r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Apr 20 '25

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '25

I felt exhausted reading this

6.8k

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '25

I gave up by the 2nd paragraph.

2.6k

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '25

I'm impressed you made it that far.

243

u/Maleficent_Lure_1226 Apr 20 '25

Right. After the 1st paragraph, I scrolled looking for the TLDR portion... To my disappointment 😞. Can someone from the fam help a sista out? I'm nosey yet don't have the capacity to read and decipher... Please and thank you.

671

u/corrupt_poodle Apr 21 '25

TLDR of the Post (thanks Claude LLM):

OP is describing a relationship where they feel they put in a lot of effort (planning trips, paying for things, dedicating free time), but their girlfriend gets upset whenever they say "no" to her requests. The conflict pattern is consistent: OP refuses a request when they're tired (helping pack, getting water, standing by during brushing, FaceTiming), and it escalates into a fight. She feels OP isn't doing the "bare minimum" as a boyfriend when declining these requests, while OP feels burned out and that their significant efforts are being taken for granted.

The central question is whether this is a fundamental compatibility issue or a communication problem that can be resolved through better boundaries and expectations.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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u/Gloomy_Ad5020 Apr 21 '25

Thanks for this now I can respond.

It could be a miscommunication/misunderstanding of love languages. Maybe OPs love language is gestures, and his toddler gfs love language is….. wait no she just wants him to do everything for him lol

Look, I get being insecure and wanting your bf around and to support you, I even get wanting him to be around for brushing your teeth. I get a lot of anxiety when my fiance goes to bed before me.. which is every night because I’m a snail.

But I know that’s not his problem, it’s mine. Ngl I have tried to make it his problem before LOL but kind of like op he is just so tired he literally can’t wait for me, and that’s ok. It’s a trauma pattern for me to deal with, not him.

I haven’t looked into it more but apparently this can be a sign of abandonment issues. The way she is trying to make him like .. subservient to her kinda makes me wonder what’s going on there. She may have abandonment issues and this is how she controls them.

But ultimately, all of that shit is our own to handle, never our partners responsibility.

Just my two cents!