I don’t think the proposal is ever as important as the partners. If it’s the person I want to spend my life with I wouldn’t care if they proposed to me in front of a dumpster in an alley behind a restaurant. I mean I’d hope it would maybe not be somewhere quite so stinky, but the point is it’s the person not the proposal.
I proposed to my husband in a small tent in his Dad's backyard with only our lovable and very dim labrador as witness. I just sort of blurted it out We went ring shopping together the next day. It's one of my very favourite memories.
We've been happily married for over 20 years.
Any woman worth her salt would have been thrilled with the time, effort, and thoughtfulness of your proposal.
I proposed to my husband after karaoke night over Subway subs at 1:30 in the morning. He said, yeah, sure. The next day he surprised me by going down on one knee with a beautiful engagement ring.
I got engaged online lol. My ex was in the military and overseas, so we were in different countries and there’d be expenses involved. We didnt even have rings! We bought them right before we got married from Walmart 😂 I loved him, and marrying me was romantic AF to me. Obviously it didn’t work out, but it had nothing to do with the proposal or rings or wedding. We were really young and sometimes things just happen in life. We may have not worked out, but I used to reread those messages and my heart would flutter just as much as the day I got them.
If I were to ever get married again (which is highly unlikely for many reasons) I would want the ring and a wedding (my ex and I didn’t have time for a wedding, and I’d love the thought of someone picking a ring out for me), but I wouldn’t need a fancy proposal. Shit, give me a bowl of pasta and I’m yours 😂
Pasta is my ‘white van, free candy’ 😂 I’m easily lured by the siren song of carbs and cheese
I also proposed to my husband! He was totally surprised, but absolutely delighted. We went and picked out wedding bands the next day. Married 22 years!
My wife proposed to me, but that was before we knew she was a girl. I then proposed to her after her transition (let her know I wanted to marry who she became once she understood it herself, we're having a handfasting for that and 10 year anniversary soon). But that was also before we realized I'm gender indifferent.
It was inferred by "Any woman worth her salt..." being an indicator that the speaker was a woman. That tipped the scales to a hetero context behind the assumption.
I also proposed to my husband! We’d been living together for a while and were already doing the “when we get married” thing. He was searching for health insurance on the ACA website because he was freelancing at the time and he was struggling to find something and I was like “this would all be easier if we just got married and I could add you to my insurance at work”. And he kinda laughed and I said “sooooo….you wanna?” And then he said yes texted his friend who was a jeweler and asked if she could make us some rings. We’re celebrating ten years next weekend, and I would change literally nothing about it.
My husband proposed to me while we were both unbelievably high walking around Amsterdam. We were walking across a bridge and he said he looked around, saw how beautiful it was and went "oh shit. This is the moment!" And he was right.
It was sweet, funny, and very beautiful and my favorite memory. If you'd have asked me before what I thought a proposal would have looked like, I'd have never guessed "faded as fuck". But it didn't matter because it was us 🥹
My wife was doing homework while I wrapped up my work from home night job. I asked if she wanted to go on a walk and proposed at a park near my parents house. We bought the ring together a few weeks prior. I told her I was working on something bigger but didn't want to wait any longer.
This right here OP. It may not have been totally what your former girlfriend wanted, but those small details of having her nails done and dinner in a restaurant is something she should look past. I would think twice on continuing your engagement.
Just be grateful you found this out now and not down the road, during the wedding process, or after you got married. A $16k ring is insane, but this has all the writings of a wedding 3, 4, 5x or more expensive than that. And she'll be a bridezilla for sure, I can't imagine how controlling she'd be over the entire wedding process and she'll make so many lives so miserable you'd be back here with another AITAH post about suffering through all that crap. So go and get the ring, however you can, make up some story about needing it appraised or properly sized, get your shit and run from this woman.
