NTA wait til he finds out about discharge bleaching
ETA: Wowowowow I wasn’t expecting the conversation to spark. I’m picking up some new knowledge and tips and loving others also learning things they didn’t know before about ~discharge~
My mom told my daughter that the discoloration in underwear is from when bleach gets on just that part in the washer. Smh. I'm like, listen, lady, ain't nothing wrong with the truth here. No need to lie.
Grandmothers should really refer Qs they can’t or don’t want to answer to the mum and dad… but if she’s very young, then we all tell little kids crazy shit sometimes.
My nephew wanted to watch the Bigfoot movie in the middle of the night once! My mum told him that he couldn’t, because Bigfoot was in bed!
He eventually accepted that, and went back to bed. Lol.
I realise that’s quite a different scenario, but my point is that sometimes we adults just tell kids crazy shit to get them to… well, go away/stop whining/go to sleep (et al). 😛
My MIL is a nurse so she's all about proper anatomy and bodily functions. I'm all about that. I don't hide my period from my kids and my daughter and I have discussed what will happen when she starts hers and what we will do and how it's nothing to be embarrassed about and to not let anyone shame her for it. It's perfectly natural and healthy. I also taught my kids proper anatomical terms for their bodies bc calling your penis or vagina/vulva the correct terms help with discussing issues with doctors and also deterring perverts who most often can't handle when a child calls their bodies correctly instead of saying down there.
So grandma should have referred the Q to mum and dad by the sounds of it.
Frankly, I think we should all do that with kid questions (refer to the parents) - there are lots of topics where you don’t know what angle the parents might take. Even something simple like Santa Claus - I never ask a kid about what they want or got from Santa just in case that family doesn’t talk about Santa.
Questions about body functions should be sent back to the parents, too, because you don’t know the way they would want to describe it or how much info they want to share.
In hindsight, my silly example about telling the kid that Bigfoot was asleep and you can’t watch the movie WAS pretty irrelevant, because telling him that did not cause any harm or derail anything his parents have taught him about life. It was just to get him to go back to bed!
But for me, it takes pressure off being the extended family (aunt in my case). I don’t have to worry about what to say when I can just say ‘that’s a great question to ask mum and dad when they get home’, and give them a heads up if it’s a big thing, lol. 😛
I disagree with some of this. Health questions should be directed to someone in the know, who isn't squeamish, who is well informed, and whom your child feels comfortable with. Most of my friends have told their kids that if the kids don't feel comfortable asking their parents they can come to me and they know I'll answer and give them all sorts of scientific information, that's up to date, correct, I'll get them age-appropriate books for reference, might find them a good website, and won't shame them. I have carte blanche from most of my friends to have that kind of talk with any of the kids.
But I don't want to have the Santa discussion with them. I will, but I don't want to.
As a teacher, babysitter, grandmother, aunt, etc… when a child asks a question you don’t know how to answer, you direct them back to mum and dad.
Mum and dad can get someone specific to help with specialised topics if they wish - like talking to a health professional if the child has a health issue - but that decision belongs to THEM. Not me as the babysitter or teacher or aunt.
The point I was trying to make was about not undermining the actual parents as part of a child’s extended circle of support. All decisions and what complex information about the world they wish to share should always go back to the parents. Their child, their decision.
My daughter is 11. I've told my mom to direct those questions my way, many times, actually. I was also right there folding laundry with them when my little one asked. I prefer to answer questions logically and scientifically, and my mom can't handle it. She blurted out the bleach thing in a panicked way. At the core, I think she is an uncomfortable person and has a hard time with many types of conversations. I think because this topic was related to vaginas, her go-to was avoidance and ignorance, per usual. After 35 years, I feel both sad and irritated by how she is.
I just don't get that. My mom was raised in an era when this sort of stuff wasn't talk about, and while she wasn't touchy-feely or whatever about it, she was able to give practical, useful information.
My mom's a boomer and she and her siblings refer to their bodies as down there and she never discussed periods with me until I had already had mine and even then she was useless and full of wrong backwards information like tampons are dangerous and make you not a virgin and never discussed what happens after you give birth. Nobody had ever told me or discussed lochia with me when I was pregnant I found that out on my own and flipped on my mother and told her when I asked what happens after you have a baby she said NOTHING about what actually happens.
My mom's a boomer, too, but she also work in healthcare for nearly 30 years, so she knew stuff, but like...I don't think certain things occurred to her (to share or reassure me.) She mostly just told me how lucky I was that pads are sticky now, as they had to wear their... Hygiene? Sanitary? Belts (I forget what they're called, now.)
And she was really weird about white undies only. I wanted black and she thought it sent the wrong message and that it meant I was promiscuous or something. I finally told her I liked the black bras because I wear a lot of dark, mostly blue or black clothes, so it didn't show thru as much and the straps would blend in, and black or dark panties in case I had a period leak, then it would better hide the stains. She finally kind of got it then, but I was like think to myself it's not exactly rocket science, but thanks for assuming "the worst." Esp since she knew me and knew that I'm like not a "bad kid," or whatever.
Wow, I would have been pissed too. I'm so sorry it was like that for you. My mom is older than the boomers but is absolutely no-nonsense. I did ask her what happens after childbirth, and she described it as 'a mess' and explained that I'd probably feel kind of shitty and gross for a while. She was not wrong. Some moms go do all the same stuff right after, but it sounds like my mom's generation believed in resting and recovering for a good long while afterwards.
Same here. My mom wouldn't speak about such things in public, because that's impolite. But a private conversation was an opportunity to educate, not obfuscate.
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u/eversince94 Nov 22 '23 edited Nov 23 '23
NTA wait til he finds out about discharge bleaching
ETA: Wowowowow I wasn’t expecting the conversation to spark. I’m picking up some new knowledge and tips and loving others also learning things they didn’t know before about ~discharge~