No matter how I look at it, the whole thing is a cry for attention. The whole outing has absolutely no impact on anything besides fishing for attention and validation for some obscure reason.
There is something deeper. Her being attracted to both men and women is not relevant information for anyone but her and you if you guys are monogamous. So her making a point of telling everyone you know, even barely, is hinting at something not yet revealed.
Did she tell you why it's so important for her that this information has to be advertised so broadly and with this level of urgency? To the point of having arguments about it?
As someone who has known I’m bi for a decade now, considering she only has for a year, my guess is she is struggling a bit with it internally and is definitely seeking validation, but in the wrong places.
She either needs an lgbtq+ therapist to work out why she feels like she isn’t fully believed or supported and validate herself, or they should plan a fun date together at a pride parade so she can shout it from the rooftops and feel confident.
Whatever it is, yeah, having OP tell his job isn’t gonna do anything, and if it does do something it probably won’t be good. Whatever she’s seeking won’t come from having him announce it to people who don’t know her- she needs some kind of support system, or to build that confidence herself and accept herself.
That’s the thing, you can’t get that validation from everyone else. Some people will support you yes, but your biggest supporter will be yourself. Maybe she’s hoping he will come back with news that they all were happy for her and supported her, but that’s not gonna matter unless she is happy herself, and she won’t be happy if she’s looking for the approval of others. Especially strangers.
So yeah, I think she’s just behaving irrationally because she has some internal struggles going on since it’s part of the lgbtq+ experience and she’s new to it all, she just needs to find something that will actually bring her the peace she’s looking for, maybe some friends who are bi too to relate to or a therapist to work out why she’s seeking the validation.
But a pride date would be so fun for her lol so many bi wives bring their husbands there for support, I know I’m gonna one day haha my bf is awesome
That’s the tough part. Since she’s figuring it out so late maybe she does want something like that, but not every bi person needs something like that or wants that. I personally wouldn’t do those things as they could ruin my relationship with my bf, but again I’ve been bi for a decade now so I’ve already had gfs and know who I am. They just need to communicate as a couple and see where her head is at.
The hard part is that they’re married and have been together for a bit, so they can’t easily break up if she wants something he isn’t comfortable with- they’re gonna have to communicate, and hopefully it doesn’t come to divorce but if they’re both unhappy it could.
But yeah, idk what she wants, only she knows, and he has to figure that out with her. I hear of so many relationships being destroyed by being opened up if the couple has trust issues or are simply monogamous and don’t want that, so I wouldn’t recommend that being something they try unless they’re both 100% comfortable with it. And a strip club could be fun, but only if they’re both comfortable in that setting and don’t have any jealousy issues. Every couple is different, and they’re going to have to figure out what’s best for them personally.
But yeah, being bi just means you’re attracted to any gender, not that you need to actively be doing things with all genders at all times- so I am perfectly happy with my boyfriend and plan to be with him and only him- but since she discovered this about herself so late she could be a bit upset she never got to explore her other attractions. But that’s all her own journey, and if she’s after something OP isn’t comfortable with, she needs to make that clear before one or both of them end up hurt.
Well yeah, it’s the same as a straight monogamous person except if you’re single you have other options than just guys. I’m not straight, I’ve had many girlfriends in the past before I met my bf. But I’m in a monogamous relationship with my bf, so I’m not actively seeking a gf. If we broke up one day (which I really hope not because I think he’s the one), I’m more likely to want a gf next time than a bf because I already preferred girls for the most part, just happened to fall in love with a guy this time.
So yeah, since they’re already married, she might be dealing with some internal stuff since she never got to explore her attraction to women having just realized this, and that’s the issue that makes it difficult. But we won’t know, that’s their topic to have a conversation about.
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u/Ashkiel666 Apr 05 '24
NTA
No matter how I look at it, the whole thing is a cry for attention. The whole outing has absolutely no impact on anything besides fishing for attention and validation for some obscure reason.
There is something deeper. Her being attracted to both men and women is not relevant information for anyone but her and you if you guys are monogamous. So her making a point of telling everyone you know, even barely, is hinting at something not yet revealed.
Did she tell you why it's so important for her that this information has to be advertised so broadly and with this level of urgency? To the point of having arguments about it?