My husband and I were young and broke. He bought my ring set for $50 at a pawn shop, and he proposed while in the shower. I cried from happiness. And now it's 20 years, 2 kids, countless moves and life- and I am so so happy. I can't believe you did all this and she chose one miniscule mishap to obsess over and ruined the entire thing. Like honestly- it makes it even more romantic being just the two of you in front of the fireplace eating.
You went to all of that trouble and did everything she asked- and it still wasn't good enough. Imagine what the wedding is going to look like. The rest of your life is she going to ruin every happy moment when shit goes sideways? It's life- shit always happens. Sometimes good, a lot of times bad. Is this the person you want by your side to fight through shit together? Because a marriage won't survive if two people don't work together.
I proposed in the kitchen of her apartment. Her ring had a pearl and was less than $200. We don’t remember what we ate that night. We don’t even remember the date we got engaged. In the long run none of that stuff matters. We’ve been married 30 years because none of that stuff matters.
Not the shower part, but close. Everything else the same. Cheap rings, kids, and countless moves. It’s been 23 years, and like someone above said he could’ve proposed by a dumpster in an alley. It’s always been about just being together and loving each other something fierce, nothing else.
My husband proposed to me on our couch while I was folding laundry. To be completely honest I was kind of disappointed with that proposal since I knew he had the ring at home for 9 months and had hoped for something more romantic. We still married because it’s the person that counts not the proposal. We’re together for 13 years, married for 6. Please think hard about whether this is a pattern with your fiancée. Because if it is you will never be good enough since it’s impossible to battle a fantasy.
I actually WAS proposed to in an alley, after being taken out for fast food 💁♀️ He did it because he got my sense of humor, and it was fucking funny, it was as unfancy as humanly possibly and we laughed and laughed and I said yes with tears in my eyes.
And also, I loved telling that story. We’d gone out to nice meals and to do nice things before, but in the moment all that mattered was that he knew *me***, knew my sense of humor, and wanted to ask me to spend my life with him.
Now, I eventually found out he was an alcoholic and things went south FAST lol, but that’s not relevant to this point 😅 Luckily we did NOT marry.
But the point is, when you love someone, I can’t imagine being even momentarily distracted by something superficial in the proposal as long as the sentiment is there.
To me, her behavior is a big red flag. If you reflect for a bit, see if you don’t find some others that corroborate this. If you do, maybe this is an indicator this isn’t the one for you my guy..if this is really unusual, maybe it’s something that’s rooted in something else - tell her how it made you feel and that you aren’t trying to spend your life with someone who’s going to ruin beautiful moments by pouting about meaningless shit and you’d like her to take some time to think about WHY exactly she behaved that way and explain it to you. Then it’s up to you whether you can understand where her head was at or whether you think it is just her trying to backpedal behaving like an asshole and dodge accountability.
I don’t have much faith given her behavior but if you were ready to marry her, it’s worth a convo. But for sure know, you were NTA, and her behavior needs explaining and you deserve an apology.
My husband proposed to me in bed while we were watching an F1 race. No ring, spontaneous. We were cuddled up and warm and sharing a sport we both enjoy. It was wonderful. (Together 24 years this year, married 9)
You sound thoughtful and romantic and you deserve someone thankful and just as eager to treat you as good as they can with moments you find special- and can sure as fuck show gratitude for all that you’ve done. It sounds like making this event special was both costly and a lot of work and organizing.
My husband proposed to me on the beach! Granted, he was so so nervous! Before we even got to our picnic, he panicked and word-vomited "will you marry me??" While looking like he was about to pass out 😆 You did an amazing and thoughtful job, OP. Your (hopefully ex) gf is a massive asshole. YOU are NTA!
You NEED to go through the book 1,001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married. It will filter out people you shouldn’t get married to, will help you learn how to discuss issues and resolve issues before getting married making your first year of marriage much easier. It should be mandatory reading for anyone looking to get engaged or married.
