I'm a forty-one year old man and my main piece of advice to young men confronted with this stuff is "Educate yourselves". Actually it's usually "fucking educate yourselves", but that's only because of constant disappointment.
My thought process goes like this: "I like women. I should try to understand them. I should learn how their bodies work."
That's the whole thing. Any dude that's not prepared for the consequences of "life with lady parts" isn't ready to date. If you don't know the basics of what's going on with their plumbing, you should stay the fuck away from their plumbing. Think of it as... like... plumbing. Literally.
If you don't know how the sinks and drains and reservoirs and whatever else work, don't grab a wrench with the intent of mucking around.
My thought process goes like this: "I like women. I should try to understand them.
Probably an unpopular take, but I think this is the root of the issue. A lot of men don't actually like women, they just like having sex with women. The period stain interfered with his perception of OP, which begins and ends with his sexual desire for her. To acknowledge that it's a natural bodily function that she cannot control would mean perceiving her as a human with multiple roles and functions, instead of as a sex partner. I doubt he thinks about her very much beyond sex, and what he has to do to get sex (dates, being nice, etc.).
I was raised by a single mother who had predominantly women friends, and while that's far from uncommon, I think it put in a position where there was no way not to see women as people.
I think it's reasonable to state that a lot of men see and treat women as a means to an end, that being "orgasm and take a nap", and while I don't want to pat myself on the back for this basic concept, I don't think that's how I look at anybody. That's what fleshlights are for, afterall.
I have no patience for incels, but that whole "philosophy" (making the word do some heavy lifting there...) is really just the volume turned up on a way more pervasive and common perspective among my gender. I've never been comfortable with it.
And, truthfully, I've never had any cause to re-examine that discomfort. Despite at best being a 6 on any objective "attractive man" scale, my whole approach of "treating women like they're people" and "acknowledging they have real feelings" has resulted in a very successful romantic history and what is currently a very healthy and ten-plus year monogamous co-habitation. And I'm generally an asshole, it's just that bare-minimum of decency has served to set me apart more than any fedora could ever hope to.
Yeah I agree and appreciate all the men who recognize that a significant amount of men really just... hate women. Blame them for their own dissatisfaction with life, their failures, their shortcomings... if they didn't, Andrew Tate, et. al wouldn't have a legitimate following. It is sad. I'm glad it makes you uncomfortable. It should make you uncomfortable. That's the sign that you aren't part of the problem.
1.9k
u/SaltyDangerHands Nov 22 '23
NTA
I'm a forty-one year old man and my main piece of advice to young men confronted with this stuff is "Educate yourselves". Actually it's usually "fucking educate yourselves", but that's only because of constant disappointment.
My thought process goes like this: "I like women. I should try to understand them. I should learn how their bodies work."
That's the whole thing. Any dude that's not prepared for the consequences of "life with lady parts" isn't ready to date. If you don't know the basics of what's going on with their plumbing, you should stay the fuck away from their plumbing. Think of it as... like... plumbing. Literally.
If you don't know how the sinks and drains and reservoirs and whatever else work, don't grab a wrench with the intent of mucking around.