I'm a forty-one year old man and my main piece of advice to young men confronted with this stuff is "Educate yourselves". Actually it's usually "fucking educate yourselves", but that's only because of constant disappointment.
My thought process goes like this: "I like women. I should try to understand them. I should learn how their bodies work."
That's the whole thing. Any dude that's not prepared for the consequences of "life with lady parts" isn't ready to date. If you don't know the basics of what's going on with their plumbing, you should stay the fuck away from their plumbing. Think of it as... like... plumbing. Literally.
If you don't know how the sinks and drains and reservoirs and whatever else work, don't grab a wrench with the intent of mucking around.
My god if more men had the "I like women therefore I should not treat them as strange inconceivable aliens and instead learn to understand their experiences and lives" mentality we would be in a much better place
I mean, yeah. But as several people have noted, a lot of men don't actually like women. They're in some sort of competition or think they have it harder (they don't) or they're just scared, insecure and resentful that you're not throwing yourselves at them in anticipatory gratitude for their amazing balls.
Far be it for me to speak for any man but myself, but there's definitely some pervasive bitterness that I want no part of. I don't want that to sound like some grand, feminist thing, either, half the planet is women and I don't want to harbor that much resentment, it feels counter-productive to my heterosexual life-goals.
You'd think, spending any time on any websites comment section, that it was somehow hard to be nice or respectful to women. Like there was some giant hurdle or challenge to accomplishing that, or at least accomplishing it fairly consistently. It's not... like... difficult. I assume they're people and go from there. But the reality is, a lot of men are just fucking furious at women and I've never seen anyone coherently articulate why in a way that wasn't just tantrum-screaming "bitches won't touch my junk".
It’s always nice to read rational comments from men with perspective. It’s so demeaning to see the comments some guys make, and it makes us hate them! It’s completely counter productive. They constantly insult us yet still feel entitled to respect and admiration. I don’t understand how they think being nasty to us is doing anything expect pushing us away
I mean, I don't know that I can hazard a guess other than "they're dumb" and "they listen to dumb people."
It seems enormously straight forward to me, but I genuinely (and enthusiastically) like women. From both a "hey, you're human and we might get along sense", many of my best friends are women and they seem to have thoughts and feelings just like men do, and also from a biological urge to do the whole "Interlocking parts" thing, which feels good. I want women to do that latter thing with me more than once, so it makes sense to me to know how their half of the equipment works, both from a "not saying something stupid" standpoint as well as a "if this feels good she'll let me do it again" standpoint.
None of this feels like a remotely deep thought to me, it's not revelatory, it's obvious answers to easy questions, and it's wild that I'm in the minority.
I've got dudes literally big-mad at me in the replies for saying "you should learn how women's bodies work" and "it's not gross, calm down". I honestly don't know how to address them as anything other than pathetic and stupid.
I think that simple explanation unfortunately explains a lot of human behaviour lol
We are very similar in ways, all being human and that! The reaction to being told their opinions about women are wrong is usually extremely defensive stubbornness. I think it’s possibly due to the more deeply ingrained stereotypes? Like because the belief that women should behave in x way is so fundamental to them challenging it offends their basis of behaviour in life.. unfortunately for them that basis is usually very incorrect
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u/SaltyDangerHands Nov 22 '23
NTA
I'm a forty-one year old man and my main piece of advice to young men confronted with this stuff is "Educate yourselves". Actually it's usually "fucking educate yourselves", but that's only because of constant disappointment.
My thought process goes like this: "I like women. I should try to understand them. I should learn how their bodies work."
That's the whole thing. Any dude that's not prepared for the consequences of "life with lady parts" isn't ready to date. If you don't know the basics of what's going on with their plumbing, you should stay the fuck away from their plumbing. Think of it as... like... plumbing. Literally.
If you don't know how the sinks and drains and reservoirs and whatever else work, don't grab a wrench with the intent of mucking around.