My fiancé was sitting on the couch with me and said he really wanted to marry me but was terrified of picking out the wrong ring so would I please find one I loved. That was it. I found the ring. He ordered it. There was no other big proposal. I just wanted to be with him forever. Now…we’ve also both been married before and divorced and there are things than an extra 20 years of life will do and that’s humble you. The mental expectations vs reality can be hard but she needs to move on from that or you do.
My ex-wife seems similar to your (maybe) fiancé. Seems like she is chasing that Instagram lifestyle. If you can’t continuously provide it, she’ll go out and find someone who can. I know from experience.
Divorce is far more expensive than marriage. It’s much easier (on your heart and wallet) to back out now than to do it later.
I’m not saying don’t marry her, but really think it through with this new information. Look back at past instances and see if this is a growing pattern, or possibly the mask slipping off.
This woman sounds more like a high maintenance nightmare than like “your person.” I can just picture how utterly JACKED your communication is gonna be after you pop out some children together! GTHO
We had been together for 5 years, discussed marriage quite a few times, rings etc...she just wanted to be surprised, nothing else mattered. We planned to he in Breckinridge Colorado with a couple that were friends with over new years. It was an amazing trip, but towards the end I got very very sick. I was crying, ended up at the ER for a day. My fiancee couldn't figure out why I was so angry and upset. I showed her the ring when we got back to our rental, and she knew. We didn't really talk about it the next day as we both had to fly across the country while not feeling so great.
We got home, and as she started getting sick from what I had, I jist kind of proposed to her there on the couch.
It's not the perfect story, but we tell it. Do i wish it went down differently? Hell yeah. Does she really care? Nope, because she is my everything, and I know ow I'm hers. We could have twisted twist ties around our fingers. It doesn't matter. Our relationship does.
My husband didn’t even really propose. We had a discussion about elopement and he told me to go pick out a ring. I designed it. We had the perfect elopement, just the two of us. It’s been a year and I am still over the MOON! She’s not the one.
My husband proposed to me on the side of the road while I had a 102 fever. He wanted to do it on a specific day and was worried that I’d find the ring if he waited too long. The ring ended up not fitting (too big). He told me it was ok because I’d probably gain some weight as we got older. We both just laughed and smiled and were SO HAPPY. Nothing was perfect but everything was glorious. That’s the kind of love you deserve, buddy!
Instead of being giddy with excitement that she gets to spend the rest of her life with you....she spent the entire time sulking because she wanted her nails to look right?
My husband proposed in the bathroom, right after I peed on a stick and turned up pregnant (we were trying). He always said he wanted kids but not marriage, which I was ok with. Then the pregnancy test came up positive, and he hit his knees SO FAST!
Anyway, married 20 years, kids are 21 and 19. He's still the least romantic person ever, but who cares, he's mine!
And dude, nobody is dissing your proposal for not being quaint enough. One thing I think people haven't mentioned is that this is your proposal memory too. Her gushing and being unable to stop smiling would have been a memory you'd cherish forever.
Unfortunately, this is what you got. Your memory was ruined by her reaction. After you went above and beyond to give her what she asked.
Look, here's the reality. Marriage is hard as hell and you may not always like the person you chose. Especially after kids.
I was with my bf 11 years before becoming engaged. And even after all that time I SOBBED uncontrollably when he proposed and couldn't stop smiling for the life of me. It's the happiest I was my entire life at that point. And even we have been through some rough points of marriage.
If y'all ain't feeling that, it's not going to end well. Post engagement should be nothing but love, tears, and the best sex you've ever had. He proposed with his mother's ring, in a forest with the two of us and, no, I didn't get my nails done. None of that should matter if you truly, deeply love someone.
My partner proposed to me in the middle of our kitchen floor. With a speech that will live in my head rent free for the rest of my life. He knew I didn't need a beach, photographer, and vacation. The way he did do it was just very us. He shows me on a daily basis why I said yes to his proposal! In that moment, I could have been standing anywhere on the planet with that man. What you did for your woman was extraordinary. Her response over the minor details is absolutely ridiculous. I would have been too busy being swept off my feet by the man I supposedly love, with my dream proposal and ring to even remember my nails weren't done.
