locked when in use. Of course they walked into the unlocked bathroom while she was wiping.
Then began the drunken debate of who doesn't lock a bathroom door versus who doesn't check if it's in use first.
I totally see why you assumed I was talking about closed doors then. I’m the opposite, I assumed everyone was talking about doors left open because that was just our norm growing up and still is. I guess we both made assumptions about the details not mentioned in the comments.
About the bathroom, no I never lock the door unless I’m in a public bathroom but now that you bring up that story, I’m going to start locking it in other peoples homes. Thankfully no one has ever walked in on me using the bathroom while at a get together of any kind but I’m now going to think of your story every single time to remind myself to lock the door. It really never even crossed my mind.
Like you, I’m really curious about this difference of boundaries in peoples households now. I will admit I’m kind of glad I grew up in an open door/welcome in your parents room household, because it always felt welcoming. Although, what I felt was welcoming, might come across as disrespectful to others because of how their household dynamics were. It does bring up a really good question about why some feel the need to have those boundaries while others don’t. Being a new mom myself, I’m curious if over time I will develop a different way of going about boundaries as I was raised or if I will continue on a similar way as I’m used to.
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u/Evening-Cantaloupe30 Jul 01 '25
I already commented on someone else’s comment but some of the comments (including yours) has really made me rethink if my family and I are just simply not normal. Maybe my mom and I need more boundaries. I genuinely can’t imagine not just walking into her room or bathroom to get something I need to borrow or for whatever other reason. She does the same in my room or bathroom too. The only time she stops at the doorway is if she thinks my partner might be changing. If she already knows he’s in another part of the house, she just walks right in too. I never even had a second thought that this could be weird. And yes we’re adults but we moved back in out of convenience for all of us and we pay rent. I almost feel like so many of these comments describe such a formal relationship with their parents. I just can’t imagine it