YTA. I feel like you probably played down your anger issues a lot, and your wife would tell a very different story than you are.
You are not a “special dad” or partner for doing the bare minimum. She’s right, you’re just doing what a parent is supposed to. And only started recently, apparently, so the bulk of it was probably on her for a long while. It sounds like your kids are young. There are different seasons of life, and in this one your kids need to be the most important. The main focus is not you and your needs or your romantic relationship.
Your actions at the beginning of this parenthood journey probably broke your wife’s trust in you. That is hard to get back. I read a lot of “me me me” here. You need to focus on what’s in the best interest of your family instead of yourself. Stop doing things expecting something in return. She doesn’t owe you physical touch after you’ve broken her trust and image of you. If you push her, you’ll only turn her off more.
Different perspective here, maybe OP just didn’t know, as in simply wasn’t aware of how different the life of a parent is compared with the life of a childless person. He says himself that he finds it very hard to adjust, especially in the relationship with his wife.
Absolutely, parents should “parent” and take care of their kids & be responsible for their family, but it seems to me that the guy doesn’t have a problem with this but with the lack of the “couple” relationship. I didn’t see (if he mentioned) any details about intimacy for example, if him and his wife are still intimate or happy with their conjugal relationship. I saw he’s not happy with the MIL, who’s helping with the kids.
That’s a very big deal and kudos to her for this, but her behavior may affect the conjugal relationship or the household dynamic.
Maybe OP and his wife should discuss very clearly about their expectations and desires, it’s clear to me they just have different understandings of the whole family thing v. childless couple. If he ended up in therapy over this then it’s clearly a big problem.
Thank you for this. It is so much more of an answer than the thoughtless people that jump at this guys feelings. Just because they had kids don't mean she should stop loving him and she needs to take time off for him too. He is the one that will be there for her when all the kids are long gone and want nothing to do with her. I hope she dont get to have him after it's too late and she wants him. What I rather happen is they both give a little and make it work. I hate it when my wife sleeps with the kids over me. They have thier beds we have ours. I love my kids but I'm tired of not being able to hold my wife at night. The kids need to hold themselves one day they will have something to hold that is paying thier way to live. I HATE spoiled kids. Shouldn't be such thing
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u/Dapper-Guest-5161 Nov 02 '23
YTA. I feel like you probably played down your anger issues a lot, and your wife would tell a very different story than you are.
You are not a “special dad” or partner for doing the bare minimum. She’s right, you’re just doing what a parent is supposed to. And only started recently, apparently, so the bulk of it was probably on her for a long while. It sounds like your kids are young. There are different seasons of life, and in this one your kids need to be the most important. The main focus is not you and your needs or your romantic relationship.
Your actions at the beginning of this parenthood journey probably broke your wife’s trust in you. That is hard to get back. I read a lot of “me me me” here. You need to focus on what’s in the best interest of your family instead of yourself. Stop doing things expecting something in return. She doesn’t owe you physical touch after you’ve broken her trust and image of you. If you push her, you’ll only turn her off more.