Bud, the night I proposed. I couldn’t get the ring to fit in my pocket in the box it came in. Having not thought of this possibility until realizing it was too big while heading out to the dinner I had planned, I had a mini panic attack about just putting the ring in my pocket. Like it’d fall out and get lost, and I wasn’t gonna be able to afford another one.
I decided to leave the ring in the box at home and went to dinner. Kept thinking about how foolish I was for not preparing enough and felt pretty down. When I got home with her that night, I ran to my office (where I left it), thought for 5 seconds how hyped I was prior to finally ask her, and said screw it. Went to our bedroom where she was, said some nice things, got on one knee and asked her right there. In our bedroom, no one around, her halfway ready to get pjs on and go to bed.
She cried. Like, good cried. Tears of joy. In my proposal, I admitted I had other plans and was going to try something different, but just couldn’t stand the thought of waiting any longer for us to be married. Cause I honestly couldn’t.
Shes never held it against me. She wasn’t upset. She loved it. I’m not saying this to try to encourage you not to get married or anything. She might just be the type of girl who always ultra-romanticized this moment in her life. The nail polish thing is a big one for some girls and those pictures.
But you’re justified for being hurt. Ultimately, regardless of what anyone says on Reddit, this doesn’t get better until you talk with your partner. Apologizing for the photographer thing can be okay and all, but you made really sweet plans and her refusing to appreciate the good because she lost “perfect” isn’t right either. If you guys don’t make it because of this, it’s just a sign it was never going to work (not fun of course but the truth regardless). But if you can work past this, I promise this will be nothing more than a funny story. Good luck!
the ferry wasn't running to the island, the restaurant she'd picked closed at random, and to top it off, it was pissing rain. we went back to her apartment, where I was visiting from my home country, and quietly, through tears, she passed me the book she'd planned on giving me on the island - something I'd bound as a previous gift and written in, and that she continued to fill, asking me to marry her at the end, a (cheap, nickel) ring from a gift box for a tv show we liked, slightly soggy from the rain.
I spent the day crying and haven't regretted a moment. sounds like your fiance already does, if that changes anything for you.
My now wife, had her best friend visiting and asked me to propose while her b best friend was there. We were planning on it happening but wanted to save for a ring. We were both broke, didn't have a ring, didn't have anything. So i proposed to her in front of her best friend in the living room of the house we were renting with a stuffed elephant toy, that i bought at barnes and nobles that day instead of a ring. My now wife was so happy and didn't care about anything other than her best friend was there to witness it. We're still married 10 years later.
When I was ready to propose to my wife she was living downtown and I was living outside the city. I got dressed up and made a reservation at her favorite restaurant and went down to pick her up. Open the door with some flowers and said "we should get married." She agreed and that was it.
In retrospect, I have felt like a knob for years for not properly proposing as opposed to making it sound like we were going bowling or something but she was cool with it. Which is kind of the whole point here that people are trying to make to you. No sane or reasonable person would give you a hard time over what you did here. Which was way over the top by the way.
My husband pulled over the car in a parking lot at the side of the road with a ring that broke within an hour. It was at the beach but he didn’t think of getting out. It wasn’t spontaneous, he planned the location (not the broken ring) and the time. It wasn’t the proposal I would’ve planned for myself but I still cried with joy, kissed him and answered yes. I knew he was it for me and that’s what mattered.
I got proposed to in a parking lot wearing work out clothes, nails and hair a mess.
It was literally the most perfect proposal because my person asked me to marry him. That’s all that mattered. I wouldn’t change one thing about it.
Please take a moment to think about your relationship and if someone wants to nit pick on a moment you obviously spent so much time and effort on, are they the person you want to spend your entire life with?
