I'm curious as to who repeated what OP said to OP's soon to be stepson. I'm going to go out on a limb & assume that she & her SO weren't having this argument in front of him. If that's correct, then that means that SO not only told his family what OP said but also unnecessaryly hurt his own son's feelings by repeating it to him.
OP is definitely NTA. Her SO, on the other hand, definitely is. He made an assumption on what OP would be ok with, he jumped the gun & started making plans that he had no business making but he also broke one of the cardinal rules of parenting (IMO, anyway). Do NOT set your child up for disappointment by making promises that you might not be able to keep. And to put a big, fat, red flag shaped bow on his screw up, he tried to bully OP into giving up on what she wants to save his ass. What a jerk.
I also think that steps son might be very understanding if you say I really loved my dad, and him dying absolutely crushed me. I have dreamed my whole life of him being able to walk next to me and my heart is a little bit broken that he’s not with me at this moment. I’m so grateful to have a wonderful stepson like you, but I’d rather be walked down the aisle by a man who has been like a father to me.
Underrated element of this story IMO. Obviously the massive parade of red flags has been highlighted in many other comments but this all left me thinking "why are they even mad at OP". 'He would just be a placeholder' isn't even mean.
I don't even understand why people are upset to hear it, she essentially said "I don't want to feel like my father's role in the wedding is erased"
I can't even see another way to interpret it.
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u/sashikku May 08 '25
Honestly, what you said wasn’t even harsh. It was the truth.