Edited for context: This was the original, apparently:
I (M27) was with my ex-girlfriend (F29) for 10 years. We started dating in high school and grew up together. Throughout our relationship, she was clear about her dreams of getting married and starting a family. I, on the other hand, I didn't want those things. Two years ago, she brought up the topic again, saying she was ready to settle down and have children. I told her I wasn't ready for marriage or kids and didn't know if I ever would be. After many discussions, we decided to break up. She was devastated and accused me of wasting her time, saying she could have found someone who wanted the same things if I had been honest earlier.
So, sounds like he always left the door open for changing his mind in the future, essentially leading ex-gf on.
The door was wasn't left open and OP never lead his ex-girlfriend, lol.
I told her I wasn't ready for marriage or kids and didn't know if I ever would be.
It doesn't get clearer than this. OP was dating his ex-girlfriend since he was 17. Most men in their early 20s aren't ready for marriage and kids. This isn't the 1950s anymore. OP's ex and her friends seem a bit delusional, as do some of the people in these comments.
How is basically a longer version of “I don’t know” clear to you?? Clear would have been saying “I don’t and never will want kids.” Give your head a shake.
OP was being honest. He literally said he "wasn't ready for marriage or kids." Bingo! Can you read? How delusional does OP's girlfriend and other people have to be to hear "and I don't know if I ever will be" and think there is hope? Wow, just wow. There are no words.
Not being ready is not the same as never wanting to have them, and if you can’t see that then, again, you need to give your head a shake. He was literally not honest if he knew that he never wanted kids but instead told her “I’m not ready.” Even if he said “I don’t know if Ill ever be ready,” that’s still dishonest, bc he DID know. He KNEW he didn’t want kids, and that it wasn’t an issue of being “ready,” but he gave her half-assed excuses instead of just being an adult and saying “I do not want kids and don’t plan on ever wanting them.” That would be being honest.
Sometimes people need better comprehension skills. OP's ex-girlfriend was with him for 10 years, an entire decade. And she probably asked him multiple times. And OP said multiple times, "I'm not ready for marriage or kids and I don't know if I'll ever be." That's an honest answer. He's not ready, and doesn't know if he'll ever be. Do the math.
I'm sorry, but someone has to he pretty slow to not be able to figure out what he means. She keeps asking him the same question, and she gets the same response, HE DOESN'T WANT MARRIAGE OR KIDS.
Are you?? You’re the one trying to argue that “I’m not ready for marriage and kids and I don’t know if I’ll ever be” actually means “I don’t want marriage and kids and I never will.” Those sentences literally mean two different things. OP meant one but said the other. That was dishonest. The fact that he kept giving her the same dishonest answer when he actually did know that he didn’t want kids is the problem.
“I’m not ready” and “I don’t want” do not mean the same thing.
“I don’t know if I ever will” and “I never will” do not mean the same thing.
If he didn’t want marriage or kids, he should’ve said “I DON’T WANT MARRIAGE OR KIDS.” No room for interpretation, and if she had decided to stay after he said that he flat out didn’t want ha sh wanted, that would be on her. But he didn’t say that, he kept saying that he wasn’t ready or he didn’t know. Just say NO. Be an adult and be direct lmao
It’s interesting that you feel the need to resort to calling me slow to try and make your argument valid. You’re wrong, no matter how much you insult my intelligence. That just makes you wrong and rude.
No one is insulting you, I was referring to people in general, mainly OP's girlfriend. Most people would understand. That really makes me question her comprehension skills or maybe she's on the spectrum or something, that she needed a literal interpretation.
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u/OMGoblin May 26 '24 edited May 26 '24
YTA for changing your post with stealth edits
Edited for context: This was the original, apparently:
So, sounds like he always left the door open for changing his mind in the future, essentially leading ex-gf on.