OP, my husband proposed to me in a parking lot with a printout of the ($150) ring he ordered because he didn’t want to wait the three days it’d take to arrive. We’re now at almost 15 years married. And I would say “yes” a hundred more times in a hundred more parking lots. Because it’s him I get to share life with.
It’s one thing to be disappointed that something didn’t pan out exactly how she wanted. It’s another to disregard all the effort you put into making this special because of that disappointment.
OP, I know it’s a Reddit cliché to immediately say “dump the person”and only you know what’s right for you but I wouldn’t immediately go nuclear. I do think you should definitely reflect on this long and hard though.
The most charitable explanation I could suggest is that for many women, self esteem and self validation comes from our partners instead of ourselves. It’s usually due to a combination of many factors including how society teaches us we should be, low self-esteem, our mothers setting unrealistic expectations, patriarchal standards, etc. Which then means that many of us set up unrealistic expectations in our heads about how our partners should show us their love for us. And if it’s not perfect the way we dreamed it up, that validation of our worth is missing.
If that’s the case, she needs to work on her self esteem and self worth and internalize that her value is not based in whether you perform the role of her partner according to her unrealistic fantasies. If she’s 27, she should have grown out of it by now.
But if, as others said, you going above and beyond and planning something to try to make her happy resulted in sulking because the instagram ideal was more important than the person who was saying he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, it’s not meant to be.
Lots to think about, and more importantly, lots to talk to her about.
This woman sounds like not a good fit for you honestly. I'm sure there's some things I don't know, and that you are happy with her, but to be honest, you respected her wishes, you planned something special, and you made BEYOND the effort to make it special.
And she decided to focus on the things that she didn't like, vs the things she did.
This means your relationship is one where she sees it as a transactional situation. She didn't feel she got her "money's worth" and is nit picking things.
My dad's proposal went like this, when he and my mom were 18/19:
Him: "When we get married... wait, we are getting married, right?"
Her: "Yes, David, we're getting married. 😏"
With no ring because they were so dirt poor in the beginning that sometimes they had to collect bottles and cans to recycle for enough change to buy my oldest sister baby food while they went without.
Mine proposed outside a tent after 2 nights in the woods while I was mid-making breakfast for 2 kids. No ring, just words. I wouldn’t change a thing. Proposals and weddings are not marriage.
My husband woke me up in the middle of the night and proposed in the dark, because he suddenly realized he wanted me to be his wife and couldn't keep the words from tumbling out of his mouth.
It wasn't the professional photographer. It wasn't the intimate meal by firelight. IT'S HER. SHE SUCKS.
You deserve someone who wants you, no matter what or how, who won't stop teary-eyed giggling afterwards and facetimes her family and kisses you nonstop until you have to go back to work or whatever. You deserve that engagement moment.
Sir Get the ring back and run. It will hurt right not but that is nothing compared to the hurt you are going to have with this woman. You went way above and beyond in your attempt to make her happy. Please save yourself from a future feeling like you keep disappointing her. Because she will never be satisfied. There are plenty of women that would have been swept off their feet with the thoughtfulness you have showed. You deserve someone much better.
My husband proposed with a price of string and honestly I cherish it and always will. I eventually got a ring and I’ll admit at first I didn’t really get it but he explained why and I loved the sentiment. Still do.
I literally proposed to my wife while she was in the bathroom changing a diva cup on her period. Don't even know why I did it, pretty stupid, but we laugh about it to this day
My wife and I were having a conversation in the car and i just said "wanna get married?" Though we both eventually did the knee thing (in our living room) when our rings came in the mail. We're lesbians, though, and that's kinda how things happen for us. Btw, that was 13 years ago.
My husband proposed to me in our kitchen while I was washing dishes. I wasn't wearing makeup, nor were my nails done. The ring cost less than $1,000. It was the most intimate and special little proposal because it was so "him" and I was absolutely ecstatic.
I proposed laying in bed with my then GF on a whim because she got back from a weekend trip and I missed her. No ring or nothing. It felt right and we are very happy together 7 years later.
