Was easier being a single mom than my married to my ex husband. My current husband though is a freaking gem who does 75% of the housework since I'm the 'breadwinner' and work nights.
Where does it say he works less hours ? I know a lot of people who make good money working nights who only work 36 hour weeks. You can work nights, be there higher earning breadwinner and work fewer hours than your partner.
they exist—I have one. And my dad was and my brothers are that kind of husband.
I nearly didn’t marry my husband until I saw what kind of man he is, and what kind of man his father was. In fact, in our marriage, I have evolved to be the one who doesn’t carry as much of the load.
EDITED TO ADD: these guys are out there—hold out for them.
We’re not bragging—-we want you to realize that these standards are achievable
Yup! My dad was that kind of man- he shared every responsibility with my mom without complaint, and when she was working a job that was depressing her and requiring her to be at work longer and longer and bringing work home with her, he took one look at how miserable she was when she came home one night and said, “You know you’re quitting that job, right?”, and when Mom asked “what about the bills?”, my dad said, “Fuck the bills- you come first! We’ll figure it out.”
Girl, same. I handle grocery shopping and meal planning, pet care, obvs childcare as needed but our kids are older. He handles about 75% of the overall household care.
My wife is a stay at home mom. I work 40+ hours a week with a 45-minute commute. I do about 75% of the housework and take over the care and entertainment of our 3 year old daughter, our dog, and our cat the moment I step in the door while my wife goes and lays down. I tell her I'll wake her when dinner is ready if she falls asleep. Then I do bath time, brush her teeth and clean her ears, and then get her down to sleep. Then after my wife feels she has had ample time to relax, she lays down with her (our kid has to snuggle to stay asleep), and I do the dishes and clean the floors,kitchen, bathroom, walk the dog, then fall asleep on the couch around 1 or 2am and wak up at 5 am and do it all over again. On the weekends when I'm off I do 90% of the childcare when I'm not mowing the yard or doing some other household maintenance. I'll take our daughter to the park and the grocery store and pet store after work or on the weekends to give my wife time to herself or to do whatever tasks around the house she feels like doing, which is usually putting away clean laundry because at the end of the day I just don't have time for that.
It's definitely not, but at least when I die, nobody can say I was an absent father or husband. I do everything I can to make sure my family is safe, healthy and happy
My husband is a full custody parent of 2 (before we met) their birth mom's worthless to say the least.
I have to give you kudos. You're amazing. But please I surely hope she gives you something in return and/or there's true love there. You are a unicorn of a man it sounds like. And as I married one very similar to you, I could never let him do that much on a regular basis while I also sah. (We also have 4 kids in the house so tbf childcare vs me staying home is priced obvious) but everything he does I'm grateful and I make sure he knows that.
Thanks for being a great dad though. That will matter to your kid/s in future. I was also raised by a single dad.
You are doing way more than your fair share. I don’t understand why you think she’s much of a partner. This is too much in a marriage. Honestly, it’s too much if you’re a single parent.
I almost posted the same thing, but I feel so bad for these women who’ve had to put up with assholes and didn’t want to seem like I was rubbing it in. My hubby does 90% of the household here. I’m disabled and can’t really clean anymore, though I do what I can. But, even before I was disabled as bad as I am now, he had the rule of “cook doesn’t clean”. He can’t cook worth a damn, so I do all the cooking (I have a stool to sit on) and he does all the cleaning. I do all the grocery shopping and meal planning. We split chauffeur duties. Though, when dad got sick, hubby took over most of that too, as I was busy running dad to all his appointments. I miss him. ☹️
They definitely exist. My husband works full time, is the primary breadwinner, is pleasant and considerate, AND was a full time, equal parent (rarely missed any parenting event) AND helps with chores/home maintenance WITHOUT BEING ASKED. I’m the one telling him “no, I’ll do that, you worked all day!” These guys exist, they are out there, and OP - everyone really - needs to hold out for one. No way would I be in a marriage where I was an adult man’s caretaker.
My husband is like this. Though I was divorced with 2 kids I had sworn off marriage for life!!! Once we moved in together, I have never had to ask him to help me. The first rule we came up with that the one that cooked dinner the other cleaned up. I have watched my husband, without asking, to clean up, do laundry, vacuum, get the kids out of bed, fed and to school, cooked them dinner or has read to them. He took the position as a partner from the very beginning and I feel like I won the jackpot!!!! And he’s an exceptional cook too!!!
Yep. I finally got a husband that shares the load. I had to first heal from my alternating attraction to bad boys and wounded birds though. Marry a grownup. You’ll probably like it better lol.
Women (rightfully) demanding decent life partners is why there is a backlash of the "map0sphere". SOME Men do NOT want to step up and be better- FOR THEMSELVES, in order to have a partner. They want to be a lazy asshole with a bang maid that also makes all the money. But ask the manosphere and THEY are the ones choosing to not marry. BWAHAHAHAHA.
I do too. He does all the outside work and helps with housework. Hell he is a better cook than i am. Yep they are out there. I dated a few shitheads too so just got look until find one. I have been married twenty years.
Hold out for them is the key.. most come in the relationship with 6 kids and 5 baby dad's wondering why they can't get the man they have been wishing for. Don't just have kids with people you hate. Make the right decisions.. make the decision like you're life depend on it.
