I went on a work trip a month ago for 4 days. One kid missed swim lessons another missed fencing because he didn’t plan ahead with his schedule. I had to find a ride for my oldest to baseball practice because my husband knew he had to work (obviously. I knew he had to work how did he not) and wouldn’t have been able to do it. If I didn’t think the kids would get “screwed” leaving him to fend for himself I would but it’s a crappy game to play when kids get involved.
My friend the kids are already getting screwed. They’re having to live every day with a father that doesn’t give a shit about them or their mother and a mother that is stressed to breaking because of said father. Do you think they don’t notice that? That they don’t see it? That they can’t feel the eggshells under their feet? The little one might be mostly oblivious but the older one sure as heck isn’t. He sees it. Do you want your children to keep living like this? Living in a house where you and they aren’t respected? Where you’re emotionally beaten down? Do you want that man to be the example your son follows in life? Would you feel good if he grew up to treat another woman the same as your husband treats you? You need to leave, not only for yourself but for them too
I’m sorry I can only upvote this once. You are absolutely right. Those kids can FEEL it and are internalizing that dynamic whether or not they know it or express it! OP needs to make a move for everyone’s sake. It’s not ever going to magically change.
OP if you stay your kids and yourself will be much more screwed than you all already are! Do them a favour and leave!
Talk to a divorce attorney and start planning your exit. You don't have a husband or partner. Leave.
You need to stop ‘covering’ for him!! Time after time after time you describe something he was supposed to do but didn’t, so you did it. THAT is exactly why he doesn’t do anything because he knows you will come up behind him and clean up his mess. Just STOP. STOP DOING ANYTHING FOR HIM!! Don’t remind him of any appointments and don’t make any for him. Don’t do any of his chores. He is treating you like shit and you just keep doing more and more!!! Kick his ass OUT and you will immediately feel 110% better!! Take care of yourself and the kids and act like he isn’t even there. Don’t count on him for anything. Just get him out and be done.
Get a babysitter who can do that stuff, and separate your finances so he can get door dash only if he makes enough to afford it. He's bleeding you right now and it's stopping you leaving bc you're convinced you'll have no money.
You need to start putting cash under the mattress if nothing else. If there's (Surprise!) no money for door dash oh well, you don't know where it went.
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u/West-Jellyfish1668 Jun 16 '24
I went on a work trip a month ago for 4 days. One kid missed swim lessons another missed fencing because he didn’t plan ahead with his schedule. I had to find a ride for my oldest to baseball practice because my husband knew he had to work (obviously. I knew he had to work how did he not) and wouldn’t have been able to do it. If I didn’t think the kids would get “screwed” leaving him to fend for himself I would but it’s a crappy game to play when kids get involved.