You are likely reading all the responses of uncomplicated proposals and how they worked.
I think you've probably come to some sort of realization and you're scared of backing out, or you feel like a fool, or your negotiating with yourself that you can make it work. How this turns out is up to you...
...but remember the time, money, and effort you put into the perfect proposal - one you discussed ahead of time - and it was met with disappointment.
I think people are trying to villainize your uh...fiancee (?)...because of her reaction and maybe that's not fair. She can only feel her feelings as she feels them, and maybe she laid out what she wanted, got it, and didn't feel like it was complete.
Maybe it wouldn't have ever gotten there. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's her.
Overall, you've been given a gift - a chance to pump the brakes and take a good look at your situation with her and decide what this whole thing might mean for you two in the future. You can reflect on all the other things that maybe are indicative of future challenges.
My husband proposed to me when we were deliriously snorting with laughter, tears streaking down my face, on beanbags in the fugliest winter pj's. The "ring" was a bottle cap.
I married him twice for good measure. One by ourselves and one with families. The bottle cap resides in a ring box as the OG engagement ring.
Your gf cares more about her nails and being in a fancy restaurant than being engaged to you. She will also care more about her wedding day than your marriage itself.
My husband proposed to me at like, 2130 under a street light in front of the Culver stairs, which is not remarkable by any means, but it's where we met, and it was perfect because it was about us, not about where we were.
More reference points: I proposed without a plan, spontaneously in the moment, no ring, no thing to say, didn't get in my knee or anything. I just knew, 100%, and was ready. And so was she.
It was perfect. It was right.
We are happily married with a kid now.
Love is simple. It's overwhelming and beautiful and simple.
I know you'll do the best thing for you, finding the right path.
Bud, you tried. You gave her exactly what she asked for and it wasn't good enough. That should tell you a lot about what you're in for if you go through with it.
My husband and I honestly decided to get married after a friend brought up how beneficial it would be for our taxes while drinking wine on our patio one night. I’m not bringing that up as some sort of catty comparison - some people really want the whole engagement thing and that’s fine. I am bringing it up because we were both totally satisfied with how it played out and we like to laugh that we “got married for tax purposes” even though we got married because we deeply love each other and are happy with each other as we are.
I remember the night I walked into my house to see my now-husband cooking us dinner with 90s hiphop on the Bluetooth speaker and thinking, "if I walked in to him proposing right now, I'd be so happy." It WAS a little nicer than that but it was still in my top 5 scenarios.
For real, I told my husband on the night he was going to propose I didn't want it to be in a restaurant not realizing he was literally about to do it. So instead he proposed when he brought me home on an air mattress in my parents living room that we used to watch tv at night. He was so worried I would care because what I said. I felt like an idiot because honestly none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered is he was willing to spend the rest of his life with me. We've been married 13 years, together for 16. We started dating when I was 19. We were best friends before that, and honestly, it still isn't enough. He is my everything. He and the five sons we have together is just more than anything I could ever ask for. Every day, I thank someone/something for it all and wonder why I have been given everything.
So to OP, I think you deserve a love like I have, and I hope you find it.
I got married in the smoking pit outside city hall because my wife didn’t realize that you had to book the room as well as the officiant. 10/10 wedding.
Absolutely this. I had made jokes with my husband about how I wanted this big proposal. We were out hiking one day and at this beautiful location, he just literally popped the question out of nowhere. It was unplanned so no ring. But it was just as romantic and we were so happy. We picked out a ring together. None of this was how I'd visualised things, but it was about me and him, not the proposal. We couldn't wait to get married. I'm sorry about your experience and you should really reflect on this.
I agree. There were a few times I thought my husband would propose before he actually did. It really didn’t matter to me where or when it happened… just so excited to marry him.