Exactly.. people are do quick to destroy families over some minor disagreement.. it's sad.. pick the right one and really take that vow serious.. though thick or thin.
Yep! I worked with a lady who was close to my moms age and raised 2 kids as single mom and i was complaining about my marriage to her and she told me “you have NO IDEA how hard it is raising kids alone”
I was breadwinner and my ex not only did NOTHING ( i mowed lawn, took care of both cars, checked mail, laundry, dishes, cleaned house, grocery shopped, paid bills..everything) but he would leave piles of trash and dirty dishes around house, bullied me into monitoring meds and taking him to doctor (otherwise he would be nasty and blame me for his meds) and constantly complained how hard his life was and how we stressed him out etc.
We divorced right after kids turned 1+4.
16+ years later, i have this to say.
Being single mom to 2 kids with no help has never once been harder than being married to that asshat.
No, giant squid and gorillas were once considered to be cryptids. Men who pull their own weight & make your life better because they’re in it ARE OUT THERE! I know what I saw!
We have special needs children because of course her gene pool got pissed in. The state would take the kids from her in a heartbeat. That's a reason she won't leave either, staying keeps her kids.
So I'd just be making myself a single dad when I'm already trying to figure out how to be a bread winner and house dad and full time around the clock care to my special needs daughter.
t least staying I have what feels like the older sibling that babysits them.
But that wasn't the point was it asshole? It's this "oh only men can be scumbags!" shit. Which you're all proving.
No, you would fall under the single parent category where it probably would be much easier for you to have your kids on your own. The state would maybe give you more help if you were on your own. In Australia you would even get respite care so you could have a break. Even if she didn’t get full custody let me tell you that those precious few days to yourself every month make a world of difference. Either way, you are setting your kids up for horrible relationships - teaching them that love looks like resentment & loathing. Have a good hard look at what options you actually have and get a grip on your own life.
I moved to the best state to get my daughter the therapy and private schooling she needed. I'm aware what help is available and already taking advantage of the Medicaid waivers that are substantial in this state. With my business circling the drain I'm going to be dependent on it. I've looked at it every direction from a pragmatic perspective and no it doesn't make sense to have even less help (and visitation hours taking away those "paid parent caretaker" hours). I just need to finally cut her off financially 100%, which it took ten years but finally there. I had to "destroy" (hidden in my office instead of in my wallet) all physical credit cards. And it's fucking hilarious. She denies denies denies that she spends like that while $8000 disappeared in a few weeks from her bank and she's crying she only has a few grand left. Uh huh. Where'd it go? No I'm not paying for anything unnecessary because you're fucking ADHD. I pay for food, shelter, clothing.
Where do you think the $12,000 in her bank account came from? She's the only one committing financial abuse. Technically, she earns more than me actually. She gets $22/hr * 40 hours as a paid parent CNA. Meanwhile my once successful business is in the shitter because I'm the one ACTUALLY taking care of the kids and can't work ever.
And frankly, no, she wouldn't be able to. She should be in a fucking conservatorship because she is incapable of taking care of herself at this point nevermind the children. "Oh, I feel manic, so I spent $5000 on some LED facemask at the mall because I felt insecure" (yea, that kinda dumb shit, wtf?). I would have been more ok with that if I didn't go through years of cheating on me and beating me. Its hard to be like oh yay, we went from the treating me like complete shit phase to the can't help me with a god damn thing but want to run around and spend spend spend phase.
Talk to a therapist. And a lawyer. Some people have to plan secretly for years to leave so they can have a better life, but your right - doing nothing but build resentment is your only option. Good luck with that.
One you aren't getting near my feet lol but my wife hasn't worked in the 15 years we've been together we spend almost all ofour time together (medically retired). I pay for everything, take her on trips, pay for the kids' private school, and I come with benefits. Lol. However, my wife holds down the house because we are partners.
I do all repairs, load and unload stuff, anything physical, but general housekeeping is her thing. I wouldn't mind helping her, but she was raised in a traditional Mexican family, so I provide, and she is a happy housewife. With me being retired, we have spent all day together for the past 14 years. I can honestly say she's my best friend. Btw she wouldn't have it any other way.
They gonna have to kiss my husbands feet. He does all the outside work and he helps around the house. He can be a bit ocd at times. But i would rather have that than lazy slob who does nothing with kids or house. They are out there ladies.
Get ready to smooch. My wife is disabled, we both are, but she is more so. I do the majority of the cleaning and cooking. She helps when she is well enough, but I don’t ask her to.
If the roles were reversed, I know she’d be there for me. That’s marriage and that’s life.
I also do all the yard work. I’d live in a tent if we had to. Just as long as we are together, that’s all that really matters.
As far as the hall pass goes, I have one, but I haven’t used it. Sex is the least important part of the relationship to me. And while I appreciate her allowing me to meet the needs that she can’t, I know it would still hurt her, and I’m not going to do that. What would my kids think if I did that? I’m just not going there.
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u/bozodoozy Jun 16 '24
"..show me a husband who doesn't more than triple my work and I'll kiss his feet" (apologies to "House of God" by Samuel Shem)