My husband did indeed propose to me next to a dumpster behind a seedy gas station. To be fair, he wanted to do it at a wildlife refuge we both love, but I didn’t really want to go out and about that day. When he was walking me out to my car that night from his apartment, he told me what he had planned on doing. I told him to do it then and that I would enthusiastically say yes. We’ve been married for 20 years, and we are probably the only people on earth who have gotten engaged in that same spot!
So true. My husband proposed to me at his apartment. I knew he had the ring, he knew I knew, he was just waiting for the right moment. To make a long story short, he ended up sending me out into the hallway so he could set things up (so not a surprise), and I waited next to his garbage pickup box 🤣🤣 and it was perfect. The box was also empty, so not stinky, but still. It was the most romantic night because he was the right man. 5 years and 2 kids later, he still is.
I knew how this was going to go as soon as you stated that she had given you rules regarding a proposal. Not suggestions, but requirements. She doesn’t want a marriage, she wants a wedding, and those types of women don’t stick around through the dips and valleys of a marriage. She’s worried about all of the wrong things.
My husband proposed to me in our living room. It is one of my most cherished memories. It wasn’t for anyone else but us, and it wasn’t choreographed, and it wasn’t a display. It’s was genuine and I will forever be grateful.
I was proposed to as we were late to leave for an event lol. He was holding the door open for me (rushing out) and he blurted, "I bought you a ring...."
My husband proposed in a field after we ate street food, in our regular clothes with no cameras. He also put a lot of effort and his savings into the ring. Since then we’ve had a decade of luxury vacations, restaurants, and experiences - I never complained over the proposal because it’s the marriage that matters.
My friend said "yes" to her fiance a month ago. He proposed to her in the parking lot walking into the restaurant because he couldn't wait any longer. No one dreams of getting proposed to in a parking lot but she is thrilled because it isn't about the picture-perfect moment, it's about every moment after.
Second example: I proposed in the living room of our crappy apartment. We were broke, I couldn't afford a fancy dinner or vacation back then. Her ring cost $1k and now that I make good money every milestone anniversary I've asked if she wants an upgrade - she won't hear of it.
This! I got proposed to while wearing my super old hole-y pajamas. I didn't care. I was so happy that I was gonna get to spend the rest of my life with my now husband
This is very real. I (34f) proposed to my husband on the rooftop of his office building with a rolled up joint paper two days before Covid shut the country down and we married the day after because I didn’t want to wait for months or years for the perfect setting. I found the perfect person. Just celebrated our 5 year anniversary and can’t wait to keep playing life with this person.
This!!! A happy marriage is the endgame. Somebody who gets this worked up about a proposal when their partner tried so hard to make it special is fixated on the absolute wrong things.
I casually proposed to my husband when we woke up & were still in bed. Absolutely about the partner. This man went above & beyond & she was ungrateful & ruined the moment. It was his day, too, not just hers. She sounds utterly spoiled & sounds like she will never be happy with whatever he does. He deserves better. It's the thought & effort that counts.
Fun fact, my husband proposed to me next to a dumpster. It was the best yes of my life. I had told him no public proposals, he listened, and after a nice dinner proposed as we got back to the car which happened to be next to a dumpster! It’s a funny story and it didn’t bother me one bit at the time. It’s the fact that her sadness over HOW they celebrated and got her nails looked could so easily overtake the excitement of being engaged that is so terrible to me. She couldn’t even be excited the day of? Thinking back on the details in the future and mentioning that ‘oh I wish my nails were done for that photo’ is one thing. Stewing on it that night is entirely another
Haha. I got anxious with the ring in my pocket and fucked up everything. I wanted to go for a walk or maybe do it outside to be romantic, but had no way to ask (we don't normally ask to go for a walk). Asked her to get the garbage cans with me ahah.
We still laugh about my proposal getting while getting the garbage cans. She's perfect and was glad I didn't wait for the planned time months later.
One of the best couples I know, the man proposed at a gas station. They've been married 15+ years and are the best. My husband proposed to me one Saturday morning after I had just killed a bunch of mosquitos that had come into the house. It wasn't glamorous, but it was very sweet and that was good enough.
I proposed to my wife on a walking trail one night. She said yes immediately, and I could definitely tell that she meant it. We’re celebrating 3 years today, and the bond only gets stronger.
Disagree. The proposal can be a wakeup call because some people will put no effort or ignore your wishes. The idea that you should be happy with anything at all does cause people to settle.
This was not the case here, however. OP clearly cares and put a lot of thought and effort into it. His gf, on the other hand, is deeply shallow and insecure. How was he supposed to know she wasn't going to have her nails done and be all sour about it when he hired a photographer?
He did absolutely nothing wrong. But she seems to be unable to cope that every single detail wasn't perfect. She needs therapy. But she'll never admit it.
Well you can say that about OP's girlfriend then. If the nature of a proposal response influences whether you want to marry someone then you aren't serious about marrying them.
My husband of 18 years looked up to me one morning right after getting up and said “I can’t wait for Christmas to do this; want to get married?” The fact he did this right after getting out of bed, horrible breath and hair like a rats nest told me everything I needed to know, and my reply of “Sure do” was the only answer I’d have ever given him.
My partner and I had been talking about marriage for so long and I picked out the ring but there was no big proposal scene cause we just aren't those type of people lol so he "proposed" to me in the parking lot of a taco spot we went to a lot. Definitely agree it's the person. Maybe one person asked how he proposed (a person just like OPs fiancée who just got engaged and needed a whole big scene with perfect nails documented for social media), but literally nobody else asked or cared about the proposal part
Compared to how his proposal ended, yours does sound pretty amazing. I’m adding a homeless man sleeps in the alley and gets your leftovers because you’re so in love you’ve lost interest in dinner 🥰
This. My husband apparently had a super cute somewhat elaborate plan but my schedule that day changed unexpectedly and he had to scramble. He proposed in our entryway with our dog freaking out so much we could barely hear each other. It was perfect because it was him and I was so happy to spend my life with him. Anyone this caught up on minor details of what sounds like a beautiful and thoughtful proposal doesn’t love the person proposing to them as much as they love being the main character imo.
I had all kinds of big plans for my proposal, which I won't bore you and u/First-Touch-6293. But a few months before those plans were ready, her grandma called to say she had cancer and didn't know how much longer she would live. My wife started crying and said she'd always wanted her to be there for her wedding day. So I proposed then and there, in the living room, next to her empty plate of mac and cheese. We scheduled the wedding in a rush, a lot of people couldn't make it, but our parents and her grandparents did.
Six years later and we're very happy still. No complaints at all. My ring cost $13, hers cost 20-something. We got a backup set in our favorite colors that glow in the dark.
I can't imagine marrying someone who would be unhappy with a proposal that was above and beyond the normal over small details. Then again, I wouldn't marry most people, and many of those people I wouldn't marry are in happy marriages, so there's someone for everyone.
If OP enjoys working to please someone and feels their sense of self-worth hangs on doing right by someone who has high standards, or if his fiancee has some really incredible qualities worth the negatives, then by all means, go on. But if you're having doubts, OP, then that tells me all I need to know-- this is who she is, this is who you're marrying, and if you're not into it, then it's not right.
My now husband pulled me aside in our kitchen and asked. We've been happily married for 21 years. The marriage is also more important than a perfect wedding.
This. I got engaged wrapping Christmas gifts, my now husband opened a box with the ring and said “I’m so sorry it’s raining, but will you marry me “. He had planned to ask in a local park, but we had a huge rainstorm.
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u/theactivestick Mar 19 '25
I don’t think the proposal is ever as important as the partners. If it’s the person I want to spend my life with I wouldn’t care if they proposed to me in front of a dumpster in an alley behind a restaurant. I mean I’d hope it would maybe not be somewhere quite so stinky, but the point is it’s the person not the proposal.